The Hunt of the Dead Men
by DeadGirl19
Summary: The Dead Men are on the run, being hunted by the Sanctuary. Will they all make it out alive, whilst battling old enemies, new romances and generally dangerous situations? Set after LSODM, certain characters are still alive... 1st fanfic! Reviews are appreciated! :)
1. Stupid Skeleton

**Hi guys! This is my first piece of work on FanFiction, please review so I know how to improve! Any and all criticism is welcome. **

**I will try and update as much as possible, but I'm currently doing my GCSE's so they'll be my priority, however updates will come at LEAST once a week :)**

**The story is set after Last Stand of Dead Men, however there are a few important details to note:**

**-****China is NOT Grand Mage****, and the whole scene with her didn't happen**

**-Darquesse did come out for a short time period at the end, but ****Skulduggery brought Valkyrie back**** before she escaped**

**-****Erskine was NOT a traitor****; Ghastly and Anton were not killed and Erskine is still a trusted ally**

**-Madame Mist was killed by Darquesse at some point**

**-Valkyrie is (somehow) ****24**** years old**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 1: Stupid Skeleton<strong>

"What is their PROBLEM?" Valkyrie Cain yelled at Skulduggery Pleasant, whilst running along the gleaming new corridors of the sanctuary. They were being chased by a group of sorcerers who had decided, somehow, that the Sanctuary War and all its casualties were because of the Dead Men. In their eyes, the seven sorcerers had the power to stop the Sanctuary War, but "chickened out" at the last minute.

Oh, and there was the teensy-tiny problem of Darquesse and Lord Vile's true identities being revealed.

"Well, at a guess, I'd say _we_ are," replied Skulduggery. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, too out of breath to provide a verbal comeback.

They rounded a corner, and saw Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel up ahead, having been chased out of their office, and also, it seemed, out of their positions as Elders. They glanced back, saw the two, and kept running towards the fire exit.

The four of them emerged into the sunlight and dived into the Bentley, which was conveniently parked nearby and waiting for them.

"Seatbelt," said Skulduggery, and Valkyrie had barely managed to clip it into place when the Bentley shot off, roaring down the streets of Roarhaven.

"I'm sure you all realise that we're now criminals," said Skulduggery, seemingly unfazed by running what seemed like a marathon to the other three. "There is no way we can return to the Sanctuary, or even to Roarhaven. They'll be hunting for us, so even our own homes won't be safe. In fact," he turned to them, and his skull, although as blank as ever, held a certain mischievous air about it. "I'd say we're on the run."

"So where are we heading?" asked Erskine. "'Cause I'm telling you now, Skul, I'm not staying in some run-down motel on the outskirts of Ireland. I'm a Gra- well, _ex-_ Grand Mage. I've got standards, you know. I don't think I'd be able to cope in a dirty little room, only seeing sunlight when I'm running to the next filthy motel because one of you three has blown our cover; having to eat mouldy cheese and drink stale water and sleep on a hard and lumpy mattress and not seeing sunlight and-"

Erskine's rant was abruptly cut short when Ghastly awarded him with a slap to the back of his head.

"Get a hold of yourself, man," muttered Bespoke.

"Skulduggery, where _are_ we heading?" asked Valkyrie Cain.

"_Well_, first we're dropping off Erskine at his home, and Ghastly at his shop, so they can gather their belongings and get everything they need. Then, once done, Ghastly will drive his van to Erskine's home and pick Erskine and his stuff up, and then head to your mansion, where we are going now, _or_ Erskine will take his sports car to Ghastly's shop and Ghastly will get in with all his stuff and they'll drive to your mansion; either way doesn't matter. Meanwhile, you and I will be at the mansion. You'll be packing your stuff while I will be having a highly intellectual conversation with Gordon about the situation we are in and Grace Kelly, and then when you're done with the packing and the other two have arrived, we shall all go to my house, minus Gordon, no offence to him, for us to formulate a plan, call the other Dead Men, and for me to pack my exquisite suits, and choose between my 237 hats which ones to take, as they won't all fit into a suitcase, but such are the risks I take for my," he sniffed, "friends."

"Uhhh… What was that first bit again…?" asked Erskine.

Skulduggery sighed, and then put on an over-exaggerated voice as if he was talking to four-year-olds. "Erskine, you are going to go _home._ You are going to pack. Ghastly, you are going to go _home_ as well, and _you_ are going to pack. Is everyone clear so far?" Skulduggery said, ignoring the death glares being sent his way from three directions, perfectly aware of how frustrating he was being.

"Valkyrie, we are going to go to the _mansion_, and you are going to pack, too. Then, we go to _my_ house, just like Erskine and Ghastly. We will all meet there _together, _and I will pack, and we will make _plans_."

By the end of his immature tirade, he was being slapped by Ghastly, poked by Valkyrie and the back of his seat was being kicked by Erskine.


	2. To Skulduggery or not to Skulduggery

**OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so so so much to everyone reading this story, and even more so to the people who have followed, favourited and reviewed! Thank you to Ihazbooks2002, Wolfy Loveland, Sebastian Castellen, and Fire Kitty 12. Also, thanks sooo much to 'Guest'(s?) who left lovely feedback, too (Tell me when you finish Book 9- I cried like the whole way through :D). **

**THANK YOU! Xxxx Your support means EVERYTHING!**

**As a thank you, I've updated again (as you've probably figured out :P)**

***A key thing to mention is that in my story, the reflection never turned rogue; it's still normal, yet incredibly lifelike.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 2: To Skulduggery, or not to Skulduggery<strong>

By the time the four had congregated at Skulduggery's house, it was midnight, and they were all fighting off sleep.

Well, all except for Skulduggery, who seemed to be energetic and in his element, since he had no need for sleep and every need to be annoying.

"Isn't this fun? A life on the run! Oh, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it! Or did I just choose not to show it? Come on Valkyrie, crack a smile! This is better than working on case files! Erskine, Ghastly, lighten up- or I'll hit you with Val's teacup! What a great way this is to make the time pass; annoying you and getting up your-"

"SKULDUGGERY!" Yelled Ghastly and Valkyrie, while Erskine just sniggered at the fact that Skulduggery had nearly said "arse"- yup, he was this immature.

"Right," said Ghastly, who, tired of Skulduggery getting them nowhere, decided to step in and take over. "We need to think of a safe place, call the other Dead Men and arrange everything, and organise supplies to take and how to maintain them, as well as making sure we get to the location without being tracked or followed. Everyone clear so far?"

"Yes," said Erskine and Val, but Skulduggery, being Skulduggery, decided that he wasn't finished being annoying yet.

"Ghastly, I'm clear, as a glass full of beer. Interpret that however you please- I assure you it will contain no ease. But, back to the matter at hand, we must ensure we all know what's been planned. My, I love these outings and treks- from my memory, this is better than-"

"**SKULDUGGERY**!" Screamed Ghastly and Valkyrie once again, but this time Erskine could not contain himself and roared with laughter, even more so when given, along with Skulduggery, two glares that could _kill_.

Ghastly and Valkyrie just stared at the two; one an idiotic skeleton, knowing not when to shut up, and possessing an ego the size of Mars, and the other a low-intelligence man, who caused face palms all over the magical community only one month into his reign as Grand Mage, when it was discovered that he could not work a calculator ("_The plus looks like the times button! Or was it the divide...?" _He had said in his defence.).

Ghastly had grown tired of waiting for the two to sober up, and had just slapped them both on the back, and then on top of the head. As they over-dramatically writhed in pain, Valkyrie said,

"So, do you know of any safe places we can stay in? Preferably in Ireland; I think we should all stay here in case the situation at the Sanctuary changes, also, the weather has _finally_ gotten better, and this looks like the first summer ever where it's not going to rain, and I _need_ a tan."

"Well, actually I was thinking the same thing," said Ghastly, but at Valkyrie's baffled look he quickly added, "but not about a tan! About the fact that we need to stay in Ireland. It's ideal that we'll be able to keep a close eye on the Sanctuary, and I'm sure we will once we get into the safe place; we'll organise a few missions of breaking into the sanctuary and stealing paperwork about their latest cases, just so we can see how far they've got with finding us and the other Dead Men."

Skulduggery and Erskine, who, by now, had seemingly reverted back to normal (not that their "normal" behaviour was any better) agreed with the plan.

"Now the most important and fundamental issue," Skulduggery began, "is finding somewhere to stay. Are you aware of the old warehouse in the south, the one that has been deserted for years? Used to be owned by Blade Storm, fellow Elemental who died a while ago? Valkyrie, I think you and I solved a case there once. Well, _I_ did, with my amazing detective skills, while you, I seem to remember, were intent on "_finding the damn pigeon which pooped in my hair and boiling it alive"_. If no one else has any suggestions, then this is where we shall head. It's got various rooms on the ground floor, including a massive banqueting hall where we can train, as well as a large professional kitchen. Also, there are two other floors; the first floor has mostly storage rooms, and a couple of bathrooms, and the second floor has about three or four bedrooms, all magical and self-cleaning, much like Anton's hotel. It sounds perfect. Now we just need the other Dead Men, and we're ready to go."

Surprised at the abrupt change in maturity levels from Skulduggery, it took the three a while for all the information to soak in, but they soon agreed that it was an ideal place to stay, and that the next course of action should be to call the others.

However, they all had something else on their mind, too. _How long would they be staying there? How long would they be on the run?_ Ghastly hated being away from home, away from what he was used to and comfortable with. It was the routines of everyday life that kept him sane. Erskine was used to moving around and adventuring; it was what he had done before taking the job as Grand Mage. However, having to stay confined in one place was completely different, and he hated the nature of it. Skulduggery was, on the other hand, used to striking from the shadows, and flourished in the realm of war, no matter how big or small that war was. However, having to spend time with the people that knew you most meant that it would only be a matter of time before they found out that he had _loved_ being Lord Vile. The power was intoxicating, and he craved it like an addiction. Being the true friends that they were, they had accepted Lord Vile as something that Skulduggery couldn't control, and what happened in the war with Mevolent, particularly involving Ghastly's mother, was forgotten. But what would they say if they figured out how power hungry he really was? Surely it would only be a matter of time before they discovered it...

Valkyrie was anxious, too. She didn't know what to expect being on the run. She knew it would be dangerous, but that was it. She could easily be killed, and no one would know. Once again, she was leaving her mortal life behind as she ran off into danger. She could be _killed_, and nobody would never guess that her reflection was not actually the real Stephanie.

But it was worth it. However long it would be that they were stuck there, she didn't mind. She was with friends, _close_ friends. Her chosen family. _Besides, _she thought to herself, _I'll be stuck with five exceedingly handsome men and one charming skeleton for company. This will be _fun.


	3. Anton

**Once again, thank you immensely to anyone who's reading this story, and to the people who have reviewed! Just a quick reply to some:**

**idontknow (Guest): Your English was perfect, and thank you for the support! :D**

**Sebastian Castellen: Yup, the other Dead Men will make their appearances really soon; first on the phone and then for real.**

****So, the next couple of chapters will be the conversations that are had with the other Dead Men when they're being told of the situation. This is Anton's.****

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><p><strong>Anton<strong>: Hello?

**Skulduggery**: Hi, Anton, you've probably heard but we're kind of exiles now.

**Anton**: No...I didn't hear about that, Skulduggery...

**Skulduggery**: Oh... Uhhh... Surprise! We're exiles!

**Anton**: Skulduggery, just get to whatever point you're trying to make, please.

**Skulduggery**: All in good time, my friend, now just lose yourself in my beautifully velvet voice and-

(_There's a small scuffle and muffled yelling)_

**Valkyrie**: Hi Anton, ignore him, he's being a moron.

**Anton**: Yes, I gathered. How are you Valkyrie? It's been a while.

**Valkyrie**: I'm great thank you, just getting a bit tired of a certain skeleton who seems to think that the fact that we're on the run is an excuse to be even more of an imbecile than usual.

**Anton**: Ah, so he wasn't joking about that bit, then.

**Valkyrie**: Unfortunately not.

**Anton**: May I ask why we're on the run?

**Valkyrie**: Well, apparently we, the Dead Men, chickened out in the war, and we didn't stop it soon enough because we are wimps. So, the Sanctuary has basically put the blame for everything, all the casualties and money and stuff, on _us_, and they're hunting us down for our blood. They're getting a little hyper, basically. Oh, and they don't like the idea of Darquesse and Lord Vile being kept alive, even though they can't be controlled. Ummm... Yeah I think that covers it.

**Anton**: So-

**Valkyrie**: Oh yeah! The whole reason that we called is to tell you to meet us at Blade Storm's old warehouse.

**Anton**: The elemental?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, him.

**Anton**: I take it that's our headquarters, then. The Hotel is due to arrive near there in a few days, so I'll see you then. I assume Ghastly is there with you?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, and Erskine. Wanna speak to them?

**Anton**: Only Ghastly, please. I fail to think of any way that Erskine will be useful. I just have a few questions to ask.

**Valkyrie**: Sure, one sec.

(_Another scuffle, and a muffled, "No, Erskine, not you, only Ghastly. Erskine! Give the phone back! ERSKINE!")_

**Erskine**: Hi, Anton, I love you!

**Anton**: Could you put Ghastly on, Ravel?

**Erskine**: I had a dream last night. You and me were running towards each other, naked, and then we got to each other and we-

(_A loud SLAP is heard and the phone is dropped.)_

**Ghastly**: Hi Anton, ignore him, he's just being...

**Anton**: Himself?

**Ghastly**: Yes, I guess that's the only way to put it.

**Anton**: Funny, Val told me to ignore Skulduggery, too. It must be hell being stuck with them two.

**Ghastly**: Yeah, me and Val are trying to rein 'em in. But, well, it's just not working.

**Anton**: Anyway, about this whole exile thing... Was there really no other choice?

**Ghastly**: I'm afraid not. We were literally chased out of the Sanctuary. I know you try not to get involved with it, but the Dead Men are strongest together, and we're gonna need to be strong for what's coming.

**Anton**: Ok, I... understand. Just remember, Bespoke, war is _never_ the only option. _Ever_. I don't appreciate you lot dragging the rest of us into this mess which you could have easily sorted out another way. However, I will meet you at the warehouse in a few days, and will stay until the issue is sorted.

**Ghastly**: Thanks, Anton, I honestly am grateful.

**Anton**: I'll see you soon.

**Ghastly**: Of course.

**Anton**: And, Ghastly? Tell Erskine that if he ever dreams of me again, and it's not a nightmare in which I am physically hurting him, he can expect to be hit. _A lot. _And, yes, I will know if he's done so.

**Ghastly**: Yeah, will do. See you at the warehouse.

**Anton**: Goodbye.

Ghastly hung up the phone, and looked over at the others. Erskine was doodling on a scrap piece of paper (which looked strangely similar to the report that Skulduggery had been writing for the past week), writing words that looked a lot like "_Anton, my baby_" all around the page, emphasised by love hearts. Skulduggery, on the other hand, was being held against the far wall of his living room by Valkyrie's shadows, with duct tape running along his Cheshire grin.

_So that's why Skulduggery had been so quiet..._


	4. Dexter

**Thanks again for the views, and the kind words! **

** To answer 'dontknow': There ****_will_**** be pairings; I was thinking of putting Val with a couple of the Dead Men, and then ****_eventually_**** with Skulduggery, but I'll wait and see what other people think about it and who she should be paired with, cuz I know that not many people ship Valduggery, and I don't wanna make it awkward :D**

*****Please give me some ideas about what pairing(s) you guys are interested in! Let me know soon, out of:  
><strong>

**-Valduggery**

**-Ghastkyrie**

**-Dexkyrie**

**-Valkyrie x Saracen (not sure what to call it! Valcen?))**

**-Valskine**

**-Valton**

**-Valguine**

**-Duskyrie**

**-Valkyrie x Solomon (dunno what this is called either :S)**

**-Fletchyrie**

**-Other**

**I think that covers it!**

Here's how Dexter was persuaded! Up next is Saracen.

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><p><strong>Dexter<strong>: What!?

**Skulduggery**: Hello to you, too, Dexter. I'm not sure if you're aware, and I'm not going to assume that you are because I did that with Anton and it did _not_ go well, but the Dead Men are currently being hunted, and-

**Dexter**: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT, SKUL? I'M BEING _CHASED THROUGH BAVARIA_!

**Skulduggery**: Oh, I guess they've caught up with you, then.

**Dexter**: Oh, you think!?

**Skulduggery**: Yeah, they think it's our fault that the war lasted so long and so many people died. Well, when you next get the chance, meet us in-

**Dexter**: HOLY CRAP, THEY'VE GOT MACHINE GUNS!

**Skulduggery**: Dexter, call Fletcher. He's been to Bavaria; he'll come and get you.

**Dexter**: Haven't you heard!? Fletcher Renn was captured an hour ago- he's being held in the Irish Sanctuary. They're scared that he'll- OH SWEET JESUS!

(_Gunshots are heard_)

**Dexter**: Listen, Skul, I'll call you back.

(_Line goes dead_)

Skulduggery stood at the window of the living room, shouting into the phone. "Dexter? _DEXTER_?" However, it became clear that Vex had hung up.

"What happened?" asked Valkyrie.

"Dexter's being attacked; they've caught up to him. From what I gathered, they had guns and he's in Bavaria," said Skulduggery grimly.

"Do you think he'll make it out alive?" asked Erskine. "Wait- send Fletcher down there! He can-"

"Fletcher's been captured, Erskine," interrupted Skulduggery. "He's of no use to anyone now until we can get him out of his cell at the sanctuary."

Ghastly, who had remained silent up to this point, spoke, "If anyone can beat a group of men with guns, it's Dexter. You've all seen him on the battlefield; he's a war machine. In fact, he'll probably be calling again right about now…"

Skulduggery's mobile rang.

Everyone stared at Ghastly.

"I thought it was only Saracen who could do that," said Valkyrie, as Skulduggery answered the phone.

**Skulduggery**: Dexter- are you okay?

**Dexter**: Yeah, and the guys are taken care of. Oh, I picked up a few guns, too.

**Skulduggery**: Good, now what I was saying before is that we are on the run-

**Dexter**: Yeah, kinda established that by now, Skul.

**Skulduggery**: -and the Sanctuary is hunting us. _All_ of us. So, we think that it's safest for us all if we stick together.

**Dexter**: Sure, count me in. Managed to persuade Anton yet?

**Skulduggery**: Just about, but it wasn't easy. He wasn't happy with us, put it that way.

**Dexter**: So where are we meeting?

**Skulduggery**: Have you heard of Blade Storm? He owned a warehouse in the south.

**Dexter**: Yeah, that elemental weirdo. Didn't like me much, although I did try and hug him all the time… ahh those were the days… How does _he_ tie into all this?

**Skulduggery**: He's dead.

**Dexter**: Oh…

**Skulduggery**: But, his warehouse sounds like a perfect place to stay. No one will suspect it, and it's desolate- practically in the middle of nowhere.

**Dexter**: Great, I'll meet you there in a few days; as soon as I can pack and catch a plane. Say hi to Val for me. She's 24 now, right? Where _has_ the time gone…?

**Skulduggery**: Will do. Bye, Dexter.

**Dexter**: Bye, Skuttlebug.

"Well, that's Anton and Dexter done," said Skulduggery, relieved.

"So now, it's just…" began Valkyrie.

"…Saracen," finished Erskine.

"Oh, hell. He always makes things… awkward. Bagsy I'm not talking to him!" said Ghastly.

"Count me out!" added Erskine.

"I've just done Dexter, so…" said Skulduggery, looking at Valkyrie.

She sighed. "I guess I've got Saracen. Whoopee," she said, without enthusiasm. _This is gonna be great(!)_


	5. Saracen

**Thank you for all the reviews! **

**So far, it looks like Saracen and Valkyrie is a popular pairing, but it may not last long... Also, Valduggery seems popular, too. Keep the opinions coming in, and I'll decide at the end of the week! (There will still be a couple of chapters before then, but they just won't have much/any romance)**

**Thank you!**

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><p><strong>Saracen<strong>: Hey, gorgeous, how are ya?

**Valkyrie**: Ummm good, you?

**Saracen**: All the better for talking to _you_.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah... Listen, are you aware of the situation?

**Saracen**: What, between Erskine and Anton?

**Valkyrie**: God help me...

**Saracen**: I'm joking, yeah of course I do! I know things, remember?

**Valkyrie**: Okay, good, so I don't have to explain it, then, so-

**Saracen**: Well, you could explain it if you _want_ to, and I _love_ the sound of your voice.

**Valkyrie**: Shut. Up.

**Saracen**: Not until you admit you love me.

**Valkyrie**: So, anyway, we're basically all gonna congregate at-

**Saracen**: Blade Storm's warehouse, yeah I know, Val.

**Valkyrie**: Oh, um, yeah. And Dexter and Anton are on their way, too.

**Saracen**: Yup, Dexter was attacked, wasn't he? Made it out alive, though, of course.

**Valkyrie**: Okay, how the _hell_ do you know all this?

**Saracen**: I know things.

**Valkyrie**: Saracen, I _will_ hurt you...

**Saracen**: Ouch, Val. Okay, fine, Dexter called me.

**Valkyrie**: I knew it!

**Saracen**: But I _usually_ know things...

**Valkyrie**: Like?

**Saracen**: Like the fact that you _love_ me.

**Valkyrie**: I don't love you Saracen.

**Saracen**: You just keep telling yourself that.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah...

**Saracen**: You sound tired, Val.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, dunno why, though.

**Saracen**: I know why.

**Valkyrie**: Enlighten me.

**Saracen**: 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day.

**Valkyrie**: Cheesy. Cute, but cheesy.

**Saracen**: You know, sleep is my second favourite thing to do in bed.

**Valkyrie**: I really didn't wanna know that, Saracen...

**Saracen**: You're not gonna make this easy, eh, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Huh?

**Saracen**: You look great today, by the way.

**Valkyrie**: Uhhh thanks... How do you know?

**Saracen**: I know things, like the fact that you look great _every_ day.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah. Listen, Saracen, is this going anywhere? We're kinda busy, you know...

**Saracen**: Have you smelt the upsexy yet?

**Valkyrie**: What. The. Hell...

**Saracen**: Y'know... The upsexy...

**Valkyrie**: What's upsexy?

**Saracen**: Nothing much, you?

**Valkyrie**: I hate you.

**Saracen**: Nah, you love me! You just don't know it yet.

**Valkyrie**: I'm pretty sure I know how I feel about you, Saracen.

**Saracen**: Don't worry, I'll make you love me, Val. You'll see.

**Valkyrie**: Course I will... So how long will you take to get to the warehouse?

**Saracen**: I'll be there in a couple of days. You know, I have a pen, you have a phone number. Just think of the possibilities.

**Valkyrie**: I have a fist, you have a face. Think of _those_ possibilities.

**Saracen**: You have a tongue, I have a-

**Valkyrie**: SARACEN! God, you're nearly as bad as Skulduggery, in fact you're _worse_.

**Saracen**: I take it it's working, then. You've had a lot of injuries in the past, right, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Good God, where the hell is _this_ one going?

**Saracen**: You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me.

**Valkyrie**: Been taking poetry lessons from Skulduggery?

**Saracen**: Why, is it working?

**Valkyrie**: Look, Saracen, Skulduggery won't shut up about how this call is costing him lot of money, can-

**Saracen**: You like fast food, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, I guess...

**Saracen**: I'll be Burger King, you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

**Valkyrie**: SARACEN! You bloody perv! Stop trying to charm me!

**Saracen**: That means it's working.

**Valkyrie**: OW!

**Saracen**: What's up?

**Valkyrie**: Skulduggery threw his book at me 'cause I'm taking too long. Thanks a lot, Saracen(!)

**Saracen**: My pleasure, Val.

**Valkyrie**: You sure you know where the warehouse is?

**Saracen**: Yes, Valkyrie, and I appreciate your immense concern for my wellbeing, but, please, try not to make it so obvious that you secretly love me, although your open worry is touching.

**Valkyrie**: What are you on about? Actually, forget it, I think I've stopped caring, to be honest. Just make sure you're there soon. And Saracen?

**Saracen**: Yes, dear?

**Valkyrie**: Be careful.

**Saracen**: Can't promise ya anything.

"How did it go?" asked Skulduggery, once Valkyrie had rung off.

"He's the most annoying... Ok, _second_ most annoying person I know," she said, glaring at Skulduggery.

"What have I done now?" He asked.

"It's your fault that I had to speak to him, and have to listen to how much he _loves_ me!" she whined.

At this, Ghastly and Erskine looked up. "Wait, _what_?" asked Erskine.

"Val, you do know how determined Saracen is, right?" questioned Ghastly.

"What do you mean?" asked Valkyrie, who was completely confused. Saracen was just being... Saracen. He didn't really love her, did he?

"Once he has his eyes on a girl, he does everything he can to make sure he gets her. He won't stop until she's his. And, just like that, he'll drop her. He'll leave without a second thought. Why do you think we were chased out of so many villages as Dead Men? There _was_ some truth to the stories we told you, Val," Ghastly said.

"We just don't want to see you get hurt," added Skulduggery.

"Guys, I can't tell if you're joking or not. Saracen does _not_ fancy me, he's just being weird!"

"That may be so, but Saracen is quite the charmer, Valkyrie," said Skulduggery, "so it won't be hard for him to seduce you if he pleases."

"He even seduced _me_ once," added Erskine helpfully.

"Eww, Erskine, I don't wanna know!"

"Just make sure you never go anywhere with him alone, Val. It'll only end badly," said Erskine.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, guys, really, but I'm 24! I think I'll be able to handle it if Saracen approaches me, honestly," retorted Valkyrie. "Besides, I'm not exactly the good girlfriend myself, am I?"

"So, you're saying that you and Saracen are perfect for each other?" asked Skulduggery doubtfully.

"NO! I'm saying, just cut him a little slack. I'm not in love with him, don't worry."

"Well, now that that's sorted, we've got to make our way to the warehouse. We'll leave tomorrow morning, _early_," he said, looking directly at Valkyrie.

"I'm _always_ up early, Skulduggery!" she said innocently.

"That depends on who's perspective you look at it from," he replied.

"Who cares about perspective?"

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"You're so..."

"Clever?"

"Strange."

"You really hate being active, don't you?" asked Ghastly.

She turned to him. "My favourite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch."

Erskine snorted with laughter. "Well in that case, I think we'd better get to sleep. We've got an early start tomorrow."

"Agreed. Where's everyone sleeping?" asked Skulduggery. "I'll meditate in my chair," he added.

"I'll sleep in my room upstairs, unless one of you two wants it," said Valkyrie, looking at Erskine and Ghastly.

"No, it's fine, Val, thanks anyways. I'll be fine on the couch," said Ghastly.

"Yeah, I think I'll be alright down here, too, unless you wanna _share_ the bed..." Erskine said, grinning.

"Uh, no, Erskine, I'm alright, thanks..." said Valkyrie, and she went up to her room quickly, hearing Skulduggery and Erskine chortling happily, and two loud slaps being heard, abruptly cutting off the laughter.


	6. Awkward

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews and your responses to the pairing ideas! I'm gonna try and include a couple different pairings, but obviously I'll make some temporary and have one permanent one at the end to elaborate on. **

**To respond to 'Guest', don't worry, this story will definitely not be angst or depression, although at times it may get a little sad, but it will always perk up afterwards. I'm not sure if Lord Vile and Darquesse will be included, because the next time that Darquesse comes out, it's incredibly unlikely that she will be reined back in, and. I don't wanna write about the world ending ;) Lord Vile might come into the story, but I doubt it, and keep it solely based around the Dead Men and how good they are as a fighting unit, rather than have Lord Vile come and take the spotlight. **

**However, I'll leave it up to my readers! If you want the story to go a specific way or include specific stuff (except for pairings), please review and tell me so I can consider it!**

**Wow that was a long author's note... On with the story! :)**

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><p>"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" sang Skulduggery, as he danced through the house. It was 4am, and he was the only one awake.<p>

Erskine stumbled down the stairs, wearing only boxers, showing off his impressive physique. "Skulduggery, what's your bloody problem?" he groaned. "It's four in the flipping morning- what are you _doing_?"

"Ah, Erskine, you're up! Come on, get some breakfast and then get ready to leave!"

"When you said early... I was thinking more like 7am, or 6am at _least_," he complained.

"Nonsense, you know what they say! The early bird catches the worm!"

"But the second mouse gets the cheese," said Ghastly, coming down the stairs. He was in an unbuttoned shirt and blue jeans, and looked just as annoyed as Erskine. "Seriously, Skul, it's too early."

"Hah, I wonder how mad Val will be..." began Erskine, looking at Skulduggery, grinning.

"Well, let's find out!" he said gleefully, and before anyone could stop him, he went dancing up the stairs to Valkyrie's room. A few seconds later, an extremely loud and out of tune voice could be heard singing Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham.

"_Wake me up before you go-go_," sang Skulduggery, in the most annoying voice any of them had ever heard. "_Take me dancing tonight. I wanna hit that hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh_," and at this bit, Skulduggery literally screeched the high note, holding it for a crazy amount of time.

Erskine and Ghastly, by this point, were on their knees, laughing uncontrollably. Just then, they heard Valkyrie's bedroom door open, and her menacing voice sounded like it was threatening Skulduggery. The door slammed shut a few moments later.

Skulduggery trudged down the stairs, muttering to himself.

"What did she threaten you with _this_ time?" asked Ghastly.

"She said she'd..." muttered Skulduggery, and then trailed off at the end.

"What? Speak up, man!"

"She said she'd turn me into a girl skeleton," said Skulduggery sulkily.

Erskine and Ghastly were now crying with laughter, holding onto each other for support.

"Well, she still needs to get up," muttered Skulduggery, and he went back up the stairs and towards Valkyrie's room. "I'm not gonna miss this," said Erskine, and ran up the stairs after him, Ghastly hot on his heels.

"Valkyrie," said Skulduggery nervously. "Umm... we have to go, so could you get up?"

"_Please_," whispered Ghastly.

"Please," Skulduggery added quickly.

Skulduggery waited a moment, then shrugged to the others, and tried to open the door. It didn't open. He then stepped back, and rammed his shoulder into it. The door didn't budge.

"Go away!" shouted Valkyrie in a muffled voice.

"No!" yelled Skulduggery back.

"Why not?" shouted Valkyrie.

"Because!"

"Cuz what?"

"Because I said so!"

"I don't care!"

"Well, you should!"

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm your partner!"

"SO?"

"So you should have some RESPECT!"

"Do you really think that _you_ deserve respect?!"

"Yes, now show me some and GET OUT OF BED!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO, NO, NO!"

"YES, YES, YES!"

"SKULDUGGERY!" roared Ghastly. "_SHUT UP_!"

"NO!" yelled Skulduggery.

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"_HAH_! You said _no_!" came Valkyrie's muffled voice.

"NO I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU DID!"

"SKULDUGGERY, _PLEASE_ SHUT UP!" shouted Ghastly.

"NO I WON'T!"

"STOP BEING A BABY!"

"I'M NOT!

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"GUYS!" shouted Erskine.

"WHAT?!" they both roared.

"THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED ALL THIS TIME!" he yelled, twisting the handle and opening it.

"_Ohhh_..." muttered Skulduggery, and Ghastly glared at him, and wacked him round the skull.

They stepped into the mess that was Valkyrie's room. In the middle of the room was a single bed, and a large mound under the duvet indicated that Valkyrie was sitting on top of it.

All of a sudden, Skulduggery pounced onto the mound, and Valkyrie shrieked. "Skulduggery, get _off_ me!"

"That looks so wrong..." Erskine began.

"Tell me about it," said Ghastly.

"GOTCHA!" yelled Skulduggery a few moments later, who was standing up, holding Valkyrie securely in front of him, her hands being held behind her back as if she was a criminal. But that's not all that was seen.

Valkyrie was wearing a small, midnight blue nightie, which complimented her dark locks, and left little to the imagination. And, judging by the severe blush on her cheeks, she knew of this little fact. Her chest stuck out more than usual, due to the way that Skulduggery was pulling down on her wrists, making her upper body curve outwards. Without trying, he was making her look incredibly sexy.

Erskine wolf-whistled softly, and at this, Valkyrie glanced up, to see Erskine looking her over, his eyes finally coming to a stop on her legs... Erskine, who had nothing on but a pair of boxers. Valkyrie took this time to admire his physique, which, she admitted, was _amazing_.

Ghastly cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ummm... Skulduggery, could I have a word, please," he said, glaring at him.

"But I just _caught_ her!" Skulduggery whined.

"Oh, you caught her alright..." muttered Erskine.

When it became clear that Skulduggery wasn't going to move, Ghastly walked over, gently released Valkyrie's wrists from Skulduggery's grip, and dragged Skulduggery out of the room, much to his protests.

Now it was just Erskine and Valkyrie.

"I, uh, need to go shower," said Valkyrie, gathering her things. She turned away from Erskine and attempted to tidy her bed.

"Let me," he said, coming up behind her, and putting a gentle hand on her bare arm.

"Thank you," Valkyrie smiled at him, heart pounding in her chest, and she gathered her clothes and left the room, and a few seconds later, the shower could be heard.

Erskine straightened the sheets and adjusted the pillow and duvet. _Man, I didn't know she was that hot, _he thought to himself._ My kind of girl._

Once he was done, he took a rose from a vase in the window, and laid it on the pillow. He knew exactly when and how to be romantic, and had charmed many a woman through flowers before.

He left the room, and went to put some clothes on.

Valkyrie came out of the shower soon after, and saw the rose. _What a charmer_, she thought. However, what she didn't want to admit, was that it was working. She was being seduced.

Dressed now in her black reinforced clothes, her hair tumbling down her shoulders, Valkyrie went down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Ghastly was sitting at the table, in a light blue shirt , sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and blue jeans. He was seated opposite Skulduggery, dressed to perfection as usual, but this time minus his hat. Erskine was leaning against the fridge, in dark jeans and a white shirt, the first few buttons open. He flashed a grin at her, and she returned it with a dazzling smile.

"Valkyrie, Skulduggery has something he wants to tell you," said Ghastly, then looked at Skulduggery.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, Skulduggery?"

"I am very sorry for waking you up early," he began in a voice that suggested that he had rehearsed this many times, and was, in fact, not sorry at all. "I am also very sorry for... what was it again?" asked Skulduggery, who then yelped as Ghastly kicked his leg under the table, and whispered something harshly to him.

"Oh yes!" he said hastily. "For not considering things from your point of view, and for embarrassing you greatly. There, now can I have my hat back?"

"Here," grunted Ghastly, who stood up and picked it up from his chair, and then threw it at Skulduggery, who caught it in one hand. He stared at Ghastly in horror.

"You were _sitting_ on it...? You were sitting on my hat!" he said with disbelief.

"I was," confirmed Ghastly.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and went to open the fridge, but Erskine wouldn't budge. He grinned mischievously at her. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Erskine, I have been woken up at the crack of dawn- no, _before_ the crack of dawn, I've been humiliated in front of three of my closest friends, and I have had to listen to an _awful_ rendition of what used to be one of my favourite songs but is now one I cannot listen to without picturing Skulduggery singing it, which is not a good thing, and I have a feeling he's going to keep up the singing for the rest of the day, so _please, please_ move out of my way," she said, close to begging.

"Someone looks like they need a hug!" said Erskine devilishly, and, before she knew what was happening, he had wrapped his arms around her tightly. Sighing, she relaxed into the hug, and rested her head on his shoulder. Erskine was warm and smelled luxurious, and was strangely comforting. "You're a good hugger," she sighed. "I know," he whispered into her ear, making her spine tingle. His hands rubbed her back in calming motions, but she could've sworn that one dropped down and grazed her rear gently.

Skulduggery, ever the detective, seemed to notice it as well, as he unnecessarily cleared his throat and said, "Valkyrie, we need to leave urgently, so could you grab something to eat _quickly_?"

She reluctantly pulled away from Erskine, and turned and opened the fridge. Grabbing a pizza slice from a couple of days ago, she closed the door and put the slice in the microwave, taking it out a few seconds later.

"NOBODY MOVE!" shouted Skulduggery.

Valkyrie looked up in shock, whilst Ghastly and Erskine just stared at him.

"Who...drew...on...my..._REPORT_?" he roared, picking up a piece of paper from the table, which had been graffitied on all over.

Everyone looked at Erskine.

"It, uh, it wasn't me..." he tried.

"Oh, so it wasn't you who wrote '_Anton my baby_' all over it, as well as cover the page in LOVE HEARTS!?"

"Uhhh... no," denied Erskine, sinking into a seat at the table.

"So it wasn't you who did all that, _plus_ draw a massive heart in the middle with the words '_Anton and Erskine forever_' in it?"

"Ok, I may have gotten a bit carried away," tried Erskine.

"Now, now, Skulduggery, remember your anger management classes..." said Valkyrie.

Skulduggery took deep breaths in and out, then said, in an overly calm voice, "Erskine, I want you to rewrite the entire report, word for word, by next week..." Skulduggery trailed off, and sharply looked up. "You know what? I just realised something..."

"What?" asked Erskine nervously, scared that this realisation was linked to a punishment for him.

"We don't work for the Sanctuary anymore. I don't have to give in that report, which would've gone to you in the end, anyway," said Skulduggery.

"So... you're ok with the fact that I drew on it?" asked Erskine hopefully.

"No! Of course not! That thing took time and effort, and...", he faltered, "effort and, uh, time."

Erskine glanced doubtfully at Valkyrie and Ghastly.

"I want an exact copy of it, Erskine," said Skulduggery sternly.

Valkyrie sighed at Skulduggery's stupidity.

She sat down next to Ghastly and started eating, whilst the others talked about the warehouse. She, however, couldn't concentrate, and was instead thinking about Erskine. _Did he really just touch my butt? Do I even like him? Is he just trying to seduce me for fun? Just how long was he staring at my legs for? Should I thank him for the rose? Should I play along_? Her thoughts whirled around her head. _Stupid Skulduggery. Stupid skeleton getting me up early, now my head hurts._

Valkyrie groaned softly and put her head in her hands, and began to massage her temples. "You okay, Val?" asked Skulduggery, concerned.

"Flipping headache," she muttered. "Too early."

Ghastly stood up and began massaging her shoulders. She started to feel better. "Wow, thanks Ghastly, I already feel better," she said gratefully. "My pleasure," he replied.

Just then, Erskine yelled, "_INCOMING_!" as something crashed through the window.

A bomb.

Ghastly pulled Valkyrie up and they ran for the front door, Skulduggery and Erskine choosing to jump out of the window instead, as they were close to it.

All of a sudden, there was an incredible explosion, which shook the house and enveloped it in a ball of fire. Valkyrie and Ghastly were thrown forward, and crashed through the front wall of the house, their visions fading to blackness.


	7. Funny Bones

**Massive thanks to justrockzyxxx and Valkyrie Smith for reviewing the last chapter- it means a lot, so thank you!**

**Please keep up the reviews so I know how I'm doing! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and the next one will be up soon :)**

**Also, are there any villains that anyone really wants me to include in the story in one way or another? and I mean _anyone, _dead or alive. Anything for my readers! :D I personally love Billy Ray Sanguine, so he will definitely come into it later. I'll add as many as you want, and who knows- they may even end up working _together_ against the Dead Men... ;)**

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><p>When Valkyrie regained consciousness, she found that she was lying in the backseat of the Bentley, her head on someone's lap. She looked up into Erskine's concerned face. "She's awake," he said. She looked around, and saw Skulduggery in the driving seat, and Ghastly next to him.<p>

She winced against the headache that was luring her back into unconsciousness, but felt Erskine place a cool, damp cloth on her forehead. "Thanks," she muttered.

"No problem," he grinned. "That was quite some explosion."

_Explosion_? she thought. Then it all came back to her. "Ghastly..." she began, and tried sitting up, but failed and fell back onto Erskine's lap. She hissed in pain, and felt Erskine stroking her hair. "He's fine, Val," he said, "just a couple of bruises. Same here, and Skulduggery, of course, came out without a scratch. It's you we should be worried about."

At this point, Skulduggery took over, "You were thrown through a _wall_, Valkyrie. Your jacket protected you, but your left wrist was broken. It's still mending, though we've done what we can with it. However, you lost your jacket during the explosion, so... you were burned. Badly. They're on your back and down your right arm. The burns themselves have faded to red marks, now, after we applied some healing gel, but they're still going to be _immensely_ sore." He spoke in a hollow voice, and everyone was silent as Valkyrie took these new facts in.

"I'm sorry," Ghastly said eventually, his tone full of remorse. "I should have shielded you, or manipulated the air, or... done _something_."

"It is _not_ your fault, Ghastly. You didn't throw the bomb, so it's nothing to do with you- I don't blame you at _all_," said Valkyrie, determined to make Ghastly realise that he was not to blame. She tried sitting up again, but once again failed. She arched her back against the pain, feeling Erskine wiping the cloth on her forehead again.

"Anyway, who _is_ to blame?" she asked, through gritted teeth.

"The Sanctuary," answered Skulduggery grimly. "Luckily, all of our bags were already loaded into the boot of the Bentley, so Erskine and I dragged you two in and drove away. Now, we're on course to the warehouse. We set off about 3 hours ago, so we should be there in half an hour."

"Great," said Valkyrie. She really wasn't in the mood for talking or listening or...anything. Her head was pounding, her back was stinging, her arms felt like they were going to drop off. She closed her eyes, just wanting the pain to stop. She heard someone calling her name, their voice distant.

"Val...Val..._Val_!"

"Huh?" she opened her eyes, to find Erskine gently shaking her awake. "We're here," he whispered. Erskine helped her sit up, his hands firmly on her shoulders, and she looked out of the window. They were outside a massive building, three stories high. It looked ugly and desolate, but at least it wouldn't attract attention or raise suspicions. All around was countryside; field after green field of grass and meadows.

Erskine opened the door and got out, then turned around to help Valkyrie. He held onto her waist, and she had an arm around his neck, and she attempted to take a step. Daggers of pain shot up her legs, making her cry out, and she would've collapsed if it wasn't for Erskine holding her up tightly. "Ow..." she murmured, trying to gather her bearings again.

Hearing her cries of pain, Skulduggery turned around from up ahead, and the next thing she knew, she was being carried bridal style the rest of the way into the warehouse. She buried her head in Skulduggery's neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "Thanks," she said. "No problem," he replied.

When the two had gone far enough ahead, Erskine muttered to Ghastly, "I would've carried her just _fine_," in a sulky voice. "Then _he_ had to come."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "Erskine, she's too good for you. She deserves someone faithful, who'll stay with her. You know that you'll leave her as soon as you spot someone else."

Erskine sighed. "Yeah, but you could've at least let me _try_. It's not as if I _love_ her, I just... She's 24, Ghastly, and she's grown into a beautiful young lady. I guess I didn't think..."

"You are to stay away from her," threatened Ghastly, "because she deserves someone _better_."

"I know. I'm still gonna be her best friend, though. Well, after Skulduggery. And you. Good luck in getting Saracen away from her..."

Ghastly sighed. "I know, and as soon as he shows up, he's gonna be on her. You don't think of Dexter as a threat?"

"No, honestly- he sees Val as a little sister. He loves her, but not romantically," said Erskine.

"Are you two coming in or what?" called Skulduggery to the other two.

They hastily gathered their belongings and went through the door.

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><p>The inside of the warehouse seemed even larger than the exterior, due to the lack of furniture. They passed a few offices, then turned a corner into what must have been the large banqueting hall that Skulduggery was talking about before. They walked past it, and entered another door that led into something that resembled a living room. There were three large sofas, an armchair, and a couple of tables.<p>

Skulduggery laid Valkyrie down on one of the sofas, and went to find medical supplies. Erskine went to help him.

"Right- now that we're finally here, do you want anything to eat?" asked Ghastly, trying to be cheerful.

"No thanks- I just want a rest, to be honest. I'm exhausted."

"Well, I think there are some blankets and cushions around here somewhere..." he said, then walked off to find them.

Valkyrie leaned back and stretched. She groaned softly. _At least Erskine's stopped flirting. I prefer him as a best friend. Not a lover_, she thought to herself, and chuckled softly at the thought. Ghastly returned, and gently placed a couple of cushions under Valkyrie's head, and put a blanket on her. "Thank you, Ghastly," she said gratefully, and closed her eyes. The last thing she heard was Ghastly say, "It'll have to do until the bedrooms are sorted."

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><p>She awoke later, feeling refreshed, and was able to sit up by herself. She stood up just as the others came in.<p>

"Ahhh... you're up!" said Skulduggery, and wrapped her in a hug. She smiled into his collar. "And feeling much better, too," she said.

"Excellent," he replied. "We'll have a look at those burns a bit later, but for now, I think you need something to eat."

He led her into the kitchen, Ghastly and Erskine following, and they all sat down around a large dining table except for Skulduggery, who took a pizza box out of a cupboard, and set it on the table.

"Picked this up on the way here," he said to Valkyrie, as she opened the box and began eating a slice of the Margherita pizza.

"I was eating a pizza slice before the explosion as well," she remarked.

"Bon appetit!" said Erskine, as he took a slice, too, closely followed by Ghastly.

"I think you mean, _bone_ appetit!" grinned Valkyrie.

"Oh God, not this again..." groaned Skulduggery.

"Bringing out the skeleton puns again, Val?" chuckled Ghastly.

"Yup, 100% guaranteed to annoy him," she said smugly. Skulduggery groaned and laid his head on the table.

"What's wrong, am I getting under your skin?" teased Valkyrie. "Don't have the stomach for it?"

Skulduggery lifted his head slightly and said, "Valkyrie, please, this is _torture_."

"Oh come on, Sherlock Bones, lighten up!"

"Don't fancy any pizza? How about spare ribs instead?" Erskine joined in, laughing.

"Oh, God, guys these 'jokes' are _awful_!" groaned Skulduggery.

"What's up? Did we strike a nerve?" grinned Valkyrie.

"Lacking in funny bones?" said Erskine, and him and Val took it in turns to say a terrible, _terrible_ skeleton joke, much to Ghastly's amusement and Skulduggery's discomfort.

"Don't find us humerus?"

"Numbskull!"

"You're so hard headed!"

"Not tickling your ribs?"

"This conversation is getting a little dis-jointed..."

"You're so spineless!"

"You don't have the guts to answer!"

"We can see right through you!"

"Oh, are you skullking?

"How heartless!"

"Got a femur?"

"Ever considered music? You could play the trombone!"

"Or become Pelvis Presley!"

"Don't have the balls to stand up for yourself?"

"STOP IT!" roared Skulduggery, finally having had enough. He got up and _ran_ out of the room, Erskine and Valkyrie chasing after him with more awful jokes.

_Well, at least her injuries have gone down_, thought Ghastly.

Now, all that was left to do was wait for the arrival of the others, and they could begin formulating their plans. Including how to break into the Sanctuary.


	8. An Arrival

**Thank you for your reviews! (Valkyrie Smith: Yes, I was practising that in my head, over and over :D and Dexter's arrival will definitely bring immaturity and stupidity... ;) ) **

**This one's slightly shorter, but to compensate I will update either later today or tomorrow. **

**Thanks again for the continued support; I can't express how much it means to me!**

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><p><em>Knock, knock, knock.<em>

A sharp rap was heard on the door of the warehouse, annoying a sleepy Valkyrie. They were yet to allocate rooms, as well as even clean them out, so Erskine, Ghastly and Valkyrie had each claimed one of the sofas, and had slept in the 'living room', as they were now calling it. Meanwhile, Skulduggery had meditated in the armchair, but had soon grown restless and, whilst everyone was asleep, had begun whistling, humming and drumming his fingers. After having countless cushions, and even _shoes_, thrown at him after he had woken up the other three, he was soon chased out of the room by a furious Valkyrie.

With her burns irritating her, she could not get back to sleep, but she was finally starting to drift off again when, of course, someone had to knock on the door.

"I swear, if this isn't someone I wanna see, I'm biting their head off and using it as a pillow," grumbled Valkyrie to herself. She got up and walked into the lobby, to see Skulduggery stalking towards the door with his gun drawn. There was no sign of Erskine or Ghastly; they had probably gotten up earlier than her and were making breakfast.

Skulduggery inched forwards slowly. Valkyrie tried to fix her hair, and decided to just let it out of its ponytail. She smoothed out her black clothes, and looked up when Skulduggery opened the door, to a handsome man with long black hair, dressed in a formal black suit, with a small suitcase next to him.

Skulduggery opened the door wider, and greeted Anton Shudder with a warm hug. "Glad you could make it," said Skulduggery, as if he had just popped over for a friendly visit, trying to mask the danger of the situation that they had found themselves in.

They parted, and Anton turned to Valkyrie. "It's been too long," he said, and wrapped her in an affectionate hug, which she gladly returned. She had always liked Anton; he was always hospitable and warm towards her, and made her laugh with the shortest of sentences. He was sophisticated, and had also taken control of his life and built up his own empire- the Midnight Hotel. She admired that, yet, she knew, not to the point of romance. He was a close friend, and she greatly valued his friendship.

Erskine and Ghastly wandered into the lobby to see what the fuss was about, and were surprised to see Anton, before giving him enthusiastic hugs. Anton, however, was wary of Erskine after their awkward phone conversation, and this wariness only increased when Erskine batted his eyelashes at him. "Erskine, drop it," said Ghastly, grinning, and Erskine obliged, leading the others into the kitchen where him and Ghastly had prepared sandwiches.

"Have you heard?" asked Anton, never one for small talk. "Sanguine has been broken out of prison by a mystery person, as well as the recent disappearance of the Black Cleaver. Also, the Irish Sanctuary has a new Grand Mage... Any guesses?"

"China?" guessed Valkyrie. Anton shook his head, "She hasn't dared to show her face in public recently; she's not exactly the most popular person right now."

"Uhhh... The Supreme Council?" guessed Ghastly. "Nope," said Anton. "They dissolved a while ago."

"Well," began Erskine, "as far as I'm concerned, the only person who's even _remotely_ worthy of filling my boots is, well, _me_, but I'm _here_, so... are they a republic?"

"No, Erskine," sighed Anton, and everyone wondered how the hell Erskine ever became _Grand Mage_ of Ireland. Skulduggery spoke up,

"Well, the Irish Sanctuary is in a state of chaos at the moment, so I'd imagine that the decision was made in a panicked rush, so on that basis, it would either be a random Mage who felt the need to step up, or a Grand Mage from another Sanctuary, wanting to expand their "empire". I find the latter more convincing, so it's just a case of who to go for. It clearly will only be one of the ringleaders of the Supreme Council, as everyone else will have learnt their lesson about trying to control other Sanctuaries. However, so many of them ended up dying that it could instead be a new representative of their Sanctuary. The only two Sanctuaries that come to mind are the German Sanctuary, or the British Sanctuary. Simply because of area and location with regard to Ireland, I believe that it is the British Sanctuary who have now taken ownership of the Irish Sanctuary, therefore the new Grand Mage must be Palaver Graves." Skulduggery sat back proudly in his seat, well aware that he had impressed everyone.

"Got it in one," grinned Shudder. "That idiot Graves is Grand Mage, and you know how much he hates us, so we're all in extreme danger. He's being backed by various Sanctuaries around the world, so we really need to be careful."

"What about Sanguine and the Black Cleaver? Do you think we need to worry about them? Do you think they're working _together_?" asked Valkyrie.

"They're definitely threats," said Skulduggery, "especially with Sanguine's power of tunnelling, but I doubt they're working together. Sanguine likes doing things by himself, for himself."

Valkyrie suddenly sat forward. "I've just thought of something. You know how he's been broken out of prison... Do you think that's the same person who's got the Black Cleaver?"

Everyone was silent, until Ghastly spoke. "It's definitely likely. Too likely. So someone's conspiring against us, building up a little team to take us down, with the likes of Billy and the Cleaver."

"Well then," began Skulduggery cheerfully, "we'd better just try very hard not to die."


	9. Here Come the Boys

**I really appreciate all of your reviews, they are really inspiring and encouraging, thank you!**

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><p>It was now a few hours later, and the five of them had just finished tidying the bedrooms in the warehouse, and it turned out that there were only three. Two of them had two single beds, and one had a double bed. Therefore, they had to work out who was sleeping with who. However, Ghastly and Anton, ever the fair ones, suggested that they decided only when Dexter and Saracen had arrived, in order to satisfy them as well.<p>

So, now they were bored. However, just then, as if providing an answer for their boredom, a couple of knocks were heard on the front door again, accompanied by a voice calling, "Hello? I heard there was an old fossil, a wicked witch, Tweedledum and Tweedledee in this precise location, as well as possibly a funeral director and an overweight blob who knows stuff. Nope? Doesn't ring any bells?"

Valkyrie ran through the hall and flung open the door, and wrapped Dexter in a hug. "Ahhh, so there _is_ a wicked witch. Decide amongst yourselves who the others are," he grinned. Valkyrie breathed in, smelling exotic... stuff. She couldn't place her finger on it, but it smelled German, which made sense seeing as he had been in Bavaria when they called. He released her, and turned to the others, who had followed Valkyrie in.

"Gladys!" he said happily, and embraced Ghastly, then turned and did the same to "Skuttlebug". He shook Anton's hand, knowing he didn't like hugs, least of all _his_, and then turned to Erskine, hugging him. "Miss your fancy-arsed job, pretty boy?" he teased.

"Surprisingly, no," replied Erskine. "Want a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm starving. The food on the flight was _disgusting_," said Dexter, taking a squashed, half eaten bread roll from his pocket. "Anyone want a bite?" he asked playfully, tossing it at Erskine. He caught it, and proceeded to throw it back, and the two continued on into the kitchen, playing catch with the food. Shaking his head, Ghastly followed them.

"Sooo..." began Skulduggery.

Valkyrie moved her hand up to brush her hair out of her face, but winced. Skulduggery and Anton both noticed.

"You okay?" asked Anton, worried.

"Just a couple of burns from an explosion," said Valkyrie, trying to brush off the topic, but Skulduggery wouldn't let her.

"The Sanctuary threw a bomb at my house, and Valkyrie was injured. In fact, I think we should take a look at those burns now, before they get worse. They're clearly bothering you."

"It's no big deal," she murmured, but he was right. They _were_ bothering her.

"Come on," coaxed Skulduggery gently. "I'll get some medical supplies." He walked off, leaving Valkyrie with Anton.

She led him into the living room, and sat on the sofa. She took off her jacket, revealing her black spaghetti strap top, and a nasty burn along her right arm. Anton grimaced. "That looks painful."

"It is," she confirmed. "I think the ones on my back are worse, though."

"You get injured a lot, don't you, Val?" asked Anton gently.

"It's nothing," said Valkyrie quietly, but he was right. She _did_ get hurt a lot, and one of these days the injury would be lethal.

Skulduggery entered the room again, this time carrying a first aid box. He sat next to Valkyrie on the sofa, holding a tub with pale cream inside it. Anton left the room, giving the two some privacy.

"This is going to sting a little," warned Skulduggery. He removed his glove so he didn't get cream on it, and applied a small amount to his index finger. He gently smoothed it onto the burn, aware of Valkyrie tensing up and gritting her teeth.

She hissed in pain, unable to take any more. "Is it meant to be hurting this much?"

"Yes, unfortunately, now be brave; that was the easy bit." And with that, Skulduggery put more and more onto the wound.

Valkyrie felt tears in her eyes- the pain was unbearable, even worse than actually _getting_ the burn. "Please, Skulduggery, stop," she said, hating how weak she sounded.

Skulduggery didn't like doing this to her, but he knew that if he didn't, she would be in even more pain later on. He hated seeing her in pain; it just about killed him every time.

"Almost done," he said soothingly, and, sure enough, a few seconds later he stopped, wiped his fingers, and put the lid back on the tub.

Valkyrie's arm was still stinging from the cream, and did so even more every time she moved it. "How long until the pain stops?" she asked. "I'm not sure, but it shouldn't be more than a couple of hours," replied Skulduggery, attempting to reassure her.

She nodded, and sat back, attempting to forget about the burn. "Hungry?" asked Skulduggery, also trying to take her mind off the pain. "Hell, yeah," said Valkyrie, and they went into the kitchen together, intending to take care of the burns on her back later.

Dexter was sitting opposite Anton and Ghastly, whilst Erskine was at the head of the table. Immediately, they noticed that Valkyrie looked a little paler, and had lost her spark. "Y'alright, Val?" asked Erskine.

"Yeah," said Valkyrie, trying to cover up her burned arm. She had tried to put on her black jacket over the top again, but it was too painful when the material rubbed against her arm, so she had stayed in her thin top.

Ghastly noticed the burn. "God, Val... I had no idea it was that bad... I'm sorry," he said, still thinking that it was his fault. She raised her arms to hug him, but winced as her right arm moved, so she gave Ghastly a one-armed hug. "I'm fine, see?" she said, wiggling her fingers of her right arm, trying not to show how much it hurt to do so. However, Ghastly picked up on it.

"Val, you can't even move your _fingers_ without wincing," he said.

"Yeah, but that's not your fault, Ghastly, alright?" she insisted, then sat down in the chair next to Dexter.

"Anyone gonna explain...?" asked Dexter, who was completely oblivious to what had happened before the four had set off for the warehouse.

"The Sanctuary bombed my house," explained Skulduggery. "Val got caught in the blast, and was burnt badly, and though she insists that they don't hurt or bother her, it is quite clear that she is in a considerable amount of pain." Valkyrie looked down at the table, whilst Dexter sat, in shock.

"Wow..." he muttered. He put an arm around Valkyrie's shoulders, carefully and gently so that he didn't hurt her. She sighed and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Well, hopefully my back won't be as bad," said Valkyrie, trying to be cheerful.

"Your back as _well_?" asked Dexter in disbelief. "That must have been _some_ explosion."

"It had its moments, yeah," said Erskine, subtly trying to ease off the subject. "Want something to eat, Val?"

"Yeah, what do we have?"

"Well, being the genius that he is, Erskine only packed a half empty takeaway box and a bunch of other random items of food that he could get his hands on, so... not a whole lot," said Ghastly, glaring at Erskine, who was suddenly finding the floor really interesting.

"Well, you were the one who put me in charge of food," he mumbled.

"So what exactly _do_ we have?" repeated Valkyrie, who was _starving_.

"Ummm... Erskine?" asked Ghastly, looking at him.

"Well, there's half a Chinese takeaway, some bread, butter, lettuce, carrots, some other green vegetables, or they might be fruit, uh, some raw chicken, well, I think it's chicken, but it might be beef, or lamb, or even fish, um there's some salt, pepper, spices, rice, sugar, flour, eggs, peas, and, ummm, Coke. Oh, and beer. Lots and _lots_ of beer," he finished, dreamily.

Everyone stared at Erskine. "What?" he asked, dumbly.

"Are you telling me that you didn't pack any proper food? That you just packed ingredients to _make_ other food _with_?" asked Dexter in disbelief.

"Ummm, well you could say that," answered Erskine.

Dexter sighed, and Ghastly put his head in his hands, as did Anton. Skulduggery peered at Erskine. "You're not very bright, are you?" he asked him, bluntly.

Erskine went red. "Oh, is that my phone ringing?" he said, trying to get away from the conversation.

He went to leave the room, but as he was going through the door, Skulduggery said, "Isn't this your phone _here_, Erskine?" He held up Erskine's mobile phone.

"Oh, uh, yeah," muttered Erskine, who snatched it and then walked off towards the bedrooms.

"I'm still hungry, you know," said Valkyrie, her stomach aching with the lack of food. "Me too," agreed Dexter.

"How about some sandwiches for now, and then later on someone can try and make something edible out of all this crap that Erskine brought," suggested Ghastly.

"I heard that!" came Erskine's voice from upstairs.

"Big ears," muttered Ghastly. He got up and began making some sandwiches for Valkyrie and Dexter. Just then, there was a knock on the door, and a voice, rich with travel, lust and charm, said,

"Do you expect me to stand out here forever, guys? Come on, Ghastly, stop making sandwiches, that's it, put the bread down, and come open the door! You too, Dex, get off that lazy arse and let me in; the sun is not benefiting me in any way. And Valkyrie, as beautiful as you look sitting there, please arise off your hot, petite butt, fair maiden, and let your knight in shining armour through the door so he can sweep you off your feet and shower you with kisses, and whisk you away to one of the three bedrooms upstairs where we can..._elope_."

Despite herself, Valkyrie grinned. Saracen Rue had arrived.

Things were about to get interesting.


	10. I Know Things

**Thank you again for the reviews and the support; I cannot express my gratitude, thank you! Thanks to Justrockzyxxx, Valkyrie Smith, Sebastian Castellen, Lauryn and Suns us, for reviewing the last chapter. **

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><p>Dexter went to open the door, followed by Valkyrie. Skulduggery and Ghastly hung back.<p>

"He's on her already," said Ghastly, keeping his voice low. "He'll break her heart."

"I'll talk to him alone, and give him a strict warning," said Skulduggery. "I won't let him hurt her."

Ghastly sighed. "He won't give up without a fight, Skul," he said, then walked off towards the door.

"It's _Skulduggery_, not '_Skul_'," he muttered, then followed.

Dexter flung open the door, and greeted Saracen with a hug. "Ahh, my fat little blob, what brings you here?" he teased.

"I could ask you the same thing, Mr Mentality-of-a-four-year-old," Saracen retorted. He turned to her, and flashed her a cocky grin, then pulled her into a hug. "I've missed you," he whispered into her ear, in a seductive tone. Valkyrie's spine tingled, and it didn't help when he soothingly rubbed her lower back, below her burns so it didn't hurt, clearly knowing exactly where to avoid thanks to his mystery power. His hand slowly made its way lower down her back, and reached her rear, where it rested for a second, before Skulduggery cleared his throat.

"Saracen, you made it in one piece, I see," he commented dryly.

Saracen reluctantly released Valkyrie, although he left a hand on her waist. "Yup, my days of missing flights and losing things are over," he confirmed, then started patting his pockets and his head.

"Uhhh..." said Erskine.

"Aha! Here they are," said Saracen, and he pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, and hooked it on the front of his shirt. "What were we talking about...? Never mind," he said, then gave the men quick hugs, except for Anton, who quickly backed away. It turned out he hated Saracen's hugs even more than Dexter's.

"Got anything to eat?" he asked them. "Oh yeah, you were making sandwiches, right? Got any spare?"

"I think _you've_ had _enough_ to eat, Saracen," teased Erskine, patting Saracen's stomach.

"How did you know we were making sandwiches?" asked Dexter.

"Oh, y'know, I just know things," said Saracen casually.

"How?"

"By knowing them," he grinned, and, with that, he sauntered off into the kitchen. Grumbling, Dexter followed, as well as Ghastly, Erskine and Anton. Valkyrie was about to go, too, when Skulduggery gently pulled her back.

"Be careful with Saracen," he said into her ear. "He may seem all charm and easy smiles, but as soon as you think you're getting somewhere, and that he really loves you, he'll leave you with a broken heart," he warned.

"I think you're overacting, he's just looking for some fun," said Valkyrie defensively, and she walked into the kitchen. Skulduggery sighed, then followed.

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><p>"So, let me get this straight," Saracen was saying as they walked in, "between the six of you, the only food we have are ingredients of other dishes?"<p>

"It's Erskine's fault," they all said, whilst Erskine stood there looking embarrassed like last time. Not wanting a repeat of something that had happened mere moments before, and had led to her getting no food, Valkyrie quickly stepped in.

"How about we all have sandwiches now," she said, "then later, as a proper dinner, I'll make us all something out of whatever stuff Erskine's brought. Including a dessert."

"Sounds great, thanks Val," said Erskine.

"Yeah, looking forward to it," agreed Dexter, with a grin.

"I'm sure it will be delicious," said Ghastly.

"If only I was still able to eat..." mused Skulduggery.

"If you need a hand with it, I'd be happy to help," offered Anton, smiling warmly.

"Me too," said Saracen lastly, flashing another grin.

Valkyrie smiled, "Well, it looks like I'll be cooking tonight! And you'd better all enjoy it, or _else_," she threatened.

"So... what's the current situation?" asked Dexter.

"Well," began Skulduggery, whilst Ghastly and Valkyrie rolled their eyes. Whenever Skulduggery began a sentence with 'Well' it usually meant that a long speech was in store. And, sure enough, it was.

"Fletcher Renn is still being held by the Irish Sanctuary, so we need to get him out of there as soon as possible. Not only because he is an ally, but because he could prove to be useful later on. Also, Billy Ray Sanguine has been broken out of prison recently, by a person or persons unknown. It is likely that this person or persons has or have also liberated the Black Cleaver. Also, Palaver Graves of the British Sanctuary is now in charge of Ireland. Therefore, our next moves will be based around attacking the Sanctuary, breaking out Fletcher, and staying out of trouble, but getting into trouble deliberately in order to ensure that we avoid trouble in the long term, simply by getting into trouble now to work out what we need to do to do what we need, and that will probably involve quite a bit of getting into trouble, so we are technically getting into trouble for no apparent reason, and, judging by your confused, blank and, in Valkyrie's case, angry faces, I think that I am getting in quite a bit of trouble, so... maybe I should stop talking..." Skulduggery trailed off.

Six angry people were staring at him. Six angry, _hungry_ people, who were in no mood for Skulduggery's nonsense.

"So basically we just need to get Fletcher out of the sanctuary?" asked Anton with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, yes," began Skulduggery, flustered, but both Valkyrie and Ghastly noticed that he said 'Well' again, meaning that he was about to launch into another monologue, so Ghastly quickly interrupted with, "Anyone want a sandwich?"

Skulduggery promptly closed his mouth, annoyed that the spotlight was now off him.

"Yes, please, I'm starving. I think I've only eaten, like, two pizza slices in the past 24 hours," said Valkyrie. She took a sandwich, and bit into it gratefully, wondering what the hell she was going to make for dinner that evening, now that she had promised them a five star meal... not to mention _dessert_, as well.

_Me and my big mouth._


	11. Dinner Date

**OMG, 45 reviews already! I have the best readers ever, thank you! You're all amazing, and without each and every one of you, regardless if you have reviewed or not, I would not be writing this story. I was planning to have stopped it at around chapter 15, but I honestly think that now I'll get to at least 40 chapters, because of your phenomenal ideas and generous support. THANK YOU!**

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><p>It was now 6pm. Time for Valkyrie to start prepping dinner. Luckily, her arm had stopped hurting so much, as Skulduggery had said it would, although it did still sting slightly. She sighed, and walked into the kitchen. <em>Why the hell did I have to offer?<em> she asked herself for the millionth time that day.

The others were lounging in the living room, and she had been walking around the warehouse, getting a feel for the place. However, now she couldn't put it off any longer.

She looked at the array of ingredients on the counter, cursing Erskine for his stupidity. Suddenly, she had an idea, that came in the shape of an old family recipe or two. She knew _exactly_ what to make...

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><p>One and a half hours later, Valkyrie walked into the living room, where the others were all congregated, except for Dexter, who wanted to explore more of the warehouse. Covered in flour, bits of raw meat and a load of vegetable choppings, she announced,<p>

"The dinner slash dessert is now ready, now get your muscly arses into the kitchen, and _enjoy_ it, 'cause I spent _ages_ working on it whilst trying to ignore the pain of my burn, which I was unsuccessful in doing, so if I hear _any_ complaints..." she ended with a glare that had, on many occasions, reduced even Skulduggery to a withering mess. The men hastily left the living room and headed towards the kitchen, Anton and Valkyrie at the back of the group.

"Sorry I wasn't able to help," apologised Anton. "It's alright, I think I work better alone, anyway," admitted Valkyrie. "I'll get Dexter for you," said Anton, gently touching her arm, and left to go hunt for Dexter.

Valkyrie went into the kitchen, where Skulduggery was leaning against the counter, and the others were seated around the dining table. At the head of the table was Erskine, and then on one side was Saracen next to an empty seat, and opposite him were two more empty seats. At the other end of the table sat Ghastly. Valkyrie claimed her seat to be the one opposite Saracen, and put down a glass of water in that space. The others already had beer cans in front of them, except for Ghastly, who had a purple juice- probably cranberry.

Dexter and Anton entered the room, Dexter sitting next to Saracen, and Anton coming next to Valkyrie. She got up, and began serving up the plates. She had made roast chicken, with an assortment of vegetables, as well as rice, with a curry-like sauce. She had tried it herself, and had to admit that she most certainly _was_ a genius.

Upon putting the plates in front of them, the men's faces lit up with joy. This was probably the best meal they'd had in a long time, and they quickly tucked in.

"Wow, Val, this seriously is _delicious_," gushed Erskine.

"I had no idea you could cook like this, Valkyrie- _wow_," added Ghastly.

Dexter spent a few moments swallowing, and then said, "This is the tastiest thing I have _ever_ eaten, no exaggeration," said Dexter sincerely.

"Val, baby, this meat is so tender, and the veg is divine. Thank you," said Saracen in a sleazy voice. Valkyrie was a bit taken aback by the nickname Saracen had given her, and hoped that he discontinued these pet names. _I'm not actually into him, _she reminded herself, _he's just playing around. He's getting closer, though. I don't wanna put a stop to it but I don't want him to go too far. Oh flipping hell I'm talking to myself inside my head; probably not a good sign when your head starts an argument with itself..._

"It's a miracle how you managed to make this out of those random things that Erskine brought, well done- it's truly delicious," smiled Anton. Valkyrie mentally shook her head, and smiled her thanks at everyone. "Leave room for dessert," she reminded them, only hoping that they would be just as pleased with a sponge cake and raspberry sauce.

All was quiet for a couple of minutes, until Ghastly broke the silence. "Are these artichokes?"

"Yeah," replied Valkyrie, "pretty random for Erskine to have brought them, though. They're steamed, and some are boiled."

"Artichokes, eh?" began Saracen, and Valkyrie knew, she just _knew_, that he was gearing up for some more stupidity. And, sure enough...

"I wanna strip you down like an artichoke, so I can get to your heart," he said, staring into Valkyrie's eyes. "That sounds... painful," she said, really hoping that he would quit with this nonsense. Alas, he did not.

"First time usually is," he said, grinning. Valkyrie unnecessarily cleared her throat, and saw Dexter elbow Saracen in the ribs. Ghastly glared at Saracen, and from behind her, she could practically _feel_ a death glare radiating off Skulduggery, in Saracen's general direction. "I know," replied Valkyrie quietly, her cheeks bright red, and, at this, Saracen and Erskine whooped, whilst Anton and Ghastly nearly choked on their food. Dexter was having a hard time trying to keep a straight face. From the quiet commotion happening behind her, it sounded like Skulduggery had lost his balance. _What an interesting way to break it to them that I'm no longer a virgin,_ she thought to herself.

"So..." she began awkwardly. "I guess we'll have to go shopping tomorrow, at least if you don't want to be eating only raw vegetables for the foreseeable future."

"Yeah, did anyone want to nominate themselves for going?" asked Ghastly, taking Val's hint and changing the subject. "Skulduggery is, obviously, ruled out of it, seeing as he can't eat, so will probably bring back washing powder and expect us to cook and eat it. Also, I don't think Erskine should go either, for obvious reasons." At this, there was unanimous agreement, whilst Erskine just sat there sheepishly.

"I'll go; I'm used to going on shopping runs for the hotel," said Anton.

Everyone else sat there silently.

"I don't mind going," offered Valkyrie, when it was clear that no one else would bother putting themselves forward. Anton smiled at her.

Of course, now that Valkyrie was going, Saracen saw it as the perfect opportunity for some _action_, so promptly volunteered to go, too. "Actually, I've changed my mind. I'll go as well," he said innocently. However, Skulduggery saw right through what Saracen was trying to do, not that that was hard to achieve, and said, "I think two people will be enough, Saracen."

"It's not as if _you_ would know, you can't even eat," Saracen muttered, sulkily.

"Are there any requests for things to buy?" asked Valkyrie.

"Condoms," joked Dexter, then quickly realised the problem with his joke- the only female here was Valkyrie... He quickly shut his mouth and continued eating, embarrassed, whilst Valkyrie also looked down, her cheeks burning. _For God's sake, what's with all the sex talk tonight? _she wondered in her head_. It's like Saracen's presence is turning us all into... perverts..._

"Well, I could do with some tea," said Ghastly, once again taking it upon himself to change the subject. "So tea bags, sugar and milk."

"Wait, I'll write a list," said Anton, and he got a pen and paper, and began writing things down. Saracen, meanwhile, had found his tongue and felt like now was the time to resume his flirting.

"I know milk does a body good," he said to Valkyrie, "but _damn_ girl, how much have you been drinking?" He grinned, and whispered, "I know that you know what I mean by _milk_ and what I mean by _that_." Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned.

"Y'know Val, you look cute when you do that. You make my soufflé rise," he said, then burst out laughing. Anton looked up from writing, and stared at Saracen. Ghastly looked like he was about to slap him. Meanwhile, Erskine and Dexter appeared to be holding in laughter, and then suddenly began choking on their food. Skulduggery, meanwhile, appeared as confused as a skeleton could. Living mainly an old-fashioned lifestyle, following old traditions and beliefs, he was unaware of the language and innuendos of today's youth, so, rather shamelessly, asked, "What on _earth_ are you talking about?" At this, the whole table blushed red, even Saracen.

"This is worse than the time he asked what a condom was," muttered Valkyrie. Dexter and Erskine snorted with laughter, Saracen grinned, Ghastly raised an eyebrow at Skulduggery, whilst Anton looked faintly amused.

"Uh, is anyone ready for dessert?" asked Valkyrie hastily, eager to change the topic yet again, before it reverted back to sex. There were enthusiastic nods, so she got up and collected some of the plates, and put them by the sink. Anton got up to help her, and soon dessert was served.

The sponge cake and raspberry sauce was set before the men, and they instantly tucked in, after complimenting Valkyrie immensely once again. However, Saracen just _had_ to go that extra mile.

"Mmh, this is great, thanks for cooking for us, Val. You're so _sweet_, I'm gonna get diabetes just by looking at ya, let alone _tasting_ ya," he said, adding the last bit in a low voice.

"Saracen, please cut it out," said Valkyrie, now getting tired of this. She knew that she was probably one of the hardest people to charm that Saracen had ever tried to seduce, and unfortunately she also knew that Saracen liked a challenge. It would be a long time before he shut up.

"Maybe someday we can cook a dish together. I'm a master baker," he said. "Let's do breakfast tomorrow; should I call you, or _nudge_ you?" he asked innocently, grinning like a lunatic.

Valkyrie just ignored him, and his constant hints towards sex. However, Skulduggery, as blunt as ever, just had to open his big non-existent mouth. "_Oh_, I understand _this_ one! By '_nudge_' he means that you will be sleeping together, therefore indicating that you've just had sex the night before!"

"_SKULDUGGERY, SHUT UP_!" yelled everyone at the table, except Saracen, who was holding in laughter.

"Speaking of sleeping, uh, _arrangements_," began Dexter, shooting Valkyrie an apologetic look, "who's sleeping where?"

"Oh yeah, so for those who don't know by now, there are three bedrooms," said Ghastly. "Two of them have two single beds, and the remaining one has a double bed."

Everyone knew how awkward it would be for two of the men to share the double bed, so it was clear that Valkyrie had to share it with one of them. The question was, who?

"I think Skul should meditate in the armchair in the living room, so he doesn't wake us all up _again_," said Erskine, narrowing his eyes at Skulduggery. Anton, Dexter and Saracen looked at them questioningly.

Erskine sighed, "It's a long story, guys, but it involves a classic by 'Wham' being brutally _murdered_, and threats about turning someone into a girl skeleton."

"Ok, I'm down here, then," said Skulduggery, eager to change the subject. "What about the rest of you?"

"Anton, if you don't mind, I'll share a room with you, as much for your benefit as it is for mine," suggested Ghastly. "Yeah, that sounds ideal," said Anton, knowing that Ghastly was pretty much the only sane one here, although he wouldn't have minded sharing with Valkyrie, either.

It was clear that Valkyrie would get the double room, but everyone wondered who it would be with. Dexter probably wouldn't be comfortable with it, seeing as how Val was the equivalent of a sister to him. This left Erskine and Saracen; both were charmers and master seducers. They were both extremely likely to try and have sex with Valkyrie, even on the first night. So, it was just a case of who would speak first. Valkyrie hoped it would be Erskine- she knew that he saw her more as a friend, now, than a lover. She knew that if it was Saracen, she would _not_ be sleeping.

Unfortunately, the first person to speak _was_ Rue. "I'll share with ya, Val."

Out of the corner of her eye, Valkyrie saw Ghastly exchange looks with Skulduggery, and Anton raised his eyebrow. "If everyone's happy with that..." said Skulduggery, offering Valkyrie a chance to escape. But where would she go? She couldn't sleep on one of the sofas; they weren't comfortable enough for a whole night's sleep.

She nodded, reluctantly. Surely she'd be able to stop Saracen from going too far... right?

_Please_, she thought, _kill me now._


	12. Sleep Tight

**For this chapter, I changed Val's family life a bit- I know the stuff I wrote couldn't be further from the truth, but I thought it would be a nice twist and would help in later chapters. Don't hate me! **

**Thank you Lauryn, Valkyrie Smith, Justrockzyxxx, Fire Kitty 12, Wolfy Loveland, Hahah, and Sebastian Castellen for reviewing the last chapter; glad I made you laugh, and I hope you enjoy this update!**

**Also, thanks so much to the people who have followed/favourited this story, and my other SP story, it honestly means the world to me that people are actually interested in my amateur writing; thank you!**

**Any and all criticism is welcome, as well as requests or ideas! :) xx**

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><p>Once everyone had finished dessert, Valkyrie collected their plates and put them in the sink, too tired to clean them, and planned to do them tomorrow. One by one, the men left the room, each giving Valkyrie a warm hug, and thanking her for the dinner. Dexter, as he had enjoyed it so much, literally lifted Valkyrie up and spun her around, eventually setting her down soon after. Saracen went last.<p>

He hugged her tightly, once again rubbing her back. "Thank you for dinner tonight, Val. It was _orgasmic_," he said. However, once again, as he was talking, his hand dropped lower and began caressing her rear. "I'm just glad you liked it," said Valkyrie, feeling taken aback, but not uncomfortable.

They stayed like that for a few moments, with Saracen's left hand slowly coming up her front. Valkyrie decided to end it, before it got too far. She pulled away, smiled, and walked out of the room, past Skulduggery in the corridor, who was peering into a pocket size mirror, trying on his hat at different angles. She headed for the living room, where Ghastly and Anton were sitting, casually talking. She joined them, and sat down next to Anton on a sofa, whilst Ghastly sat opposite in another one. It seemed that Erskine and Dexter had gone to get their bedroom ready.

They looked up at her entrance, and beamed. "That dinner truly was delectable," said Anton. "Yeah, where on _Earth_ did you learn how to cook like that?" asked Ghastly, while Saracen and Skulduggery entered the room. Saracen was looking nervous, whilst Skulduggery had his skull held in the position that occurred only after he had just threatened someone.

"They were just a couple of family recipes that I used to cook with mum," she said, rapidly blinking back tears. It had only been a few months ago when Darquesse had killed her family as a last minute act of spite before Valkyrie had reined her back in. When she had re-emerged, Valkyrie had been bathed in the blood of her parents and little Alice, their dead bodies mutilated around the room. Not knowing what to do, she had run. She just ran and ran, until she had done a full loop of the whole of Haggard, and then returned back to the pier outside her house. Skulduggery had been there, as always, to help her. She knew that without him, she would've dived off that pier without a second thought.

All the memories brought back just then caused a stray tear to fall down Valkyrie's cheek. Hoping no one had noticed, she brushed it away, only for more to follow. She couldn't help it any more; she leaned forward, and rested her head in her hands, feeling the salty tears trickle through her fingers. Soft, warm hands pulled her gently into a body, and she realised that it was Anton who was comforting her. She leaned into him, and closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall freely. The others didn't know the true extent of Valkyrie's family's deaths; the details were covered up by Skulduggery, as Darquesse's true identity at that point had not yet been revealed. However, now they could learn the truth.

Over the war in her mind, in which she witnessed the memories she had tried so hard to forget, she heard Skulduggery softly recounting the basics of what had really happened that day, to the others in the room.

"I'm so sorry, Valkyrie," began Anton. "I'm sure they were great people, especially Alice. Skulduggery told me a lot about her, including the time he found her chewing on his hat."

Valkyrie smiled. She knew what Anton was doing; he was trying to make her forget about the bad memories, and replace them with good ones, in an attempt to make her feel better. And, to be honest, it was working. She remembered that day when Skulduggery had visited, and had put his hat on the sofa, and went to talk to Echo Gordon, only to return to find Valkyrie laughing hysterically whilst Alice had his hat in her mouth.

"Remember that time we had to babysit her for you?" asked Ghastly. "You came home and saw her throwing her foam blocks at Skulduggery's skull with one hand, and emptying her milk bottle on my lap with the other," he chuckled.

"I think I still have a couple of dents," added Skulduggery. Valkyrie smiled again, and was determined to put it all behind her. Besides, she had other things to worry about, like the mess that they were in with the Sanctuary, and how they were going to get Fletcher back, and how Saracen was eyeing her up again.

Skulduggery held out his palm to Valkyrie, and sitting on top of it was the cream that she had used earlier for the burns on her arm. "I think now would be a good time to look at those burns on your back," he said to her. "Oh great," she muttered, remembering the pain from last time. The others left the room, giving her privacy, although Saracen had to be _dragged_ out of the room by Anton and Ghastly. Now just her and Skulduggery were left.

She thought about how she was going to do this. She could take off her top, whilst he was turned the other way, then remove her undergarment, cover her front with her clothes, and then lie on the sofa with her bare back facing upwards. She contemplated this, and decided that it was the best way to do it.

"Turn around, please," she said, and Skulduggery turned. He started humming an annoying, high pitched tune, and it took Valkyrie a few seconds to work out that he was humming his own rendition of the theme tune to 'Bob the Builder'. She rolled her eyes. "How the _hell_ do you know who Bob the Builder is?" she asked.

"Oh, y'know, me and Alice were singing and dancing to it once... Fun times," he sighed.

Valkyrie suddenly had a mental image of Skulduggery singing the theme tune to Bob the Builder, whilst doing the most idiotic dance ever. She mentally bleached her brain.

Once she was ready and lying on the sofa, she told him to turn around.

He did so, and took off the lid to the tub of cream. He hesitated. "This is going to hurt, Valkyrie."

"I know," she replied, just wanting him to get it over and done with before she had the chance to think about it and register the fear.

"No, I mean it will _hurt_, as in _really_ hurt. I-I don't want to cause you any pain," he added, quietly.

"I'll be fine," said Valkyrie, forcing a smile. "Now, come on, we haven't got all evening."

Skulduggery sighed, and after a few moments, she felt the cream on his fingers press ever so gently onto her burn. The pain was _excruciating_. Spears of white hot needles burrowed into her back, and she arched her spine and cried out. Immediately, Skulduggery retracted his arm. "I'm sorry," he said hollowly.

Valkyrie shook her head, still getting over the pain. She had tears in her eyes from how much it hurt.

"It doesn't matter, just do it," she insisted after getting her breath back. Skulduggery sighed, but obliged.

She felt the cream on the burn again, but now knew what to expect, so didn't cry out after the initial contact was made. However, as soon as his finger moved along the burn, the pain returned, even worse than before. She gritted her teeth, but couldn't stop the cries of pain that escaped. However, Skulduggery knew that Valkyrie wouldn't forgive him if he stopped, so carried on, trying to ignore how much it was hurting her. When she hurt, he hurt, too.

By now, Valkyrie was near screaming. The others came into the living room, probably wondering what the hell Skulduggery was doing to her. Valkyrie couldn't take it any more- she arched her back and screamed, tears streaming down her face from the sheer _pain_.

"What the hell are you _doing_!?" Dexter exclaimed.

"This cream is meant to help the burns go down, but it causes a lot of pain when being applied," said Skulduggery, no emotion in his voice.

"I think that's enough now," Anton said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over Valkyrie's screams. Skulduggery nodded, and lifted his fingers from her back. Valkyrie sighed in relief, panting slightly.

"That bloody hurt," she muttered, her voice slightly hoarse. She remained lying there, still exhausted. The others came in and sat down as well, Ghastly lifting her legs, sitting down, and replacing them on his lap. The others made use of the sofas, and Skulduggery sat in the armchair once again, after claiming it as his own.

"How on earth did you get those burns?" asked Saracen. It was Ghastly who answered.

"A bomb was thrown at Skulduggery's house, from the Sanctuary, and we all got caught in the blast. Valkyrie was injured the most." He hesitated, then added, "It was my fault. I had the opportunity to shield her, but I didn't."

"Ghastly, if I have to say that it wasn't your fault one more time, I swear I will dress you up as a lettuce and lock you in a room full of snails," Valkyrie growled. The others laughed, then realised that she was serious.

Dexter yawned. "What time is it?" he asked sleepily.

"Nearly ten o'clock," replied Skulduggery, after consulting his pocket watch.

"I'm going to head up to bed, then," Dexter said, clearly exhausted after travelling earlier that day.

"Yeah, me too," said Erskine, also tired, but what he was tired _from_ was another matter entirely, as he didn't actually do a whole lot all day.

"I think we should all get to bed, then. Are the rooms sorted?" asked Ghastly.

"Yup, me and Anton took care of that," replied Dexter.

"You guys just need to take your bags up there and unpack," added Anton, getting up and stretching. He patted Valkyrie's arm, who was still lying on the sofa, still unable to move, although the pain was beginning to lessen. "Goodnight," he said, and left the room.

"See you in the morning," said Dexter, ruffling her hair. She batted his hand away, and smiled. He left the room, too, with Ghastly, who smiled his goodnight to her. Erskine trailed after them, too tired to speak, and managed to bump into the doorframe on his way out. Grumbling, he staggered back securely onto two feet, and managed to stumble into Ghastly's back. "What the hell are you _doing_?" she heard Ghastly say as they left the room, and Erskine just muttered a reply, not even sure what he was doing _himself_.

Now it was just her, Skulduggery and Saracen left in the room. "Are you able to sit up?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie. She tried, but failed. Saracen left the room, and came back a few moments later with a bunch of leaves in his hand. Magical leaves.

"Brought these with me, just in case," he winked. He handed one to her, and she put it in her mouth. The effect was instant, and she sat up, clutching her top in front of her.

"Thank you, Saracen, you seriously are a lifesaver," she said, extremely grateful. Saracen just smiled, albeit seductively.

He held out an arm. "May I escort you to our chamber?" he asked.

"Of course," she said, glancing at his outstretched arm. "Uh, sorry, my hands are full," she said apologetically, as taking his arm would mean she dropped her clothes, meaning that she would reveal a lot more than she wanted to.

"That's the idea," Saracen grinned, and looped an arm around her bare waist, and led her out the door. "'Night, Skully," she called back to Skulduggery, who was getting ready to meditate in his armchair.

"Goodnight," he called back. "Goodnight, sleep tight, dream of a fight with a kite."

"Uhhh... okay... I'll try to," replied Valkyrie. Sometimes, she didn't know _what_ Skulduggery went on about.

Saracen helped her ascend the stairs, picking up their bags on the way. He slung them over his left shoulder, his right hand firmly wrapped around her waist. He began caressing her bare skin, sending shivers across her body. Then, all too soon, they were at the second floor, and Saracen led her down the hallway to a wooden door.

He pushed it open, and allowed her entry first. She stepped inside and looked around, Saracen coming in behind her and putting their bags on the floor. There was a double bed in the centre of the left wall of the room, with a white duvet and pillows sitting on top. There were also a couple of cupboards, a chest of drawers, and a dressing table with a full length mirror beside it. The floor was carpeted with a soft cream carpet.

"Not too shabby, eh?" said Saracen, smiling.

"Better get ready for bed, then," said Valkyrie, hoping Saracen would take the hint and leave the room so she could get dressed in private. However, he didn't, or, more likely, he ignored it. He jumped onto the bed, and lay down on his back, head resting against the headboard. "Go ahead," he smirked.

Valkyrie sighed. "You're not getting me naked, Saracen," she said, and grabbed her nightclothes from her bag, and walked out across the hall to the bathroom. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Great," she muttered.

She stood outside and waited for whoever it was to come out. Eventually, no less than fifteen minutes later, Erskine emerged. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Gotta look my best for bed, Val," he said, as if that made any sense. Who dressed up just to go to bed? Erskine, that's who. "By the way," he added, "might wanna put some clothes on..."

Valkyrie sighed, not bothering to explain that he was the reason that she was stood outside the bathroom clutching her clothes to her chest, as he had taken ages to get out. She simply went in the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She emerged again five minutes later, wearing a short sleeved green nightshirt and yellow shorts. Wondering what torture Saracen had in store for her, she entered the bedroom.


	13. The Morning After

***if anyone has any questions or is confused about something, please feel free to comment on it! :)**

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><p>When she walked in, she saw Saracen standing by the bed, getting dressed. He already had a pair of pyjamas on, and was just pulling the matching top over his head. Although he had gained a few pounds, he still looked physically fit, and remnants of once thriving muscles were evident in his arms and torso.<p>

She walked over to the bed, and got in under the covers, suddenly feeling exhausted. What exactly had she done that day? Oh yeah. _Lots_.

She made herself comfortable, and lay facing the ceiling. Thanks to Saracen's leaves, the pain had almost completely disappeared, so she was able to lie in comfort.

Saracen finished getting dressed, and walked over and turned off the light. Instantly, the room was enveloped in a dull gloom, light enough to make out large shapes, yet so dark that her eyes were still adjusting. She heard Saracen get in beside her. _Here we go_.

She turned over, away from Saracen, and faced the wall. "Pretty quiet, aren't you Val?" Saracen said.

"Shhh, I need my beauty sleep," she grumbled. She was _not_ in the mood for his nonsense.

"I assure you," Saracen began, moving closer, "that you most certainly _don't_. I don't think you can get any more beautiful."

"Thanks, but I. Am. Tired." she insisted, really wanting a good night's sleep. Saracen, of course, just didn't get the hint. He moved up behind Valkyrie, and looped an arm loosely around her, and slowly began caressing her bare leg, his hand slipping up under the material of her shorts occasionally.

"Stop it," said Valkyrie, trying to ignore how hard her heart was beating. Saracen just took this as permission to continue, and his hand slowly came up and traced her curves, then grazed her breasts gently. He stayed like this, seemingly content, but Valkyrie knew he wanted more.

She turned over to face him, his arm staying where it was so that now it was over her shoulder. "Saracen," she began, "I don't fancy you, now please, _please_ stop trying to seduce me, and let me get some _sleep_," she said harshly.

He moved closer. "Not a chance, Val," he whispered in her ear. Valkyrie, too tired to deal with all this crap, just closed her eyes and tried to block it all out.

She felt Saracen's hands wandering again, and then she felt a gentle pull on her shirt buttons. Frowning, she opened her eyes, to find Saracen slowly undoing them, having done two so far.

"_What the hell are you doing?"_ she asked angrily, yet controlling her voice so she didn't wake the others. "Nothing," he said innocently. She slapped his hands away, did the buttons back up, and flipped over so she was lying on her stomach, with her hands folded under her head.

Saracen seemed to understand that he had gone too far, as he muttered an apology, and then turned back to his side of the bed. Smiling, Valkyrie could finally get some sleep, and she drifted off almost immediately.

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><p>She awoke in the same position hours later, when daylight was streaming through the curtains. Saracen was lying on his back next to her, and turned his head towards her when she sat up.<p>

"Morning!" he grinned.

"Morning," she muttered, then collected some clothes from her bag and headed to the toilet to get washed and changed. She came back into the room wearing a light blue loose long sleeved top, with light pink shorts. Saracen wolf whistled as he looked her up and down.

"You stimulate my visual senses to provoke sexual attraction," he said flirtatiously. "In other words," he added, "you're _hot_."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Cut it out, Rue," she warned, then went downstairs.

* * *

><p>By the looks of things, no one else was up, so it was down to <em>her<em> to make some breakfast. She had an idea; there was bread, butter, flour, milk, salt and eggs... Pancakes and fried bread!

She got to work, and was pretty much done forty five minutes later, and had produced a stack of pancakes and a pile of fried bread. She took her share from the selection, and began to eat. Thinking that the pancakes were quite dry, she then had the idea to make some chocolate sauce, simply by melting some chocolate bars that Erskine had brought with him.

She drizzled her sauce over her pancakes, and took a big bite. She sighed in ecstasy. She seriously was a good cook.

She knew that the heavenly aroma would spread through the house, and would arise the others from their beds, so it wasn't a surprise when Dexter and Saracen trudged into the kitchen. Their eyes lit up at the sight of the food. Valkyrie got up to get them some plates, and set them down on the table. She turned and was instantly wrapped in a rib-crushing hug by Dexter. He kissed the top of her head, and smiled into her hair. "You," he said as he released her, "are a _genius_."

She smiled, and Saracen flashed her a cocky grin. "Looks delicious, Val," he said, then they both tucked in, seated in the same places as last time.

Soon after, Erskine came in, following his nose. He inhaled deeply. "Smells divine," was all he said, and then he took a plate and sat down at the table, and instantly dug in.

Anton and Ghastly followed soon after, each giving Valkyrie a quick hug before starting to eat. Last to enter was Skulduggery, and he took his place leaning against the counter again. He looked at the food and sighed.

"Wish you could eat again?" asked Ghastly, grinning.

"What?" said Skulduggery, surprised. "No, of course not. Do you have any idea how much money I save by not needing to eat? No, I was just thinking about the state you lot will be in if you keep eating meals as big as this."

"Oi! You saying we're fat?" asked Dexter.

"Well..." began Skulduggery, "some of you are, or at least _will_ be..."

"That so?" challenged Dexter.

"Anyway," said Anton, wanting to stop the conversation before it got out of hand, "I asked yesterday, but I think we all got a bit... distracted. Any requests from the shop?"

"Oh yeah, so it's sugar, more milk, and tea bags so far," said Ghastly, just making sure that his tea wouldn't be forgotten.

"Uhhhh... Beer?" offered Erskine.

"Erskine, you brought _lots_ of beer," said Valkyrie. "And besides, are you sure getting drunk is a good idea? We're meant to be on high alert."

"Valkyrie, please, I am a sensible drunk. I'm as normal as drunks get," Erskine insisted.

"Remember the last time you were drunk?" asked Saracen. "You cornered and hugged a guy with a beard, yelling 'Dumbledore, you're alive!' at the top of your lungs."

"And your point is?" asked Erskine, sulkily.

"Oh yeah," joined Dexter, "and remember that time when this waiter at a party came to refill everyone's glasses, and you literally ran to him and said he's your soul mate forever. You didn't leave his side for the rest of the night!"

"And don't you always have a random habit of carrying home weird stuff you find on the street?" reminded Anton. "I remember last time it was a dead pigeon..."

"Okay, guys, that's enough!" said Erskine with a forced laugh.

"No, no, no!" said Skulduggery. "You're the one who claimed to be a sensible drunk! We're just proving you wrong, that's all. Remember that time you got on the karaoke? What was it you were singing, again...?"

"Guys, let's cut this out now, please," said Erskine, now uncomfortable.

"Oh yes!" exclaimed Skulduggery. "You were singing Barbie Girl!"

"Remember when it was the day after your birthday party," began Ghastly, "and you walked into the living room after passing out drunk upstairs, and _somehow_ you had one of those really big orange traffic cones on your head, with a flashing light on the top of it. It took ages to prise the thing off, remember?"

By this point, the whole room, bar Erskine, was roaring with laughter, mainly due to the thought of Erskine, for some stupid, _stupid_ reason, having a traffic cone stuck on his head. They eventually all calmed down, and Anton resumed the previous conversation.

"So, no beer, then," he said, composing himself. "Anything else, apart from all the essentials like eggs, butter, all that stuff?"

"Should we just go and pick up whatever we think looks nice?" asked Valkyrie, seeing that they weren't getting anywhere.

"That's just what I was thinking," agreed Anton, and they all resumed eating.

Suddenly, Valkyrie felt something touch her leg. She glanced under the table to see that it was Saracen's hand. Of course.

The fact that the table was so narrow meant that he could reach out and touch her leg, which is exactly what he was doing. She, however, had had _enough_- she kicked his hand, not forcefully, but not very gently, either. He yelped in surprise. All eyes turned to him.

"You okay?" asked Dexter, wondering what had gotten into his friend. Saracen glanced at Valkyrie, and grinned. _For God's sake, everything's a form of flirting to him_, she thought angrily.

"Just fine, thank you," he said, and everyone carried on eating after a moment of staring at Saracen.


	14. An Idiot's Guide to Cooking

**Thank you for your feedback on the last chapter; I'm glad you all liked it!**

**Up next is my _favourite_ chapter so far, and what I think is _definitely _the funniest. :) hope you all enjoy!**

**it's quite long, but I didn't want to split it into two chapters as it would disrupt the flow. **

****_DO NOT TRY ANYTHING FEATURED IN THIS CHAPTER AT HOME. YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN IN A FEW MINUTES, TRUST ME._**

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><p>"Remember, you are to stay on high alert at <em>all<em> times," warned Skulduggery. Valkyrie and Anton were just about to leave for the supermarket, and were now having to endure a lecture from Skulduggery about the dangers of being spotted.

"You are both wanted criminals, so be careful," he added. "If you are spotted, or even _remotely_ recognised, you do _not_ lead them back here, ok? Do not even drive back in this direction. Just cruise around for a bit until you are sure that you've lost them. Remember, leave no traces of yourselves. Do you have everything you need? Anton? Valkyrie? _Valkyrie_?"

By this point, they had both stopped listening to whatever Skulduggery was going on about, and it was only when he clicked his fingers in front of their faces that they glanced up at him.

"What?" they asked.

"I thought you were listening!" Skulduggery scolded.

"It takes patience to listen, and skill to _pretend_ your listening," said Anton. "I am skilled, but not patient."

Skulduggery sighed. "Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah," said Valkyrie, and Anton nodded.

"Do you have a form of payment?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yeah, I've got my credit card," said Valkyrie, getting impatient.

"Are you sure?"

"_Yes_, can we just go already?"

Skulduggery stepped forward and gave Valkyrie a hug. He then stepped back and saluted Anton. "Good luck, men," he said.

"For God's sake, we're only going to the shops," muttered Anton, and Valkyrie bolted out the door, all too eager to get going before Skulduggery found something else to say.

She strolled towards Ghastly's van. They were taking it because the Bentley was too recognisable- no doubt everyone would be on the lookout for it, and the others' flashy sports cars weren't exactly inconspicuous, either. Therefore, they were going in the van.

She got in, and a few seconds later, Anton joined her. They took off, in search of the nearest Tesco.

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><p>"They've gone," Skulduggery called to the others, as he stepped back inside the house.<p>

"Now what?" asked Erskine.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," said Saracen. The others looked bewildered.

"You've just eaten a massive breakfast," said Dexter. "Actually, that gives me an idea. I think _we_ should cook lunch today, after Val did dinner last night and breakfast this morning."

There were enthusiastic nods from the others. "Anton already squeezed some fresh orange juice this morning, so that will be his contribution," said Skulduggery. "As the most intelligent of you lot, I will direct you all."

"But you can't even eat!" exclaimed Erskine.

"Oh, don't take life so seriously. You won't get out alive," said Skulduggery nonchalantly.

"What a way to ruin the mood," said Ghastly, as Saracen muttered, "Sarcastic bastard."

"Right, men," began Skulduggery, seemingly in an army officer mood. "Where do your individual skill sets lie?"

"Huh?" asked Erskine.

"_What are you good at?_" shouted Skulduggery.

"_SKULDUGGERY_!" yelled Ghastly.

"What?" he replied.

"Calm down! We're only cooking!"

"Oh, you may see it as cooking, but this is a mission. This is a test of how capable we are as men. We do not need Valkyrie and other women in our lives. We. Are. Strong! So I ask you, my brothers, to help me fight for our food. We shall fight the enemy until our doom; we shall fight them in this warehouse, we shall fight them in the Sanctuary, we shall fight them back at my house, but we will never surrender! If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. We alone cannot change the world, but we can cast a stone across the waters and create ripples. I have a dream that we will all triumph in the face of evil. _We. Will. Succeed_!"

Skulduggery looked around him, watching the faces of his fellow Dead Men as his marvellous speech sank in. Just how brilliant was he? _Extremely_.

None of the others could pull off an astounding speech like that. But wait- they looked... Good God, they looked _bored_. Something had gone terribly, _terribly _wrong.

Skulduggery opened his mouth to repeat it, for fear that they had not heard what he had just been saying. True, barely any of it was his own, and he had lost track of it himself at times, but what mattered was that it was _good_.

"Ahem," said Skulduggery, ready to repeat the speech. "You may see it as cooking, but-"

"-_yes_, Skulduggery, we did hear you," interrupted Saracen.

"You're taking this all a little too seriously, aren't you, Skul?" asked Dexter.

"Don't call me that," muttered Skulduggery. "Fine," he continued, sulkily, "don't blame me when you all die horrible deaths because you weren't organised."

"Yeah... what happened to all that motivational stuff?" said Saracen.

"You wanna know what my favourite motivational quote is?" asked Erskine.

"Not really, Erskine," said the others, knowing that he was probably going to come out with something that wasn't very motivational at all.

"Well," continued Erskine, ignoring them, "it's that you should always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else."

The others let this sink in. "That's not very motivational at _all_," frowned Saracen.

"I'm feeling pretty demotivated, guys," said Dexter. "Can we just get on with making lunch before we change our minds?"

"Yeah, that's probably best. What should we make?" asked Ghastly.

"I noticed some sausages amongst the crap that Erskine brought," said Saracen.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea," said Ghastly. "There were potatoes as well, so we could make mashed potatoes-"

"-Bangers and mash!" interrupted Erskine gleefully. He saw Ghastly's withering look, and shut up.

"And we can accompany it all with some steamed veg. I think that'll be enough," Ghastly finished.

"Let's get started then!" said Dexter enthusiastically, and headed into the kitchen, closely followed by the others.

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><p>"Do you think they'll prefer apple juice or pineapple juice?" Valkyrie asked Anton. So far, they had nearly finished the shopping, and had picked up a range of supplies, including food, toiletries, leisure items, sports items, cleaning products and other things that looked interesting. All that was left were the drinks. They had managed to find a Tesco in the end, but it had been a one hour drive away, since the warehouse was in such a remote area.<p>

"Pineapple?" suggested Anton, and Valkyrie shrugged and added it to one of the two trolleys they had.

"Sure we'll be able to afford all this?" asked Anton.

"Yeah, I inherited _lots_, trust me," said Valkyrie casually.

"Thank you, on behalf of the others as well, for using your own personal money to fund our troublemaking," smiled Anton, speaking sincerely.

"It's nothing," she said, honestly. "Do you want anything else to drink?" she asked.

"Not really. We've already got milk and now we have juice... Is there anything you wanted?"

"Well, there was _one_ thing," said Valkyrie, and with that she disappeared off to another aisle, and returned a minute later with a large bottle of chocolate milkshake. She had a massive grin on her face.

"Good choice," Anton chuckled, and she placed it into the trolley and they kept going. Anton liked seeing this side of Val- the side where she wasn't trying to cover up her emotions, and she was just acting herself. She didn't need to act tough and strong in front of them, but it just came naturally after so many years of doing it with Skulduggery. It was at times like this that he was seeing the real Valkyrie; a beautiful, clever, talented girl, with the mentality of a three year old. Speaking of three year olds...

"I wonder what the others are doing?" mused Anton out loud.

* * *

><p>"OH MY GOD, WHAT'S THAT NOISE?" yelled Saracen, as the incessant beeping of the smoke alarm started.<p>

Most of the men, and skeleton, were in the kitchen, attempting to make sausages, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. However, that's were it all went wrong...

It had started out fine; they made it into the kitchen in one piece, and even managed to find the correct ingredients, which literally were just the sausages, potatoes and vegetables. As easy as this sounded, it was a hard task for _them. _The next step, however, was working out what to do with it all.

Ghastly said that the sausages needed to be fried, whereas Saracen said that they needed to soak in hot water instead, although Ghastly tried to argue that it was _rice_ that soaked, not sausages. After a tug of war with a chain of sausages, in which Saracen was victorious (only because Ghastly was distracted by Skulduggery's high pitched rendition of 'Bob the Builder', which he claimed he had already 'performed' to Valkyrie, and she had apparently said it was _amazing_, which he didn't believe in the slightest), they had put the sausages into a deep pan of water, above a high flame on the gas cooker.

Next, they contemplated the potatoes. It was clear that they had to be mashed, but _how_? Skulduggery suggested that they just wrapped them in a tissue and walked on them, but Dexter pointed out that they needed to be _cooked_. So, they decided to put the potatoes in the microwave for half an hour, then take them out and walk on them until they were mashed.

Finally, the vegetables were the tricky ones; Erskine remembered that Valkyrie had said she'd steamed hers, so they decided to copy her and just do that. The only problem was; how _do_ you steam vegetables? Together, Erskine and Skulduggery concluded that they needed something that produced steam, to which Dexter helpfully inputted 'An iron makes steam!' Therefore, Erskine went off to iron the vegetables. Yup, really.

At the moment, the sausages were on the gas, the potatoes were in the microwave, and Erskine was off ironing the vegetables. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

All of a sudden, a bang was heard, and smoke started billowing out of the microwave. Saracen screamed in surprise, and Skulduggery leapt up, prepared to fight... the microwave. At the same time, a load of steam started coming out of the pan the sausages were smoking in. Then, Erskine ran in yelling, "_THE VEGETABLES HAVE TURNED BLACK_!" with the iron in one hand and a handful of vegetables in the other. Then, as if he just remembered that he was holding the scorching hot burnt vegetables, he yelped and went to drop them, but _somehow_, it seemed as if the command to open his left hand got a bit confused as it was coming from his non-existent brain, and he opened his _right_ hand instead, dropping the iron on the floor. He watched as the iron smashed and became a mess of nuts and bolts, and then dropped the vegetables on top, clutching his hand.

And then, over all the carnage, the smoke alarm started beeping. The men all stopped and looked at each other, wondering how the _hell_ they'd managed to muck it up this badly.

* * *

><p>"Anton?" said Valkyrie. The two were now on their way back to the warehouse, having completed all the shopping.<p>

"Yes?" he replied, glancing over at her.

"I have a feeling that the guys have done something stupid," she said.

"Me too," he replied, then added, "I think it would be a good idea to stop at McDonalds."

* * *

><p>When they had finally pulled themselves together, Ghastly took charge. First, they needed to turn off the damn smoke alarm. He sent Erskine out to do that, as it was the simplest task. He literally only had to wave a tea towel around it to clear the surrounding air. However, he managed to go wrong with it. Being unable to reach it, as the ceiling was quite high, he decided to find something to stand on. Then he came to a dilemma- should he get a chair from the kitchen, or should he just drag a sofa out of the living room, seeing as it was closer? Being Erskine, he decided to drag the<em> sofa <em>out of the living room and into the hallway. This, _obviously_, was not as easy as it sounded, and it sounded pretty tough. The sofa wouldn't fit through the living room door, so he decided to turn the sofa onto its side, and drag it out that way. He managed to turn the sofa over, but then realised that it was too heavy to push any further; it had taken enough effort already.

When Dexter wandered off to look for Erskine, as he had been gone some time and the smoke alarm was still on and still loud, he found a sofa lodged halfway through the door of the living room, turned the wrong way round, with an idiot sitting on top of it.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the others were trying to see what had become of the potatoes and sausages. They looked into the pan, to find the sausages black and charred.<p>

They then approached the microwave, and Skulduggery flung open the door. Clouds of smoke rushed out, and the men began coughing until it cleared. They saw that all the potatoes in there had... well, they'd exploded.

The tops were missing on all of them, and had been splattered around the microwave.

"Hey, this one's still intact," said Saracen, noticing a potato that was whole, and had not exploded...yet.

Stupidly, he reached out to poke it, Ghastly and Skulduggery yelling,_ "Noooooooooooo."_

But it was too late.

Saracen poked the intact potato, and it exploded in their faces.

* * *

><p>"Guys, we're back!" called Valkyrie. Her and Anton left the shopping in the doorway, and went looking for the others so they could help carry it in. Although they should have, they didn't expect to see the men in the state that they were in.<p>

The smoke alarm was blaring, and smoke was pouring out of the kitchen.

Erskine was sitting stubbornly on top of a sofa, that was wedged in the doorway of the living room, and had even been _flipped the other way round._ Dexter was jumping up to the smoke alarm, waving a tea towel around it, trying to turn the damn machine off.

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Saracen were crowded around the microwave, trying to clean the inside of it. The kitchen was full of smoke; half from the cooker, and half from the microwave. For some _stupid _reason, that Valkyrie and Anton couldn't even _begin _to guess, there was an iron on the floor, smashed to smithereens. Around it were burnt vegetables. Had some idiot been trying to _iron _them?

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Saracen heard the two enter the kitchen, and turned. Valkyrie opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words to say. Anton could only raise an eyebrow. Valkyrie finally found her tongue.

"WHY THE _HELL _DOES IT LOOK LIKE A POTATO EXPLODED IN YOUR FACES?"


	15. Breaking Down

**Hope you all had a great Xmas!**

**If there are any other suggestions or questions that anyone has, please let me know!**

* * *

><p>By the time the others had managed to clean up the mess, it was nearly six o'clock in the evening. Luckily, Anton had had the idea to go to McDonalds, so no one went hungry, even though they had missed lunch. Then, him and Valkyrie decided that they were owed an explanation.<p>

"Well," began Skulduggery, and _yup_, you've guessed it, it was time for another of his notorious speeches. "We thought that, since you very kindly made dinner and breakfast for us, it was now our turn to cook. So, we decided to make lunch. I was put in charge, because I was, and still am, the cleverest of this lot, so I directed them all. I think they picked me for my motivational skills-"

"-yeah," interrupted Dexter, "everyone always has to work twice as hard when you're around," he muttered.

"-so I became the leader," Skulduggery continued, ignoring the comment. "We decided to make sausages, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Alas, that is where it all went wrong. Ghastly decided that the sausages should be soaked in water, so that bit was _his_ fault, and-"

"-OI, NO IT WASN'T!" exclaimed Ghastly. "I very clearly said, _from the start,_ that the sausages should be _fried_, but Saracen said that they should be soaked, so we had a tug of war with the sausages, and I _would_ have won, if it wasn't for Skulduggery singing Bob the flippin' Builder at the top of his lungs, distracting me. So, it was _Skulduggery's_ fault."

"Finished?" asked Skulduggery, annoyed. Ghastly nodded, and Skulduggery resumed his tirade.

"Then, we got started on the mashed potatoes. It was _my_ grand idea to wrap the potatoes in a tissue and walk on them, hence the 'mashed' bit. However, _Dexter_ here said that the potatoes should be cooked first, so _he_ decided to put them in the microwave for half an hour, where they promptly exploded."

"WHAT?!" yelled Dexter. "We decided _together_. Stop lying!"

"I wasn't lying- I was just writing fiction with my mouth!" protested Skulduggery, hurt.

"It takes two to lie," interrupted Saracen, "one to lie, and one to be gullible and listen."

"It's not as if you're any better," accused Ghastly. "You made the potato explode!"

"Guys, guys, calm down," said Erskine, trying to maintain order. Suddenly, everyone turned on him.

"IT'S NOT AS IF YOU WERE ANY HELP, ERSKINE!" yelled Saracen.

"Yeah, you attempted to _iron_ a _vegetable_, you ninny!" said Ghastly. "_And_, you broke the only iron we _had_!"

"_And_," began Dexter, "you got the damn sofa stuck in the living room door."

"BUT ALL I ASKED YOU TO DO WAS TURN THE SMOKE ALARM OFF!" yelled Skulduggery.

"What _exactly_ are you good for, Erskine?" asked Saracen.

"Now, now, Saracen," said Ghastly, "even idiots who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face, when pushed down the stairs."

"I AM _NOT_ AN IDIOT!" yelled Erskine.

"_**SHUT UP!**_" screamed Valkyrie and Anton.

* * *

><p>"It looks," began Anton, when him and Valkyrie had managed to calm everyone down, "like this is all <em>your<em> fault, Skulduggery." He raised a hand to silence Skulduggery when he began protesting.

"Firstly," continued Anton, "you distracted Ghastly from winning the tug of war; if you hadn't have done this, the sausages would be fried and ready to eat."

"Secondly," added Valkyrie, "you suggested that they _walk_ on the potatoes, and you also agreed to the idea of putting them in the microwave. I'm not even gonna comment any further on that."

"Furthermore," resumed Anton, "you sent Erskine off to _iron vegetables_, and turn off the smoke alarm. You should have known that he'd have made a mess of it."

"But no one can predict what an idiot will do!" argued Skulduggery.

"I AM _NOT_ AN IDIOT!" repeated Erskine, but no one paid him any attention.

"But you know they'll do something idiotic!" said Valkyrie, exasperated.

"Finally, Skulduggery," said Anton, "this is all your fault because _you were in charge!_"

And with that, Valkyrie and Anton walked off and went to sit in the living room.

"I'm not a-" began Erskine, but he was cut off by the others shouting,

"YES, YOU ARE!"

* * *

><p>Ghastly's stomach rumbled. It had been growling at him for the past hour, but he had managed to ignore it. Until now.<p>

He was not usually one to complain, but _God_ he was starving.

He walked into the kitchen, where Valkyrie was sitting, finishing off an apple. The others were, conveniently, nowhere to be found. Except Skulduggery; oh, they could never get rid of him.

"Any ideas on dinner?" asked Ghastly, sagging when he saw Valkyrie's face droop. "Sorry, I know you've already worked hard with dinners and breakfasts, but..."

Valkyrie sighed. She _hated_ cooking, and now she was the bloody chef. _Why did I have to offer to make dinner yesterday..._ she mentally scolded herself.

"Uh, I dunno," she answered half-heartedly. "We could make... umm... I dunno, pasta?"

Ghastly smiled. "Great idea, but his royal doofusness didn't think to bring any. So, we could make it from scratch..."

Valkyrie groaned and rested her head in her hands. "Do you have any idea how long that will take?" she snapped.

She was aware of Ghastly coming to sit opposite her at the table. She lifted her head.

"Sorry," she apologised.

"What's up?" he asked, gently.

"I'm just so pissed off," she began, and continued before she realised what she was saying. "The shopping took ages, as soon as I came in through the door I had to start cleaning up the mess you lot made, I'm absolutely exhausted, my burns are still irritating me, Skulduggery's doing my bloomin' head in, Saracen's on my case and won't stop his damn flirting, the memories of my family's death came back to me..." she trailed off, and replaced her head in her hands.

"I'm just finding it hard to cope," she said tearfully, nearly breaking down.

Ghastly was surprised- he was used to seeing a strong, hard-willed, determined Val, but now... all her walls were broken and she looked vulnerable and alone.

Ghastly got up and came behind her, and wrapped his arms around her. It was a little awkward as her head was still in her hands, and the chair was in the way, but it was a hug nonetheless.

"Where's the Val I know gone? The one who never shed a tear, the one who was always either tormenting Skulduggery or laughing at him," Ghastly said, in an attempt to comfort her.

"She died with her family," said Val, and she broke down and began sobbing, her shoulders shaking. Ghastly, changing tactic, sat in the seat beside her, shuffled closer, and gave her a hug that way. She leaned into him, and continued to cry.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, Dexter wandered into the kitchen, looking for food. He took one look at Valkyrie, eyes closed and tear stains on her cheeks, being comforted by Ghastly, who was talking softly to her and stroking her hair, and stopped in shock. <em>Valkyrie<em> never _cried_.

Ghastly glanced up and saw Dexter, and signalled with his eyes that he should leave. Dexter nodded, and grabbed a banana and left the room.

He walked into the living room. Erskine was upstairs having a nap, as he usually did, even though he barely did anything all day. Saracen was also upstairs, probably finishing his unpacking. Anton had been exploring the offices with curiosity, but was now seated in the living room, where he was talking idly to Skulduggery. Dexter sat down heavily on the sofa opposite the two.

"Seen Valkyrie anywhere?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen," said Dexter, feeling upset after what he had seen. It was like her sadness was infectious; she was the life and soul of the group, and she was always tough, putting the job first and feelings behind her, but now... she was hurting.

"Cooking?" asked Skulduggery.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "Do you expect her to be?"

"Yeah, I guess," shrugged the skeleton.

"But it's not her job, and she is capable of more than just cooking," argued Anton, annoyed about how she was being portrayed.

Dexter decided to intervene now before things got a bit out of hand. "She's upset, and she's with Ghastly at the moment."

Skulduggery made to get up, but Anton grabbed his arm, and forced him back down. "Leave it, she'll speak to you when she's feeling up to it. She's probably missing her family."

"But she _never_ gets upset," said Skulduggery. "She's stronger than that."

"You've been forcing her to hide her emotions all this time, that's why she never seems upset. Who knows what goes on in her head? Just give her time, she'll sort things out," said Anton, in that quiet voice of his.

* * *

><p>Ghastly observed that Valkyrie had stopped sobbing, and that her breathing had evened out. She was asleep. <em>Poor girl really <em>was_ exhausted_, he thought to himself.

He gently lifted her up, bridal style, off the chair, and proceeded to carry her to her room. He passed the living room, and saw Skulduggery look up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, standing.

"_Sshhhhh_!" hissed Ghastly. "She's asleep," he whispered, and carried on past the living room, despite Skulduggery's protests.

He walked to the staircase, and climbed up until he had reached the second floor. He walked down the corridor to her and Saracen's room, passing Erskine on the way. He raised an eyebrow, and Ghastly shook his head, meaning 'I'll tell you later.'

He gently pushed open the door, and stepped into the room. Saracen was there, sitting on the bed, folding a couple of shirts. He looked up, and concern crossed his face when he saw Valkyrie. He cleared the bed, and pulled back the duvet as Ghastly gently placed her on the bed.

"What happened?" he whispered to Ghastly.

"She got a bit upset, then I soothed her, and she fell asleep," he whispered back, grateful that at least _someone_ knew how to whisper.

"I'll stay and look over her," offered Saracen, and Ghastly nodded. He knew that Saracen wouldn't try anything when she woke up; he did care about Valkyrie, after all, and wasn't that much of a sleaze.

"Thanks," Ghastly said, and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.


	16. Goodness Gracious

**Okay guys, bit of news for you:**

**I am going away tomorrow (Monday) to visit family, on a journey that takes 4 hours and involves 3 trains and 1 car. What fun. Anyway, I won't be back until the new year, so until then I will not be able to update this story or my Drabble series. I honestly am so so so so sorry, but please bear with me! As soon as I get back, I will update for you all!**

**Also, since I won't be back in time to say this, I'll just say it now:**

****HAVE AN AWESOME NEW YEAR BEST READERS IN THE WORLD! HOPE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!****

***All I have left to say is that you guys (readers, reviewers, followers, favouriters, etc.) have all made my 2014 amazing, even though I've only been writing this for just over a month. Thank you, and best wishes for the new year!***

* * *

><p>Valkyrie awoke the next morning, feeling refreshed, and much better than the previous day. She decided to put it all behind her, and got up to get dressed. After all, she had another family now; her magical one. The weight of her family's deaths were still heavy in her mind, and there was no doubt that she would keep hurting in the future, but for now, she just needed to keep her head clear. Being distracted these days was going to get her killed.<p>

Looking around the room, she could see that Saracen had already gotten up, and was probably downstairs somewhere.

Her phone began beeping, signalling a new text message. She flopped onto the bed, and saw that she had received a text from Gracious O'Callahan, that said 'Hi, whatcha doin?'. With nothing better to do, she replied.

**Valkyrie**: nothing much, u?

**Gracious**: bored

**Valkyrie**: we're on the run

**Gracious**: i heard. Gd luk

**Valkyrie**: thanx

**Gracious**: wat did 1 ocean say to the other ocean?

**Valkyrie**: excuse me?

**Gracious**: wat did 1 ocean say to the other ocean?

**Valkyrie**: uh, wat?

**Gracious**: nothing, he just waved :)

**Valkyrie**: wtf?

**Gracious**: do u sea wat i did there?

**Valkyrie**: ...

**Gracious**: sea-riously, do u?

**Valkyrie**: no

**Gracious**: u shore?

**Valkyrie**: pretty sure :|

**Gracious**: don't be a beach

**Valkyrie**: ...

**Gracious**: water u saying?

**Valkyrie**: bye

**Gracious**: shell i stop then?

**Valkyrie**: please

**Gracious**: ok I guess I'll go krill myself now

**Valkyrie**: BYE.

**Gracious**: i just tide

**Gracious**: i fish u would come bak

**Gracious**: I won't sand any more msgs

**Gracious**: whale, I guess ur not coming bak

**Gracious**: water u up to?

**Gracious**: tiding up the place?

**Gracious**: what did one river say 2 the other?

**Gracious**: dam u

**Gracious**: I'll make u walk the plankton

**Gracious**: r u tide of these jokes? I understand after a whale they get annoying, but I don't think it's on porpoise

**Gracious**: sorry, I'll stop

**Valkyrie**: PROMISE?

**Gracious**: yeah. What did one volcano say to the other?

**Valkyrie**: I SWEAR O'CALLAHAN I WILL KICK UR SORRY ARSE INTO NEXT WEEK

**Gracious**: i lava u

**Valkyrie**: -_-

**Gracious**: ok I'm finished now

**Valkyrie**: good. so, what r u and Donegan doing?

**Gracious**: uhhh nothin really, just the usual. Got another book coming out next month

**Valkyrie**: cool. What's happening in the outside world?

**Gracious**: well evry1's against u lot, u literally hav no allies, and the few u do have r 2 scared cuz they r gonna be executed, so yh

**Valkyrie**: OMG is it that bad?

**Gracious**: yh, me n Donegan r stickin 2 the shadows 4 now

**Valkyrie**: damn...

**Gracious**: ikr

**Valkyrie**: I'm Hungary

**Valkyrie**: damn autocorrect *hungry

**Gracious**: try czeching the fridge

**Valkyrie**: I'm not going russian 2 the kitchen

**Gracious**: might find sum turkey

**Valkyrie**: nah, too greecey

**Gracious**: lol norway u can eat that

**Valkyrie**: tell me about it. freezer is 2 chile, might hav soda instead

**Gracious**: I'd luv a canada soda

**Valkyrie**: denmark ur name on da can

**Gracious**: lolz

**Valkyrie**: ikr rotflmfao

**Gracious**: lol yh our crazy outbursts ;)

**Valkyrie**: i seriously am hungry, tho. Didn't have any dinner last night. think the last thing i ate was something from McDonkadonks. Or an apple.

**Valkyrie**: SHIT LOL, I MEAN MCDONALDS.

**Gracious**: HAHAHA LOL MCDONKADONKS, LOL GOTTA TELL DONEGAN

**Valkyrie**: don't u dare... wasn't my fault, it was autocorrect

**Gracious**: god val ur so funny ;) McDonkadonks... sounds good tho, but I've had better. know what i last had 4 dinner?

**Valkyrie**: no, what?

**Gracious**: chicken vaginas

**Valkyrie**: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Gracious**: OH CRAP CHICKEN FAJITAS NOT... THAT

**Valkyrie**: oh. U had me worried there, man...

**Gracious**: ahem. awkward

**Valkyrie**: autocorrect sucks, rite?

**Gracious**: yup ;)

**Valkyrie**: I'm sooooooo booooooooooored

**Gracious**: me 2. my hand aches. I'm done with donkey cock

**Valkyrie**: WTF?

**Gracious**: been on it 4 ageeees

**Valkyrie**: uhhh

**Gracious**: too long :/

**Valkyrie**: Read the last few msgs back 2 urself, Gracious

**Gracious**: DAMN I MEAN DONKEY COCK

**Gracious**: DONKEY COCK

**Gracious**: COCK

**Gracious**: I MEAN COCK NOT COCK

**Gracious**: COCK

**Gracious**: COOK

**Gracious**: KONG

**Gracious**: DONKEY FLIPPING KONG

**Valkyrie**: ohhhhhhhhhh haha LOL u little pervert ;)

**Gracious**: please don't repeat this to anyone...

**Valkyrie**: not a chance :D

**Gracious**: soooooooo...

**Valkyrie**: we always hav the stupidest convos, rite?

**Gracious**: hell yh :)

**Valkyrie**: anyway, I'd better go. the fridge is calling me.

**Gracious**: lol bye

**Valkyrie**: cya. Stay safe :)

**Gracious**: u2. how much of this shit did u print screen?

**Valkyrie**: oh, only all of it

**Gracious**: that's what I thought...

**Valkyrie**: lol bye

**Gracious**: Callahan out.

**Valkyrie**: Cain out.

**Gracious**: stole my lime...

**Gracious**: *line

**Valkyrie**: bye :)

**Gracious**: (-.(-.(-.(-.-).-).-).-)

**Valkyrie**: uhh

**Gracious**: Chinese mafia's watching u

**Valkyrie**: lol

By now, Valkyrie had a huge grin plastered to her face. Gracious always put her in a good mood. She put her phone in the pocket of her jeans, and headed downstairs.

When she entered the kitchen, the men were seated at the dinner table, Skulduggery standing once again. Only Anton was missing. They looked up at her entrance and beamed.

"Ahhhh... Our saviour!" smiled Erskine. "Do you know how to make breakfast?" He received sharp glares from everyone else, as they knew that Valkyrie was sick of cooking.

However, she was in too good a mood now to care, and just shrugged it off.

"That's a bit of a vague question, Erskine. Anyway, me and Anton bought three different types of cereal yesterday," said Valkyrie. Surely he knew how to make _cereal_.

"Did you!?" asked Erskine, surprised. He got up and checked the cupboard nearest to him, and pulled out a box of Cornflakes, a box of Rice Krispies, and a box of Coco Pops.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," he said, drawing out the word. The others looked furious.

"Erskine, we told _you_ to check that cupboard..." said Ghastly.

"No, you told me to check the washing machine!" insisted Erskine.

"Why on earth would we tell you to do that?" asked Saracen.

Valkyrie went to make herself some cereal, and then sat down at the table, next to Ghastly today.

"Feeling better?" Ghastly asked her softly. Valkyrie nodded and grinned, remembering the text message conversation she had just had with Gracious. She pulled out her phone.

"Look," she said, and brought up the message. Ghastly spent a minute reading it, then burst out laughing.

"You have _got_ to see this, Dexter," he said, then passed it across the table to Dexter. He roared with laughter.

"Worst case of autocorrect _ever_, Val," he said, passing the phone to Erskine and Saracen, who crowded around it like naughty school boys.

They snickered and giggled, and passed it to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery tilted his head after a few moments of reading, and let out a few chuckles. However, by the end, he too was roaring with laughter.

Anton walked into the kitchen, and saw the sight of one grinning cat and five hooting hyenas, and a kookaburra roaring in the corner. Valkyrie passed him the phone, and he began chuckling, too.

The kitchen was alive with laughter.


	17. Plums

**I'm back guys! Here's the next chapter!**

**Also, first replies of 2015 :)**

**Lightening Sparks: Thank you so much for the feedback, and yeah the journey wasn't as bad as I thought it would be ;) I'm also looking forward to your story 'Secrets of the Dead Men' and seeing where it goes! **

**Berlin: I know, it was so sad and everything, and it would've been good to hear Skulduggery speak just one more time... Oh and yeah I've seen that fanfic, and I agree, it is just... utterly hilarious! Thanks for recommendation!**

* * *

><p>Lunch time came around, but instead of Valkyrie having to cook, Anton had the idea of cooking the fish fingers and fries that they had bought the previous day, in the oven with a couple of chopped vegetables on the side.<p>

They were currently all seated around the dinner table, and had nothing to do whilst waiting for it to cook. Then, all of a sudden, Erskine gasped and jumped up out of his seat, and ran quickly up the stairs to his room.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "Is he normally like this?"

Skulduggery just tilted his skull, lost for words for once. Valkyrie opened her mouth to offer some sort of explanation, but none came out. Dexter and Saracen just stared at his empty seat, still not believing his stupidity. It was Ghastly who spoke.

"Well, sometimes he's _worse_, so we'd better count ourselves lucky," he said, but could offer nothing further. Erskine was just, well... _Erskine_.

Then, Erskine burst back into the room, carrying a white carrier bag which had a few objects in it, but the opaque nature of the bag made it hard to see just _what_ Erskine had brought them.

"Care to explain?" prompted Skulduggery.

"Plums!" he exclaimed.

"_Excuse_ me?" said Dexter.

"I just remembered that I brought some plums with me!" he said excitedly. "I got them on the way here, but I forgot about them. But I remembered again!"

With that, he plonked the bag on the table, and took his seat again at the head of the table. Valkyrie was pleasantly surprised. So far, the only fruit they had been able to get their hands on had been bananas, and some apples that Erskine had also brought, and they were getting a little bland. A plum would be a nice change.

"Thanks, Erskine," she said gratefully, taking one. Dexter took one as well, followed by Ghastly, but the rest decided to hang on until the fish fingers were ready, except Skulduggery, of course, who smugly stated, "I have no need for food," as if hunger was a weakness in human beings. Basically, he was saying that he was superior to them all.

Valkyrie took a bite of the plum. It was quite sweet, but in a tasty sort of way. "So, what's on the agenda?" she asked.

"I guess our next moves will be based around getting into the Sanctuary," said Skulduggery.

"Why?" asked Saracen. "I don't see what the point is."

"Well," said Skulduggery, and you know what that means, folks- time for a speech! Luckily, though, Dexter, who had picked up on all the signs, saw it coming, so quickly intervened.

"Basically it will help us gain a lot of things," he began, whilst Skulduggery promptly closed his 'mouth', muttering to himself. "Firstly, we need to get Fletcher. This is because he's gonna be useful if we have to move location _fast_, and also, obviously, he'll be an advantage in any future missions. Plus, he is an ally and a close friend, so it's our duty to get him back."

Skulduggery opened his mouth to speak again, but it was Anton this time who stole the spotlight. "Secondly, breaking into the Sanctuary will be a good opportunity to sneak around, steal some papers, etcetera. We can therefore get a good idea of what their situation is, and also maybe learn about what their next moves are against us, giving us the advantage."

Skulduggery, sensing his moment, cleared his non-existent throat, preparing to give an extensive lecture, but that was when Ghastly jumped in. "Finally, it will be a chance to strike directly against the Sanctuary, and show them who has the upper hand in this battle. If we can get in, cause some havoc, steal some stuff, then we could potentially do them a lot of damage."

Skulduggery started sulking. Those had been the three points that_ he_ had been planning on making.

"Anything you'd like to add?" Dexter asked him.

"No, no, of course not. You just keep talking, there's a good boy," he said back, grumpily.

"Ooooh someone's in a bad mood today!" teased Valkyrie, grinning.

"Shut up," Skulduggery muttered, much to everyone's amusement.

"Anyway," said Anton, steering them back on track, as usual, "when do you guys think we should commence this attack?"

"As soon as possible," said Skulduggery.

"Yeah, but how soon _is_ that?" asked Valkyrie, looking for a straight answer.

"I think," Skulduggery began, "that we should aim to do it in three days. Five days maximum."

"Sounds good," said Ghastly.

"The sooner the better," agreed Saracen.

Valkyrie nodded her agreement, then looked down at her plum to take another bite. She screamed.

"What?" asked Skulduggery, confused. Although he hadn't eaten a plum for a few centuries, he was pretty sure that they were harmless.

"LOOK!" she screeched, and turned her plum around to reveal a plump little worm nestled inside it. It began to wriggle.

"IT'S ALIVE!" she continued to scream.

"Calm down, Valkyrie," said Skulduggery. Valkyrie whipped her head round to face him.

"Calm down?" she said angrily. "_Calm down?_ I could have _eaten_ this worm with just one more bite, Pleasant. It is sheer _luck_ that I looked down in time. ERSKINE YOU ARE DEAD!" she yelled, whirling to Erskine, who sat there sheepishly.

"How was I supposed to know?" he asked, sulkily.

"_WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THESE PLUMS, ERSKINE? NOBODY SELLS THEM WITH WORMS IN THEM!"_ she shouted.

"Valkyrie calm yourself down! It could be worse-" began Dexter, but he was cut off.

"_WORSE_? WHAT'S WORSE THAN EATING A PLUM AND FINDING A WORM?"

"Eating a plum and finding _half_ a worm," he replied, going a faint shade of green. He turned his plum around to reveal half a worm poking out of it, the end that was facing them jagged, indicating that it had been bitten into.

Dexter ran to the bathroom, leaving his half-eaten plum (and half-eaten worm) on the table, whilst Ghastly promptly spat the contents of his mouth out into the sink, and then threw away his plum, along with the rest of the bag. Valkyrie just rested her head on the table, feeling repulsed. That could easily have been her.

"Erskine," Saracen began, "just where did you get those plums?"

"I got them from this tree I saw next to this petrol station on the way here," said Erskine. "Then I forgot about them," he added helpfully.

"A tree? You went around picking plums off random _trees?_ Unhygienic_ trees_?" asked Ghastly, angrily.

"Yeah, same place I got the apples!" he said proudly.

Ghastly, Saracen and Valkyrie looked at each other. They'd all been eating those apples, and if they, too, came from random trees, like the plums, they could easily have been eating...

The three bolted to the bathroom.


	18. Medusa's Seducer

**Next chapter is up! By the way, it contains swearing; but all for a good cause. Okay that sounded better in my head ;)**

**Thanks again to anyone who's reviewing, or even still reading! I understand that I'm dragging it out a bit, and the promised Sanctuary raid doesn't seem to be materialising, but trust me! I just wanted to show everyone's character really clearly, and set the scene a bit. I promise that there will be some action within the next few chapters. By the way, if anyone has any objections to reading about torture, please let me know! I don't plan on doing a lot of it, but I feel that it is necessary for the plot to go the way I want it to. But if anyone's uncomfortable with that sort of stuff, let me know and I'll gloss over it.**

**On with the story!**

**(i really need a new catchphrase...)**

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><p>It was nearly nine o'clock in the evening, and Valkyrie walked into the empty living room with a book that she had brought with her, and sat down onto a sofa. She rested her feet on the coffee table and began to read. It was 'Alice in Wonderland', one of her favourite stories. She likened herself to the character of Alice, who had accidentally stumbled upon this world of mystery and oddities, out of sheer curiosity after seeing something she shouldn't have. However, unlike Valkyrie, she <em>left<em> this world of crazy characters, and returned to normal life, whereas Valkyrie stayed firmly inside it.

She was aware of Saracen coming into the room and sitting beside her, but she remained engrossed in the book. She did _not_ want some stupid little flirting man ruining her relaxation time, especially after the drama earlier of Erskine's stupid plums.

Saracen shuffled over until their shoulders were touching, and he put an arm around her. "What are you reading?"

"A book."

"Is it good?"

"Yes."

"Oh, come on, Val, I'm trying to make conversation here. Breaking the ice, you know?"

She sighed and put down her book, deciding to play along with his pathetic attempts. She literally had nothing better to do.

"Do you like reading, Saracen?" she asked him.

"Sorta," he answered.

"Yeah, same. Some books are alright, but some are just... so pointlessly complex. I used to find it too long and hard, you know."

"That's what she said," said Saracen, smirking. Valkyrie rolled her eyes. It had all been going so _normally_, and he just _had_ to turn it dirty.

"Come on, Val, just give me a chance. I'm not that bad in bed," he grinned. She turned her head to him.

"Saracen, I'm sure you're skilled in your own way, but I honestly have no interest in sleeping with you."

"Oh, really?"

"Saracen," Valkyrie said, now getting angry, "please _get lost_. Just leave me alone, stop trying to flirt with me, stop trying to charm me, stop _touching_ me, and just GO!"

"Not a _chance_," Saracen smirked. "I think, Val, that you're suffering from a lack of vitamin '_me_'," he added. Then, much to Valkyrie's surprise, he leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. She was stunned for a moment, but soon gathered her bearings again.

She pushed him away and stood up angrily, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "_What the fuck are you doing?" _she yelled_. "Who the FUCK do you think you are_?"

Saracen, for his part, didn't even seem fazed, and just stood up in front of her, smirking his face off. Valkyrie was tempted to wipe the grin off of his face with a well-aimed punch, but her better nature took over. That was until Saracen tried again.

He moved in for another kiss, and met Valkyrie's lips for a split second before she pushed him back roughly. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE, SARACEN. DO NOT TRY ANYTHING ON ME AGAIN," she shouted, Saracen still looking pleased with himself. He had seduced girls who were much louder and more determined than Valkyrie; there was no way that he was giving up with her.

When it became clear that he was not moving, she picked up her book and went to walk past him out of the room, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, making her drop the book, and tried to kiss her again.

But then Skulduggery was there, tackling Saracen and throwing him into the wall. Saracen cursed and tried to punch him, but Skulduggery was too fast and tripped him, and Saracen sprawled onto the floor. Dexter burst into the room, took one look at the scene, and then hauled Saracen up. He pushed him up against the wall, holding him slightly raised by the scruff of his neck, and said something in a low, menacing voice to him.

He stepped back and Saracen dropped to his feet, stumbling slightly. He made his way to the door, and went to walk out of it.

However, as soon as he reached Valkyrie, he quickly turned towards her and planted another kiss on her lips, this one lasting a couple of seconds. He had said it before- he'd faced more resistance in the past, so certainly wasn't going to give up with her.

Suddenly, he sprang away from her, clutching his side, and Valkyrie saw Anton gearing up for another punch. He punched Saracen again, in the jaw, and Saracen stumbled to the wall.

Erskine entered the room and used the air to fling Saracen to the opposite wall, and stalked up to him. "Get. Out," he said, threateningly.

Saracen just grinned, and went once more towards the door. However, before he could try anything again, Ghastly was there. He grabbed Saracen's wrist, twisting it painfully, and dragged him out of the room with him. They heard the two going up the stairs.

Anton nodded to Valkyrie, and left the room, closely followed by Erskine. Dexter went too, patting Valkyrie's arm on his way out. He closed the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Skulduggery asked softly. Valkyrie just looked at him. She wasn't okay. She really wasn't. She felt uncomfortable and used, and wary, now. She looked away.

Skulduggery stepped forward and wrapped her in a warm hug. She rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes while he soothingly stroked her back. He always did give the best hugs.

She pulled away after a while, and smiled at him. "Thank you," she said. "You're always there in the nick of time."

"Well, I _am_ rather amazing," he replied smugly.

"You and your ego," she sighed.

"Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger. And better."

He walked to where Valkyrie's book had fallen on the floor, and picked it up. He looked at the cover. "Good choice," he murmured.

"I know," she agreed.

"You're definitely a lot like Alice. Strong willed, determined, nosy, annoying..."

"Continue at your own risk," she threatened.

"The others are a lot like some of the characters, too. Dexter and Saracen are 100% Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Erskine is..."

"The Dormouse!" said Valkyrie eagerly.

Skulduggery chuckled. "Yes, that's fairly accurate. Anton is... mmhhh the only one I can think of is the Red Queen; straight and to the point."

"Yeah, and Ghastly's definitely the Cheshire Cat!"

"That just leaves me..." said Skulduggery.

"Well, there's only one person _you_ could be, Skulduggery," grinned Valkyrie.

"Who?" he asked, confused. Surely none of those strange characters could be compared to someone as marvellous as _him_?

"The Mad Hatter," Valkyrie giggled. Skulduggery recoiled in horror, and Valkyrie started laughing helplessly at the thought of Skulduggery dressed as the Mad Hatter.

When she had composed herself, Skulduggery spoke again, seemingly wanting to change the subject.

"You know what Erskine said to me the other day, that partly destroyed the magic and thrill of reading?"

"No, what?" she asked.

"He said 'books are just dead trees with tattoos'."

"Oh my God... That's so depressing."

"Exactly."

He hesitated, then spoke again. "I guess you're sleeping elsewhere tonight?"

"Yeah," Valkyrie replied, though exactly _where_ she was sleeping was a different matter.

"You could sleep down here in this room with me," offered Skulduggery. "I'll try and make it comfortable."

Valkyrie smiled at his kindness. "Yeah, sounds great. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he shrugged, and they walked out of the living room together.


	19. Demons of the Night

**Heeeeeelllllloooooooooooooo readers! Thank you all for the abundance of views and reviews and favourites and follows and PMs and love!**

**On with the story!**

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><p>Darquesse laughed and rose a few metres into the air. She looked over the Dead Men gathered in front of her.<p>

There was Saracen, such a sweet man, with a face that no lady could resist. He had tears in his eyes, and willed silently for Valkyrie to return. Darquesse flicked her wrist, and his body twisted painfully, until a sickening series of crunches were heard, and his motionless, mangled corpse collapsed to the ground.

Next to him stood Dexter, in a fighter's stance. Such a brave man, with a war-machine of a body, and a cheeky nature that landed him whatever girl he wanted. He looked at Darquesse, pleading with his eyes for her to let Valkyrie come back. She clicked her fingers and his heart burst.

Next to Dexter was Erskine. He looked at Darquesse in shock. She wore Valkyrie's face, she used Valkyrie's voice, but Valkyrie would never act like this. Darquesse smiled softly, remembering the times when he would do something stupid, or act in a way that no one could explain. He always brought a smile to her, no, Valkyrie's face. She moved her fingers slightly, and Erskine was enveloped in black flame.

Standing tall and ready was Anton. His long black hair was tied off his face, and he had a hard look in his eyes. "Give her back," he said menacingly. Darquesse merely laughed, and a second later, Anton's beheaded body was on the ground.

Next along the line, and next to fall, was Ghastly. He looked tired, and withered. He'd just witnessed his dearest friends be killed by someone who he had known for years, who he had even seen as a daughter. He looked Darquesse in the eye, and that gaze didn't falter as all his bones were fractured into a hundred thousand pieces.

Finally. The skeleton. Skulduggery stepped forward, until he was a few feet directly in front of Darquesse. He drew his gun and fired six shots into her head. She didn't move. She didn't falter. She didn't even blink. He threw his empty gun to the side, and suddenly there were fireballs in his hands. "Just give up- you know it's pointless," she said. "I made a promise," was all he answered with, and threw the fireballs. She waved her hand and they burnt out long before reaching her. "Until the end?" she remembered. "Until the end," he confirmed, and ran forward, throwing everything he had against her. It wasn't enough. His bones fell apart, and no Necromancer trick could save him now.

Darquesse decided on one more act of cruelty. She went away, back into Valkyrie's mind, and Valkyrie emerged. She looked around her at her friends. She was alone.

Then, she heard a voice. It called her name. Was this death? "Valkyrie... Valkyrie... _Valkyrie_!"

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><p>She awoke and sat up in a cold sweat, and felt the tears running down her face. Someone had their arms around her. Skulduggery.<p>

He clung to her, rocking her gently back and forth. "Valkyrie, I'm here. It was a dream. A nightmare," he soothed.

She buried her head in his shoulder blade, and tried to get her breathing under control. She couldn't get rid of the images in her mind, though, of what she had done. She tried to clear her head, and concentrate only on the velvet voice that was holding her. The velvety voice of the skeleton that was holding her. Wait, skeleton? What the hell was she doing with a skeleton? Oh yeah, it was Skulduggery. She mentally slapped herself. _Nightmares make me stupid_, she thought dumbly.

She pulled away from Skulduggery slightly, and shifted her head's position on his shoulder. "You were muttering and sobbing in your sleep," he said. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"I guess," she said, and she recounted the dream to him. By the end, she had fresh tears in her eyes, and Skulduggery was holding her again.

"Remember, Darquesse will be stopped. It was just a nightmare, it will not come true."

"But it seemed so _real_," she said doubtfully.

"Valkyrie, I'm here for you," said Skulduggery softly. "Together, we'll make sure that it doesn't happen. You will not kill anyone as Darquesse; she will not come out again. Trust me, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie looked at him. "I trust you, Skulduggery," she whispered.

"Valkyrie, I will do everything in my power to stop you from becoming Darquesse again. She will only come out when you allow her to, and that will be when you're in danger. I promise I will protect you and keep you out of harm's way," said Skulduggery seriously.

"Thank you," was all she could manage, before tiredness overcame her and she drifted off in Skulduggery's arms, this time into a peaceful sleep. Just before her mind dimmed, she heard Skulduggery say those valuable, immortal words. "Until the end."

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><p>She awoke as sunlight streamed in through the window, luring her from her slumber. She sat up and stretched, and went to the bathroom, her nightmare already receding back into her mind. The warehouse seemed quite empty; Skulduggery had already gotten up, and it seemed as if the others were still asleep.<p>

She gathered her clothes, which Skulduggery had brought down for her, and got changed, then went into the kitchen. She stopped and stared.

Skulduggery was standing there in a bright pink apron, with the words 'Free Buns! Bring your own hot dog' stitched onto it. He had replaced his usual hat with a light pink frilly chef's hat, that stood so high it occasionally brushed against the ceiling of the kitchen as Skulduggery moved around. He looked up, and tilted his head in a smile.

"Morning!"

Valkyrie couldn't help it- she burst out laughing. The sight of Skulduggery in a pink hat and apron, which had a sexual innuendo, which wasn't even for his gender, stitched delicately across it, and the fact that he was completely unaware of what it _meant_, just about made her lose her sanity.

She was laughing so hard that it was silent now, and she clutched the counter in an effort to stay upright. Skulduggery stood there baffled. _What was so funny?_ he wondered.

Valkyrie took a deep breath and composed herself. She looked up at Skulduggery again, head now tilted the other way in confusion, and started laughing all over again. She clutched her sides, and shook with laughter. Skulduggery shook his head and turned to the cooker, where he was fiddling with some pans.

She was aware of someone coming in behind her, but was laughing too hard to notice or care. Dexter Vex came into her field of vision. He took one look at Valkyrie, who was still laughing silently, and gasping for air, and then at Skulduggery.

Because he was facing the other way, all Dexter could see was the white string of the apron, and the light pink chefs hat. This was strange enough, but then Skulduggery turned around.

Dexter's eyes widened at the sight of Skulduggery and his interesting apron, and pretty soon he was on the floor laughing with Valkyrie.

Anton came in and promptly walked out again.

Erskine entered a few seconds after, and took one look at Skulduggery and started laughing as madly as the others, if not more.

"Do you... have any... idea what that _means_?" he asked laughing, holding his stomach, and pointing to Skulduggery's apron.

Skulduggery looked down and read the writing out loud.

"Free buns, bring your own hot dog," he muttered to himself. "Oh, I got it! _You_ don't have hot dogs, so you can't put them in my buns!" he exclaimed, completely oblivious that this was _not_ the reason why they were all laughing.

This outburst only made them laugh harder, and soon they even had tears of laughter in their eyes.

Ghastly was next to enter the kitchen, and he took one look at Valkyrie, Dexter and Erskine literally rolling on the floor, silently laughing. He then looked at Skulduggery, who was standing there baffled, then looked at Skulduggery's apron. He rushed up to him, whacking him on the skull. "What the hell do you think you're wearing?" he asked.

"It's an apron," Skulduggery said patiently. "You wear it so you don't get food on your clothes," he explained.

"I know what an apron is, you fool! I mean, what the _hell_ is that crap stitched onto it?!"

"Oh, _that_," said Skulduggery, looking for an excuse. He had figured out, from everyone's reactions, that it was not a good thing, but he didn't know why.

He decided to just come out with the truth. What harm could it do?

"I don't know what it means," he said sulkily.

Dexter composed himself, wiped tears from his eyes. "He thought it meant a literal free hot dog, and he had the buns to put it in. _He doesn't know!"_

And with that, he began laughing again. Ghastly rolled his eyes and left the room, shooting Skulduggery a parting glare.

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><p>Once everyone had calmed down, Valkyrie deemed it safe for the others to come back in, and Ghastly and Anton re-entered the kitchen warily. Ghastly took his seat at the head of the table once again, and Valkyrie sat on the next seat on his left. Next to her was an empty seat, and another at the other end of the table. Diagonally opposite Valkyrie sat Erskine, and next to him sat Dexter. Dexter was saying something to Valkyrie, and she laughed. Skulduggery was standing by the cooker, his posture slightly deflated, and the message on his apron was now conveniently covered with what looked like egg yolk.<p>

Anton came and sat next to Valkyrie. She smiled at him, and informed him that Skulduggery now knew what the apron was implying, hence his new demeanour.

"Sometimes, that skeleton is so..." Anton trailed off, unable to find a suitable word.

"Annoying?" offered Valkyrie. "Irritating? Childish? Immature? Stupid? Ignorant? Crazy? Infuriating? Maddening? Exasperating? Troublesome? Tiring? Idiotic? Aggrav-"

"-Okay, I've got the message!" chuckled Anton. "You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?"

"Yup, just been saving up the insults," she winked. She looked around, and realised that Saracen was still missing. "Any sign of Saracen?" she asked.

Erskine shifted nervously. "I honestly don't expect him to show his face until later on. What he did was..."

"I know," said Valkyrie. She, however, hoped that he wasn't going to be punished too badly for his actions, it was all in his nature. It was his instinct. But then again, she had said stop, and he hadn't listened. She sighed. Her problem was that she was too caring. China had said it before; her heart was too big.

"He won't be trying anything again, trust me," said Anton. She forced a smile, and sat back as the others continued their conversations. Only Ghastly noticed her silence.

"You alright?" he asked softly. "I heard about last night. We all get nightmares," he reassured her.

"Yeah, I'm good," she replied.

"Darquesse again?"

"Of course," Valkyrie sighed. She hesitated, then spoke again, this time in an even lower voice so she was almost whispering. "I think her influence is increasing. She's not getting louder or anything, in fact I can barely hear her voice these days, but I think she sent me that dream. It was different to all the other nightmares I had about her, that's what made me suspicious."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "Have you told Skulduggery?"

"No, but I think he might know anyway that she's extending her hold over me."

"Do you want me to tell him?"

Valkyrie thought about this, then decided. "No, I'll say something only if it gets worse. For now, if her presence has been reduced to a couple of nightmares, that's fine by me. Better than before, at any rate. We used to have arguments, Ghastly- _arguments_! I used to argue with my own subconscious, that's how sad I am," she smiled. Ghastly chuckled, and was about to say something, but was interrupted.

"It's ready!" said Skulduggery loudly, causing all conversations to quieten down. He presented them with five plates of omelette, and set them down in front of them. He then stepped back and admired his work.

"Wow," said Valkyrie, lost for words. "I didn't know you could cook!"

"Neither did I! It took me four attempts until I realised that I was reading the recipe upside down, and then it took me two more to perfect it. Uh, we may need some more eggs..." Skulduggery said sheepishly.

The five of them took a large bite, and spent a moment chewing. It was _divine_.

"This is amazing, Skulduggery. Thank you," said Valkyrie.

"Yeah, it really is good," said Dexter, with his mouth full.

"Yeah, thanks Skul," said Erskine, to which Skulduggery angrily muttered, "That's not my name..."

"Well done, Skulduggery," praised Anton.

"Good job," agreed Ghastly.

Skulduggery sat down in the seat at the other end of the table, and tilted his skull in a way that suggested that he was extremely pleased with himself.

"Eat up, Valkyrie, and then we can catch up on your training," he said, as Valkyrie choked on her omelette in surprise. Anton patted her back until she stopped spluttering.

"You didn't say anything about training!" she complained. She had been ready to relax all day, and prepare herself for the raid in two days time.

"Surprise! We're training today!" Skulduggery said, humour in his voice.

Valkyrie sighed, and finished her omelette in annoyed silence.


	20. Rough Training

**Hello! Here's the next chapter, in which they get some training done. I tried on the fight scene- I've never written one before and I really did try! Please let me know where to improve on it, as there will be a lot of fighting coming up...**

**Oh yeah, and I've introduced something new to my stories from now on. Details are right at the bottom of this chapter. This will also be on my Drabble series.**

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><p>Valkyrie hurried up the stairs, and down the corridor to her and Saracen's, well, just Saracen's, room. Skulduggery was waiting for her downstairs in the large events hall, ready to start training. Dexter and Anton were there as well, wanting to watch her in action, and hopefully watch her beat Skulduggery, too.<p>

She had made the excuse that she needed the bathroom, and had rushed upstairs. However, really she just wanted to see Saracen, and make sure he wasn't beating himself up too badly over what had happened, as there was still no sign of him.

She knocked on the door to his room, and waited. She was wearing a white tank top and blue jeans, as well as her reinforced black jacket. She heard him walk towards the door, and after a few seconds it opened.

Saracen was standing there, slightly hunched over, with a black eye and a bruised cheek. His left wrist was bandaged. Nevertheless, he greeted Valkyrie with a warm smile.

"Listen," he said, "I'm sorry about what happened and why it had to happen like that. I should've stopped, but I didn't. I deserve any punches you're about to throw my way."

Valkyrie smiled. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate Saracen. She surprised herself, and him, by giving him a quick hug, which he gently returned. She pulled away.

"It's all behind us now," she said. She looked at his injuries. "They must sting."

"Yeah, a little, but those leaves helped. Just need to wait for the swelling to go down now," he said, shrugging it off.

"You gonna stay up here all day?" she asked. "You missed the sight of Skulduggery in a dirty apron, dirty in more than one way," she grinned.

Saracen laughed. "Don't worry, I got an eyeful of that apron. I went down early to get my food- as you can see, I had a large breakfast in bed," he said, gesturing to the bed behind him, where a tray and left over food lay.

Valkyrie heard Skulduggery calling her name from elsewhere in the warehouse. Saracen raised an eyebrow. "Busy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm meant to be training with Skulduggery," she said, sighing, turning to go. She changed her mind, and turned back to Saracen. "No hard feelings," she said, smiling.

Saracen smiled gratefully, glad that they could go back to normal. "Thanks, Val. I'll try not to be too handsome and irresistible in future," he teased. Valkyrie laughed and ran down the stairs.

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><p>She entered the training room, as they were now calling the hall. It was massive, and had been cleared of any furniture, except a few chairs, two of which Anton and Dexter were seated on. The hall had also been cleaned; the floors were now spotless and all traces of dust had gone.<p>

"It looks tidy," she remarked.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Easy for an Elemental," he said, and Valkyrie guessed that he had used water manipulation to wash everything, and then air to dry it off. Quite useful.

She took off her jacket, and looked around for somewhere to put it. She didn't fancy leaving it on the floor, and the only furniture was the chairs, but it seemed that Skulduggery had forgotten to clean all of them, as the ones that weren't being sat on had a thick layer of dust on them.

"I'll look after your jacket for you," offered Anton, and Valkyrie walked over and handed it to him. "Thank you," she said gratefully, and he smiled. He folded it neatly, and placed it on his lap. Dexter looked at it. "Nice jacket," he said.

"Dex, you've seen it before," said Valkyrie, walking back to the middle of the hall.

"It's shiny," he said.

"Okay..."

"Nice material, too," he added. He reached for it, and began stroking it. Anton looked at him.

"Uh, Valkyrie?"

"Yeah?" she said, turning back to Anton.

"He's uhh..."

Valkyrie saw Dexter fondly stroking the material, and walked over again. Dexter looked up guiltily.

"It's soft," was all he said, and he began stroking again.

"You're gonna wear it down," she complained, and forcefully moved his hand away. As soon as she let go of it, it flashed back to the material.

"Dexter!"

Anton moved the jacket away from Dexter, and held it securely in the hand that was furthest away from him.

Dexter tried to get it, and Anton moved it again. This continued for a minute, before Valkyrie got seriously annoyed.

"Alright, Dexter, you can have it!" she said, giving up.

Anton looked at her. "Sure? You know you probably won't get this back for the rest of the day."

She sighed. "That's a sacrifice I must make. If I am to freeze, then so be it."

Anton sighed, too, and handed Dexter the jacket. He brought it up to his face, and inhaled deeply. "Smells of you, Val," he said happily. "You smell nice."

"_Dexter!_" she exclaimed. Why the hell was he sniffing her jacket? "Just sit there quietly and stroke it," she commanded.

She walked back to where Skulduggery was patiently waiting. "You wouldn't believe he's one of the most powerful men in the world, would you?" he said.

"Absolutely not," she agreed.

"Ready?" asked Skulduggery, also taking off his suit jacket. He looked around for somewhere to put it, his skeletal gaze settling on Anton and Dexter. He walked over to them.

"Oh God, here we go again," she sighed. She watched Skulduggery fold it up and pass it to Anton, who looked annoyed at becoming everyone's coat stand. Then, Dexter picked it up, and began sniffing it. He seemed to like what he smelled, for he stubbornly kept a hold of it, whilst stroking the material. Skulduggery tried to snatch it back, but Dexter held on tightly. They began a tug of war with the jacket, in which Skulduggery was once again threatening to start singing Bob the Builder if he didn't let go, whilst Dexter was shaking his head, determined.

"Valkyrie!" cried Skulduggery, after it became clear that Anton would not help. Valkyrie sighed and walked over. She was doing a lot of sighing today, she realised.

She looked at the situation. She could either distract Dexter, help Skulduggery, or watch on in amusement like Anton was.

Wanting to get the training over as soon as possible, she opted to distract Dexter. She took her jacket from Anton's lap, where Dexter had carelessly thrown it aside, and waved it in his face.

"Dexter, didn't you like _this_ jacket?" she taunted. Dexter's grip loosened for a second, and he looked confused. Skulduggery took this opportunity to wrestle his jacket free from his hands, and held it in the air triumphantly.

"No fair," Dexter muttered, and he looked around for something else to do. "Can you hurry up and start training, then? I need entertainment."

"I'll put these in the living room," said Valkyrie, taking Skulduggery's suit jacket from him, and carrying it, along with her own, to the living room.

"Don't let it drag on the floor!" instructed Skulduggery.

She entered the living room and quickly dumped them on the nearest sofa. Erskine and Ghastly were there, chatting. "Who's winning?" asked Erskine.

Valkyrie sighed (again). "To cut a long story short, Dexter was smelling and stroking my jacket, then Skulduggery's, they had a tug of war, now I'm putting them here."

"Mind if we come along and watch later?" asked Ghastly.

"Not at all," said Valkyrie. "I should probably get back," she realised, and ran back to the hall.

* * *

><p>"Air manipulation is important for keeping your enemies at bay," explained Skulduggery. They had <em>finally<em> started training.

"It's an ideal defence manoeuvre. You already know the basics, now let's take that to the next level. Who would like to help me demonstrate?" he asked, turning to Dexter and Anton. Anton pinched Dexter, and he yelped.

"Ah, Dexter, excellent," said Skulduggery, as Dexter reluctantly stood up, muttering to Anton, who was blissfully ignoring him.

"Stand here," commanded Skulduggery, pointing to a spot in front of him. Valkyrie stood aside as Dexter took up his position.

"Now, Valkyrie, watch. This is what I want you to be able to do," he said. He moved his hands quickly out in front of him, fingers curling slightly, and Dexter shot back to the other end of the hall, where he was pinned to the wall, unable to move.

"Wow," said Valkyrie. She had, even from where she was standing, felt the power behind the air, and the ability that move had to crush anyone's bones. Dexter would be dead if Skulduggery had not gone gentle, as well as cushioned the air behind him so he had a soft landing.

"Thank you, Dexter, that will be all," said Skulduggery, releasing Dexter. He scowled at them, and took his seat again next to Anton, who was smiling at Dexter's discomfort.

"That move," continued Skulduggery, "can also be used as an attack, although I prefer to use it as a defence and then finish the opponent off by getting up close and personal with them. Now you try."

He dragged a chair from next to Anton to a few feet in front of Valkyrie. "Why couldn't you just use a chair in the first place?" complained Dexter.

"It was more funny that way," said Skulduggery, shrugging. Dexter glowered.

Valkyrie concentrated, and extended her arm like Skulduggery did, feeling the air currents shift around her. With a burst of energy, she splayed her fingers, and the chair shot back and slammed against the wall, and promptly fell apart.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Excellent," said Skulduggery. "You picked that up quickly, Valkyrie, well done. That was perfect," he said, obviously pleased.

Anton and Dexter were sitting back in their seats, watching in awe. "Well done," said Anton, after a moment. Dexter, of course, had his own unique way of saying things. "Val that was... That was burger flipping epic!"

Valkyrie thought about what this analogy meant, but then decided to just give up and accept it as a compliment.

"The next thing to learn," said Skulduggery, "is how to control the power." He used the air to fling two more chairs in front of Valkyrie. She looked at them.

"I want you to completely destroy this chair," he said, pointing to the one on the left. "Whilst this one needs to reach the wall and remained pinned against it, completely unharmed," he continued, pointing to the one on the right.

"Alright," she nodded. She concentrated on the one on the left, doing the same as before, but pouring more of her energy into it. She lashed her hand out, and the chair shot back and exploded with a loud bang into a pile of rubble, as it smashed violently against the wall. She turned to the other one, and worked on doing the opposite. This one was harder, because she wasn't used to being gentle. She focused, and ensured that a minor amount of pressure was applied, and unfurled her fingers. The chair shot back, but with less speed and ferocity, and it hit the wall with less force than its predecessor. Valkyrie kept her hand out, pinning it, as Skulduggery went closer to inspect.

"Very good," he murmured. He felt the air around the chair, and how securely it was being pinned. "Nice, strong hold; this isn't coming loose, that's for sure." He checked the chair for damage, moving his hand along the surface. "Not a scratch," he muttered.

He stepped back, and turned to Valkyrie. He tilted his skull in a skeletal smile.

"Fantastic work, Valkyrie. That was perfectly done," he praised. She grinned.

"What now?" she asked.

"I guess now we could get onto some physical combat," he replied.

"Great," sighed Valkyrie. She really couldn't be bothered. She was in a lazy mood today.

Skulduggery sank into a fighter's stance, and Valkyrie did the same. He moved one way, and she moved the other, and they began to circle each other. Valkyrie waited for him to attack first, as Skulduggery had always taught her. She knew that he was as impatient as a child on Christmas Eve, so she was confident that the attack would come soon.

And, sure enough, less than half a minute later, Skulduggery stopped circling her and lunged for her. She sidestepped and he shot past her, yet quickly regained control and came to a stop. He turned back to her, but she surprised him by shooting into him. They tumbled to the ground, Valkyrie on top. Dexter cheered in the background, and Anton tried to shush him so he didn't distract them. She allowed herself a small smile.

Skulduggery used this distraction to try and throw her off, but she was too strong, and had her legs firmly hooked onto either side of him. She held his arms in a painful lock. However, he wasn't finished yet.

He rolled sharply, and tossed Valkyrie off of him. She came to a painful stop after bouncing off the wall. She sat up and tried to shake her head clear of the concussion that was threatening to take over. She was vaguely aware of Skulduggery coming for her again, and she, at the last moment, shot her leg up, catching him in the ribs. He was deflected.

She was mildly aware of Ghastly and Erskine coming into the room, looking at the dust covered chairs, and the destroyed chairs. She glanced at them, and saw Ghastly give a questioning glance to Dexter and whatever he was absentmindedly doing to Valkyrie's jacket, which he personally retrieved. Anton shrugged, confused himself as to what Dexter was doing.

She tried to stand up, and just about managed to. She staggered back against the wall she had rebounded off, and looked up just in time to see Skulduggery advancing once more towards her. However, instead of dodging, this time Valkyrie went forward to meet him.

They jabbed and punched each other with as much ferocity as they each could muster. Skulduggery got her into a tight headlock, but she got her right leg in front of his and tripped him up, his hold loosening. She flipped over him, grabbing the back of his shoulders at the last second, smashing his back into the floor. Dexter and Erskine cheered in the background, as did Saracen, who had entered unnoticed a few moments before.

Suddenly, Skulduggery leapt up, grabbing her neck, slamming her face first into the floor beside him. She groaned and rolled over onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling, willing her eyes to focus as she was seeing stars. _Why the hell didn't I wear my protective clothing?_ she asked herself. She swallowed, and tasted blood. Putting a hand to her nose, fearing it was broken and bleeding, she realised that this was not where the blood was coming from. Her nose was unharmed. Relieved, she felt around her jaw, making the most of the time that Skulduggery was taking to recover. She felt a sore spot on the side of her jaw, and withdrew her hand to find blood coming from her mouth. _Great_, she thought. _A half broken jaw and a bloody mouth._

She rolled over into a sitting up position, and coughed violently. She coughed out blood. Cursing Skulduggery's name, she stood up on shaky legs. She watched Skulduggery do the same, except he stood more confidently and assured than her.

The others were watching on now in alarm, especially now that blood had been drawn. "Skulduggery," called Ghastly, "I think that's enough for today."

However, he was ignored, as Skulduggery knew that their training had gone further than this, and had ended in many more broken bones and injures. Skulduggery over-dramatically snarled and once again leapt towards Valkyrie, who once again dodged, scrambling away from the wall. They traded punches and jabs once again, but Skulduggery was stronger, and Valkyrie was having to retreat back towards where the others were sitting. Skulduggery continued the assault, and she was pushed even more back. She stumbled over something, and turned to find that she had almost fallen on Anton. "Sorry," she said, to which Anton smiled, and nudged her out of the way for Skulduggery's sneaky blow he was going to deliver while she was distracted.

"Thanks," she said, turning back to Skulduggery.

"No problem," replied Anton, and he sat back and continued to watch.

Valkyrie was feeling weak, but determined. She _had_ beaten Skulduggery a couple of times before, so she could do it again. She coughed once more, again spitting out blood.

"You alright, Val?" called Erskine. Valkyrie jumped back as Skulduggery attacked again, just about missing his swipe. They circled eachother again.

She was feeling light-headed and sick, and all the blood in her mouth was starting to worry her. Her jaw throbbed with pain. She put a hand to it, and felt around, fearing that it had become even more dislodged and broken. It hurt even more than last time.

"Shit," she said.

"Think it's broken?" called Dexter, watching her touch her jaw with pain.

"Yeah," she called back, wincing at how it hurt.

"Skulduggery, you can stop now," warned Ghastly. Skulduggery tilted his head at him.

"She's fine, we can carry on- right Valkyrie?" he asked, turning back to her.

She shrugged, not bothered to think about anything. "I dunno," she decided. Skulduggery shrugged, too.

They charged at each other again, Valkyrie being thrown back, yet doing a flip in mid-air and landing safely on her feet. Dexter cheered again. Skulduggery came towards her and got her arms in a secure lock behind her, but she fell back and slammed him against the floor. She got up a second before him.

Unexpectedly, and quick as a flash, he turned and lashed out a violent kick to her right shin. A crack was heard. Valkyrie cried out and dropped to the ground as her right leg failed her.

Immediately, the others rushed over, concerned. Ghastly, on the other hand, went straight to Skulduggery, and began shouting at him.

Valkyrie, however, couldn't hear what he was saying, her hearing failing and his voice muted. She could only feel the pain in her leg, which she was sure was fractured, maybe even broken. Her jaw was still sending daggers of pain shooting across her face, and she tasted more blood in her mouth. A massive headache was flaring up, luring her into unconsciousness.

She was aware of Dexter gently lifting her up, and she was being carried somewhere, but she couldn't make out where. Her vision was blurring, and darkness was seeping in from the sides of her vision. She closed her eyes, and her body went limp as she lost consciousness in Dexter's arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review your feedback on this chapter, and whether the fight scene was actually any good :) Thanks!<strong>

**I came across a Skulduggery Pleasant 30 Days Challenge (by 'lordvileindisguise'), and it basically has a different question every day about your opinion on Skulduggery Pleasant. I really liked it, and so I thought that I would incorporate it into my stories, and that I'd ask one question per update, but then I realised that that would drag on for a while, so I'll ask two questions per update, and my answers will be written under it in italics. I'm really interested to find out what you guys all think, so please review with your answers! I'm also posting this on my other drabble story, and there will also be two questions per update.**

**Q1: Who's your favourite character?**

_**Ummm either Anton or Ghastly. Lol funny how both of them were killed by the same person, at the same time. Umm agh I can't choose! Anton! No, Ghastly! No, Anton! Okay, Anton.**_

**Q2: Who's your least favourite character?**

_**Either the reflection or China, off the top of my head. Ummm the reflection.**_

**Please review with your responses! As well as your opinions on the chapter. Thank you!**


	21. Anticipation

**Hello, sorry for not updating either of my stories- I had an accident and fell which resulted in various cuts all over the left side of my body, and a large scar on my face, a bit like Dusk -_- I'm not sure how often updates will come, as, as you can imagine, I'm not in the best mood for writing at the moment, and I'm also fairly busy with schoolwork, and my birthday is coming up on the 19th. I think if I receive sufficient reviews and interest, then I'll make the effort to update really soon, otherwise it may be up to a week before the next update. :)**

**Also, thanks for everyone who replied to those two questions I asked, the next two are at the bottom of the chapter.**

**The results to 1 and 2 were as follows (and this is from both this story and my other story):**

**1. Favourite character: **

**1st place- Ghastly Bespoke**

**2nd place- (joint) Valkyrie Cain / Darquesse**

**2. Least Favourite character:**

**1st place: the Reflection**

**2nd place: (joint) practically everyone else mentioned; Black Annis, Eliza Scorn, Dusk, Samuel, Erskine, Beryl.**

**Now, without further ado; chapter 21**

* * *

><p>When Valkyrie awoke, she found that she was lying in a bed from one of the rooms upstairs. It was a single bed, not the double one she was sleeping in before. She looked around, and noticed one of Ghastly's shirts on the end of the bed. <em>So that's who's bed it is<em>, she thought.

She got up, wincing slightly. She noticed that her right leg was sore, and her jaw hurt when she moved it, but apart from that, she appeared fine. She pulled up her trouser leg, and saw that her shin had been bandaged.

She exited the room and entered the bathroom down the corridor. Once she had spent ten minutes under the cold shower, being careful not to get her right leg wet (air manipulation came in pretty handy sometimes), she put her clothes back on and went back into Ghastly and Anton's room.

She sat on the bed, and closed her eyes and put her head in her hands, massaging her temples. _Stupid Skulduggery, not knowing when to stop. Now I have a stupid headache from that stupid skeleton and his stupid fists and his stupid kicks and his stupid stupidity..._

She continued to curse Skulduggery quietly to herself, not hearing Anton come in. He sat down next to her on the bed.

She raised her head, and he smiled at her. "Skulduggery's just received an hour and a half long lecture from Ghastly," he said. "He took it too far this time."

"No," said Valkyrie, defending Skulduggery. "He's taken it further than that before. This was pretty mild," she admitted.

Anton looked her in the eye. "Even so, it's not acceptable," he said defiantly. "Valkyrie, he broke your jaw, fractured your ankle, and made you lose consciousness. These aren't minor injuries."

She looked away. "I've had worse, Anton, especially during training."

"But this is it- you shouldn't be having worse, you shouldn't be getting injuries like this at _all_."

"Anton, trust me- I can handle it."

"I know that, Valkyrie, but you still shouldn't have to go through it, regardless of whether you can take it or not."

"Thank you for your concern; I really appreciate someone caring for me, it makes a nice change for once, but I can handle it," she insisted.

"What do you mean 'for once'?" he inquired.

"Nothing," she said, startled. She hadn't even realised half the things she was saying.

"No, you meant something, your eyes misted up for a second," he pressed.

Valkyrie shook her head. Anton turned her head gently towards his, looking her once more in the eye. She tried to find the right words to say.

"It's just that, well, you know how my parents... yeah, I just miss their love and their care for me. Every time I came back from a case with Skulduggery, usually covered in injuries and stuff, I'd have a shower or bath, with the special rocks, and all traces of any injury would go away. Then I'd go down to see my parents, for breakfast or dinner or whatever, and even though I looked normal, no blood or bruises or anything, they would know that something was wrong. They'd see it in my eyes, or something, and they would _know_. Now don't get me wrong- Skulduggery cares and he knows when something's up, but..."

"It's not the same?" Anton finished gently. Valkyrie nodded, and rested her head on Anton's shoulder. He always understood; he was her closest friend, after Skulduggery.

He patted her back. "Come on," he said. "Dinner's almost done."

He took her hand and led her out of the room, going slowly as he could see that she was limping slightly.

"The pain should have lessened by tomorrow," he said, noticing her discomfort.

"Hopefully; we've got the Sanctuary raid coming up- no way I'm missing that," she said, grinning. They reached the stairs, and Valkyrie stopped and just stared at them. "How the hell am I meant to get down two flights of stairs?" she asked.

Anton gently picked her up bridal style, and began descending the stairs, slowly and carefully so he didn't cause her any pain. She rested her head on his shoulder again. "I could get used to this," she smiled.

"I think _Skulduggery_ should be your personal escort," said Anton. "This is, after all, _his_ fault."

"Nice to know you care," said Valkyrie, sarcastically.

"Valkyrie, I'd gladly carry you up and down the stairs all day, you know I would, but I believe in justice- so, Skulduggery should put in a little effort here and there. Even if that means _he_ gets to carry the beautiful lady."

Valkyrie smiled. "So, what's for dinner? Oh God, please tell me_ you _cooked."

Anton smiled. "I think we all learned our lesson from before. I made some roast chicken legs and chips, with gravy. Is that okay?"

"Definitely- it sounds delicious. It'll be nice having someone else cook for me."

"You've done enough work for now, and besides- you have an excuse. You're temporarily disabled. Crippled. Restricted. Handica-"

"Okay, Anton, you can stop now," she said, laughing. "I got the message; don't train with Skulduggery anymore, unless he promises to behave."

"Good," Anton smiled. "Just try not to get injured until we actually get to the Sanctuary; we'll need you for the mission to become a success."

Valkyrie frowned. "Anton, I have no intention of missing out on the mission, but if I did, you guys would do fine on your own. You're all _built_ for war!"

"That may be so, but you're gifted in your own way as well, Valkyrie. I saw you in action during the Sanctuary war; you're capable of quick thinking and effective escaping, as well as formulating plans and spotting errors and potholes. You may not realise it, but you're an essential part of the Dead Men."

Valkyrie lifted her head and looked at him. "Really?"

"Really," he confirmed.

They reached the kitchen, and he set her down in the chair at the head of the table, after she eagerly pointed it out to him. He sat next along the line on her left, and next to him was Dexter, already seated. Opposite Anton was Ghastly, but the rest of the chairs were empty. Soon, however, Skulduggery, Saracen and Erskine sauntered in, and Anton got up to serve the food.

He put the plates in front of everyone, and sat back down in his seat. "There are leftovers if anyone wants any," he said, and then they all began to eat.

"Anton this is amazing!" said Valkyrie as she dug into the tender chicken leg. Anton smiled his thanks as the others also complimented him.

"Valkyrie," began Ghastly, "Skulduggery has something that he would like to say to you."

Valkyrie smiled, and was reminded of the day of the explosion, 5 days ago, when Skulduggery was forced by Ghastly to apologise for waking up and embarrassing her. Skulduggery cleared his non-existent throat.

"Sorry for beating you up," he said bluntly.

Ghastly sighed. "That's the best we'll get out of you, isn't it?"

All was quiet for a few minutes, and then Erskine spoke. "I want a beer."

"No," said Ghastly, firmly. "We are all to stay sober at least until _after _the attack on the Sanctuary. That means no beer today _or_ tomorrow, Erskine."

"But I'm a good drunk!" he protested.

Anton looked up. "You really want us to prove you wrong again? Remember the time I found you in the Midnight Hotel's supply closet, long after the others had left and the hotel had moved on, and you were yelling "_Narnia's been sealed off!_" at the top of your lungs?"

The whole table began laughing. Erskine just sat there, embarrassed. "Guys, we've been through my drunken tales before," he tried, but they once again ignored him.

"Remember when he ran into the supermarket with a butcher's knife and started cutting up all the pineapples, shouting "_Spongebob I know you're in there!"_" laughed Saracen.

"But you're no better, Saracen," said Erskine, grinning suddenly. "You once spent three hours when you were drunk trying to drown my goldfish!"

By now, Valkyrie was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, but it didn't stop there. It seemed that Saracen, too, was an interesting drunk, to say the least.

"Oh yeah," said Dexter, laughing, "remember when you asked Ghastly's mother if she was a virgin?"

"He did _what_?" asked Ghastly, nearly choking on his food.

"Uh, nothing!" said Saracen.

Skulduggery joined in, "You were so drunk once, Saracen, that you started talking to a raw potato, congratulating it on getting a part in Toy Story."

"And you threw rocks at my cat once, saying, "Go Pikachu, GO!"" laughed Dexter.

And the night continued with Erskine and Saracen's past drunken experiences coming back to bite them in the behind. However, Valkyrie knew that this sudden cheeriness was just to cover up the enormity of their mission, that they were going to undertake in under 48 hours. They knew that not everyone would come out of it unscathed.

* * *

><p><strong>So, the next questions:<strong>

**Q3: Who is a character that you hate/dislike, that everyone else loves?**

_**ummm I'm not sure... I think Tanith; sometimes she can just get really annoying, and the stuff she did while possessed was infuriating, even though it wasn't her fault. So yeah, Tanith, because she can get on my nerves, possessed or unpossessed.**_

**Q4: Who is a character that you love, that everyone else hates?**

_**Solomon Wreath. He is witty, charming, intelligent, strong, handsome, powerful, etc. Solomon Wreath without a doubt.**_

**Let me know your opinions!**


	22. Preparation

**Happy birthday to me**

**I wanna be Valkyrie**

**So I can join the Dead Men**

**And annoy Skulduggery**

**/**

**Happy birthday to me**

**Bring back Ghastly!**

**Just in case you'd forgotten,**

**His favourite colour was green**

**/**

**Happy birthday to me**

**I'm too young to marry**

**But if I wasn't**

**Dexter Vex is for me!**

**/**

**Okay I've gotten them out of my system.**

**Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! Thank you! :)**

**next two questions are at the end!**

* * *

><p>Valkyrie walked into the living room with Erskine, where everyone was brainstorming and planning the raid. The atmosphere was tenser than the previous evening, and there were no smiles this time.<p>

She sat next to Dexter on a sofa, on which Ghastly was also seated. Anton and Saracen were sharing the sofa opposite, shifting over slightly to allow Erskine to sit there as well. Skulduggery, of course, had taken his seat in his armchair. And it really was _his_- he claimed ownership of it with such passion that no one dared take it off him.

Like Anton had promised her, the pain in her leg and jaw had lessened greatly, and was now almost unnoticeable. Valkyrie sat back and listened to the conversation.

"I think we should start right at the beginning," Ghastly was saying. "Firstly, how are we going to _get_ to the Sanctuary?"

"We have three options," said Skulduggery. "One- we walk there. Two- we drive there. Three- Valkyrie shadow-walks us there in stages."

At this, Valkyrie sat forward. "_What_?"

"All three of those options have major problems," Erskine pointed out. "We certainly can't walk all the way there; it took us hours to drive the distance, it'll take even longer to walk. And we'll be tired out."

"So that leaves two options," said Saracen. They all turned to Valkyrie.

"No," she said. "No way." Shadow walking was a skill she had recently just managed to perfect, and an incredibly useful one at that. She remembered the last time she had shadow-walked someone else with her; it had just been a one-off, just her having some fun, but it had drained her completely. She could barely stand- all her energy had gone into that shadow walk. She knew she _could_ do it, but it would leave her half-dead.

"Are you sure?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yes, I'm positive. I will not shadow-walk you there, not unless you want to be dragging a corpse around with you for the rest of the mission."

"_Well_..." said Skulduggery, but shut up after he received sharp glares from everyone. "Alright, it was only a joke," he grumbled.

"So that leaves the option of driving..." said Dexter.

"Yes," said Skulduggery, getting back on track. "However, there are complications with this as well. Firstly, we need to choose which vehicle to take. Obviously, we can't all fit into one of the cars, so if that's our choice, we'll have to take at least two of them, which will be another thing to sort out. If we opt to take the van, we'll need to install a few measures to ensure that we have a comfortable journey, as it is over three hours long."

"I think we should take two cars," said Erskine.

"I agree," said Skulduggery, whilst Ghastly nodded.

"That will make it harder for them to get us, as they'll have two moving targets to keep track of," said Ghastly. "And it will guarantee our chances of escape, in case one vehicle fails or is attacked."

The others thought about this. It seemed like a pretty good idea. However, much to their surprise, Valkyrie objected.

"I think we should take the van," she said. All eyes snapped to her.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Why?" he asked, curiously.

"Well, I disagree with what you said, Ghastly, about targets," she began. "Won't they have a higher chance of getting us if there's two separate targets for them to aim for? Also, if they can get one car, they will easily be able to get two cars anyway, so we might as well go in one. And, if they _do_ attack one car, and leave the people in that car injured, won't the mission automatically be a failure? We'll need all of us to make it work."

She let this sink in, and then spoke again. "Also, I personally would prefer it if we stuck together- it'll be safer. And if we take the van, we can get right into the Sanctuary; it will blend in well and no one will suspect anything. Skulduggery, you could wear your facade when we go past the guard, and he'll think we're just delivering supplies. So, we should take the van."

Valkyrie sat back. She didn't like giving speeches or planning operations. Also, she had a feeling that no one agreed with her idea.

"I agree with Val," said Saracen, much to her surprise. "The van is the best approach."

"I think so, too," said Anton. Valkyrie smiled gratefully at the two of them. However, Dexter remained silent, still pondering the options.

"Who's going to sort out the van, then? Because it will need a lot of new fixtures," said Ghastly.

Valkyrie sighed. This was the main reason why she hated coming up with ideas; because there were responsibilities that would accompany them. "It was my idea, so I guess I'll have to," she said reluctantly.

"I'll help," said Anton.

"Yeah, me too," said Saracen, smiling softly.

"Thanks guys," Valkyrie said to them, smiling thankfully.

Dexter looked at Skulduggery. "I also agree with Valkyrie. She makes good points, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Erskine looked at each other, as if having some silent, telepathic debate. Eventually, Skulduggery nodded. "You're right. Valkyrie, well done- we're taking the van."

Valkyrie smiled. She loved proving Skulduggery wrong.

"So with the van," began Ghastly, "there are three seats up front, so four of you will have to sit in the space at the back. I'm driving. Skulduggery, I have a feeling you'll only annoy the others if you're sat at the back with them, so you're up front with me. Anton, I figure that if you were left in the back with that lot, you'd quickly go mad, so you're sitting at the front, too, if that's okay."

Anton nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"So that leaves Valkyrie, Dexter, Erskine and Saracen at the back." Ghastly sighed and leaned back. "That's a disaster waiting to happen, isn't it?"

The four of them just grinned at each other. Ghastly had no _idea _how much of a mistake it was putting the most immature people together in a confined space.

Ghastly quickly moved the conversation along. "So we get there in the van," he began. "Then we'll take the turn for Roarhaven, and then we pass the guy who sends people back. Then what?"

"He won't let us pass if he recognises any of us," said Anton. "Therefore, when we approach, Skulduggery and Ghastly can switch places, so Skulduggery's at the wheel. Then, myself and Ghastly can crouch down and a sheet can be thrown over us in order to be hidden from view. You guys at the back will need to stay silent. Skulduggery, you'll have your facade up, and be wearing clothes different from your usual attire so as not to arouse suspicion. You'll pretend to be a delivery man, and he should let you pass."

"That's that bit sorted," said Dexter. "So, once we're in the Sanctuary, we'll split up and head to our separate goals. A team will be getting Fletcher, and another will be causing whatever havoc they can, in the shape of stealing papers and documents and stuff. Who's going where?"

"Erskine, I think you and I should get the papers," suggested Ghastly. "We know where everything is, so we'll be quicker in getting them and getting out."

"Agreed," said Skulduggery. "The other five of us should head straight for the Gaol, which is no doubt where Fletcher is being kept. On the way, we'll get the keys for the cell from wherever they're being kept, and we'll break him out as quietly as possible. Then, we will teleport, or run, to the van's location, or thereabouts, and wait in the van."

"Yeah, when you're done, get to the van, and we'll leave as soon as everyone's there," said Saracen.

Skulduggery turned to him. "Saracen, you're key in this mission. You're going to be our only way of knowing if anyone's coming. Please try not to get killed."

Saracen nodded solemnly. "I'll do my best."

"Glad to see you care so much about the rest of us," muttered Dexter.

"I think we've got everything covered now, guys," said Erskine, stretching.

"No, there's still something to clarify," said Valkyrie. Once again, all eyes turned to her.

"Are you sure?" asked Skulduggery, head cocked to one side.

"Yeah, it's-"

"Only, I'm pretty sure we've thought of everything," he said.

"Well there's still-"

"Sure you're not just wasting our time?" he asked.

Valkyrie felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She was _sure_ that she was about to raise a good point, but _they_ were the experts, and if they said they were done...

"Forget it," she sighed.

"Skulduggery," Ghastly said harshly. "Stop oppressing her. She has a right to talk."

"Val, what did you wanna say?" prompted Dexter.

"Nothing. Like Skulduggery said, it's probably insignificant," she said, slightly disheartened. Did Skulduggery have to be right _all the time_?

Anton rolled his eyes. "Skulduggery, don't be a bully. So far, Valkyrie's raised some excellent points and made worthy contributions, so why doubt her now? Valkyrie, ignore the moron and please continue."

Valkyrie smiled at Anton. "Well, this is a small point, but what if the Sanctuary follows us when we make our escape? I mean, it's incredibly likely 'cause they'll probably have seen us and be chasing us out of the building, with our rotten luck. So, what will happen if Cleavers jump in a van and speed off after us? We can't lead them back here, but Cleavers don't tire easily and they're determined, so they'll chase us all night, and they can take shifts. We'll tire well before they do, and it will be hard to lose them while making sure civilians don't see us and we don't attract attention. So my question is, what happens then, if we're being followed back?"

Everyone looked at Skulduggery expectantly. "Okay, that was a good point."

"And?" prompted Anton.

Skulduggery muttered something unintelligible.

"What? I don't think she heard you," said Ghastly.

"I said 'Sorry Valkyrie'," muttered Skulduggery.

"Are you sulking now?" asked Saracen.

"No," said Skulduggery stubbornly, indicating that he definitely _was _sulking.

"So what will we do if that happens?" pressed Valkyrie.

"Assuming we have Fletcher at that point, we could try and get him to teleport us somewhere, abandoning the van," suggested Dexter. Ghastly whirled to him.

"What?! No, no we are _not_ abandoning _my_ van. We can park it somewhere and come back for it later, but we are not leaving it behind." He folded his arms and sat back, a look of determination on his face.

"Alright, alright," said Dexter, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "We'll, ahem,_ hide _the van."

"Never separate a man from his van," said Erskine, grinning.

"What cars do the rest of you have?" asked Saracen. "You know, I once owned a BMW."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?" asked Erskine.

"Uhhh, what?" replied Saracen, unsure of what Erskine was on about.

"Porcupines have pricks on the outside!" said Erskine, chuckling.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Saracen, rolling his eyes.

"How about your Oompa Loompa, Val? What was that?" asked Anton.

"A Ford Fiesta," she said proudly.

"What do you call a Ford at the top of a hill?" asked Skulduggery mischievously.

Valkyrie sighed. "I don't know," she said.

"A miracle," laughed Skulduggery. Him and Erskine high-fived each other, whilst Valkyrie joined Saracen in sulking. Anton and Dexter quickly left the room, to avoid being targeted themselves.

"Hey, Skulduggery- what do you call _two_ Fords on top of a hill?" asked Erskine.

"I don't know, what do you call two Fords on top of a hill?"

"A mirage!" laughed Erskine, and him and Skulduggery roared with laughter.

"Guys," said Ghastly, who then inwardly cursed as they instantly turned their attention to him.

"What sort of a person drives a van, anyway?" said Erskine. "I mean, it's just _boring._ It's_ lame._ It's... _pointless._ Why have a van when you can have a Ferrari?"

Ghastly joined the sulking club.

* * *

><p><strong>Next two questions:<strong>

**Q5: What is a scene that made you laugh?**

_**Nearly all of them, but the only one I can think of at the moment is:**_

_**"It's Dexter," Skulduggery said.**_

_**She sat up in bed, horrified. "They killed him?"**_

_**"What? No. Tanith has him."**_

_**"She killed him?"**_

_**"Stop thinking someone killed him."**_

_**From last stand of dead men. Loved it so much I memorised it!**_

**Q6: Which character are you most like?**

_**I think I'm most like Anton; quiet, only speaks if needed, witty, can be menacing, etc.**_


	23. Getting There

**Thanks once again for all the birthday wishes! And for your answers to the last questions; they were really interesting. The next two questions are, as usual, at the end of the chapter. :)**

**This is a bit of a random filler, but it was needed- how else would the Dead Men get to the Sanctuary? ;) And the next chapter will be... Dun dun DUUUUNNNN! The raid!**

**So, the Dead Men need to get to the Sanctuary. They take Ghastly's van, with the four immature ones sitting at the back. Together. Anything could happen... ;)**

* * *

><p>The seven of them strolled to Ghastly's van, Ghastly and Anton at the front, and Skulduggery and Valkyrie bringing up the rear. The seriousness of the situation was being felt as everyone wore the same grim expression on their faces. Even Skulduggery's skull looked less cheery than usual.<p>

Valkyrie turned to say something to him, but stopped as she noticed that his skull was tilted towards her, as if he was observing her. Then, all of a sudden, he seemed to snap out of his trance, and quickly looked away, speeding up slightly. Confused, Valkyrie decided to just drop it and carry on.

They all got into the van, having previously confirmed and clarified the main objectives of the mission. Ghastly and Erskine were going straight to the Grand Mage and Elders' offices, as well as any other filing cabinets in any other offices, whilst the other five would head to the Gaol. Everyone knew what they were doing, and all they could do now was hope that nothing would go wrong, as it usually did.

Ghastly got into the driver's seat, Skulduggery sat next to him in the middle, and Anton sat on the far left. The other four got into the back section of the van, which Valkyrie, Saracen and Anton had renovated, so it now had four makeshift seats against the wall of the van, with secure belts. Valkyrie and Dexter sat on two seats on one side of the van, and Saracen and Erskine sat on the two opposite them. There was a thin glass window that Ghastly had recently fitted in, which allowed the guys at the front to look into the van's back compartment, and vice versa.

"Ready?" asked Ghastly, his voice slightly muffled, yet still audible from the back. Anton and Skulduggery nodded, and the others voiced their agreements. Ghastly started the van, and soon they were pulling away from the warehouse and were heading towards the Sanctuary.

* * *

><p>"I'm bored," complained Valkyrie. They were just over an hour into the journey, and she had been fighting the boredom ferociously, but to no avail.<p>

"Me too," added Erskine.

"Well just amuse yourselves, then," said Skulduggery from the front. Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at the back of his skull through the pane of glass.

"I saw that," he said, much to Valkyrie's surprise. She scowled.

"I saw _that_, too," said Skulduggery, humour in his voice. Valkyrie stared at the back of his skull, trying to figure out how he could see what she was doing behind him, and then finally noticed how his head was tilted towards the rear-view mirror, where he could clearly make out her frowning face.

"Honestly, Valkyrie, call yourself a detective?" he teased, much to her annoyance. However, before she could retort, Erskine spoke up.

"I'm still bored," he whined.

"Play a game," Anton suggested.

"Yeah but _what_?" he asked in a moany voice.

"How about 'Tomato'?" Ghastly offered.

"Huh?" asked Erskine, confused.

"It's a game where one person asks everyone else silly questions, and the people being asked can only respond with 'Tomato', and if they smile or laugh they're out. The last person out is the winner. How about you four play it together?" Ghastly said.

"Yeah, alright," said Dexter, as Ghastly slipped back into conversation with Skulduggery and Anton.

"So, who's it?" asked Saracen.

"Me," said Dexter, grinning mischievously. "So, what are your names?"

"Tomato," said Valkyrie, trying not to smile. "Tomato," said Erskine and Saracen together.

"If you have a crush on me, say 'tomato'," said Dexter, smiling.

"Tomato," Saracen said, without hesitation. "Tomato," muttered Valkyrie. Erskine, however, looked a little more complacent. After grudgingly staring at Dexter, he said, in a reluctant voice, "Tomato."

Dexter grinned. "Aw, guys, you're too kind! Mmmh... Oh, I know! What turns you on?" he asked in a deep seductive voice.

"Tomato," said Erskine. "Tomato," said Valkyrie, biting her cheeks to stop herself from laughing. "Tomato," said Saracen.

"Really? Well, I guess everyone has their own tastes. Who, or what, did you lose your virginity to?"

"Tomato," they all said, trying hard not to laugh.

"Well, that explains a lot. What do you think will be your downfall?"

"Tomato," said Saracen and Valkyrie, but Erskine was already losing his cool. "A tomato!" he exclaimed, laughing.

"Okay, Erskine, you're out," said Dexter, and he continued to question Valkyrie and Saracen.

* * *

><p>About half an hour later, after Valkyrie had given in, allowing Saracen to win the game after Dexter had started asking some very... ahem, <em>adult<em> questions, they were once again bored.

"How about we only say song lyrics from this point on?" suggested Valkyrie. The others nodded.

"We'll be there in about two hours, guys," called Ghastly from the front.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in," said Valkyrie, not knowing how else to respond.

"What?" asked Ghastly.

"Do you believe in life after love?" said Saracen. Ghastly ignored them and carried on driving, talking to Skulduggery and Anton again.

"We are never ever ever getting back together," said Erskine.

"Your hand fits in mine like it was made just for me," said Dexter.

"But I'm something like a killer, killer, killer," said Erskine.

"Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes," said Valkyrie.

"Don't blame it on me, blame it on the night," said Saracen.

"It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do," said Valkyrie.

"We might as well be lovers on the sun," said Erskine. By now, everyone was confused as to what they were actually talking about, so just went with the flow.

"The storms are raging on the rolling sea," said Dexter.

"You can stand under my umbrella," said Saracen.

"I'm singing in the rain," said Erskine.

"It's raining men," said Valkyrie, grinning.

"Let's get a little wet," said Saracen.

"And if they say why, why? Just tell them that it's human nature," said Dexter.

"I feel her breath on my face, her body close to me," said Erskine.

"And I just can't pull myself away," said Saracen.

"Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars," said Dexter.

"Tonight we're going hard," said Erskine.

"And we be all night," said Saracen.

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun'," said Dexter.

"And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl," said Erskine. Valkyrie laughed as the three looked at her, waiting for her response in their very interesting 'conversation', which seemed to, yet again, take a very adult turn.

"Come here rude boy- boy is you big enough?" she sang, smirking. The three men whooped. Skulduggery and Anton turned around in their seats to look at them.

"What on earth is going on back there?" asked Anton.

"Let me see you sexercize," sang Saracen in a seductive voice, and the two promptly turned around again.

"Guys, we'll be there in ten minutes," called Skulduggery from the front.

"Now what should we do?" asked Valkyrie.

"Uhhhh I spy?" suggested Erskine. Valkyrie, Saracen and Dexter glared at him.

"How about snog, wed, bed?" said Saracen. "We'll name three people, and you have to say which one you'll snog, which one you'll wed and which one you'll bed."

The others agreed, and Dexter spoke first. "Okay, so, Dusk, Ghastly and Sanguine."

"Ummm I'd snog Ghastly, wed Dusk and bed Sanguine," said Erskine.

"Same," said Saracen.

"Seriously?" asked Valkyrie. "You'd bed _Sanguine_? Well I guess he is kinda handsome... Okay I'd snog Dusk, wed Ghastly and bed Sanguine."

"Next ones... Mmmh China, Valkyrie, Tanith," said Saracen. "You don't have to answer this one," he said to Valkyrie.

The three men thought for a few seconds, until Dexter spoke. "Uhhh I would snog China, wed Val and bed Tanith."

"I would snog China, wed Tanith and bed Val," said Erskine. Valkyrie shifted in her seat, waiting for Saracen's answer.

He grinned cheekily at Valkyrie. "I would do the same- snog China, wed Tanith and bed Val."

Valkyrie cleared her throat. "Maybe this isn't such a good game after all..." she said, as the men laughed.

Anton turned to them from the front. "Guys, we're approaching Roarhaven now. Make no sound at all, okay?"

They nodded, and watched as Ghastly and Skulduggery swapped places, and Skulduggery activated his facade. He already had on a luminous orange jacket over a white shirt. Ghastly and Anton crouched in front of their seats, and Skulduggery threw a black sheet over them.

"Approaching now," murmured Skulduggery, and everyone heard his window being lowered.

"Sorry, mate, there's nothing to see up here, unfortunately," came the voice of the elderly man.

"Ah, no need to bother with all that, my friend," Skulduggery said. "I'm here to drop off a delivery for the Sanctuary."

"What _are_ you delivering exactly? From my knowledge, all shipments are transported secretly and directly into the Sanctuary."

"They've recently hired us, as they fear that people may intercept their secret routes. Namely the Dead Men, I'm sure you've heard of them?" queried Skulduggery. Valkyrie's eyes widened.

"What the hell is he doing?" she whispered to Dexter. "He's gonna get us found out."

"Yeah, who hasn't?" the man said.

"The Sanctuary thinks that they'll intercept their routes and steal their resources, as they know the exact location, two of them having been Elders previously. So, they're taking a new approach and are just doing it in plain sight- the best place to hide something, wouldn't you agree?"

"Uh, yes, sorry for the delay, sir. What did you say you were transporting?"

"What am I transporting?" said Skulduggery, nervously laughing. "Well, I'm not transporting anything, I'm _delivering_."

"Well, what are you delivering, then?"

"Well, you see," Skulduggery stammered. Erskine cursed.

"I'm, uh, transporting uhhh chairs!" Skulduggery suddenly exclaimed.

"Chairs?" asked the man, and Valkyrie could imagine him raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, chairs. They have four legs, you see, and you sit-"

"I know what chairs are, sir, and as far as I know, the Sanctuary is not in need of any chairs."

"Well, you don't know much, now do you? These luxurious chairs that I am delivering were requested for specifically by Grand Mage Graves, as he had received various complaints from Sanctuary officials that the old wooden ones left a tremendous ache in one's bottom. Apparently they couldn't walk straight for days. Furthermore-"

"Yes, yes, okay, carry on, then. I don't need the entire history of Sanctuary chairs to be recited to me. Be on your way, sir," said the man.

"Thank you very much," said Skulduggery, and the van accelerated again. About ten seconds later, Skulduggery spoke.

"We're in," he murmured. "I'm going to park near the lake, behind that group of trees that Valkyrie always bumps into, which we'll reach in about a minute. Everyone get ready."

Sure enough, sixty seconds later, they felt the van slow and eventually come to a complete stop. They heard Skulduggery get out, and Ghastly and Anton's sheet being thrown off, accompanied with loud sighs of relief. The other door opened, and they got out as well. The four in the back undid their seatbelts, and they got out of the van via the back door.

"Is everyone clear on the mission?" asked Skulduggery. The other six nodded. "We get in through the back. It should be unguarded, as Graves would have panicked and assigned most or all of the cleavers to protect him, and will have forgotten about the various entrances and exits. Well, that's my theory, anyway. We split up and go our separate ways, one team going to the offices, the other going to the Gaol. Miraculously, if on the way back to the van no alarms have gone off, try and get into the Repository and steal at least one cloaking sphere. However, do not risk anything if not needed. Ready?"

Everyone nodded, and they stalked towards the Sanctuary.

* * *

><p><strong>The next two questions:<strong>

**Q7: What's your favourite fight scene?**

_**wow I have so many, but it has to be the one in Mortal Coil against Tesseract, when they were all at Skulduggery's house (Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, Erskine, Tanith vs Tesseract). Also, not only was it awesome, but it was the first time they all fought together, and the first time we saw Erskine fight.**_

**Q8: What is a scene that made you emotional?**

_***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR LSODM AND TDOTL, DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU HAVENT READ THESE BOOKS***_

_**So, so many... Ghastly and Anton's death, Alice's death, Sanguine's death, heck I even cried at Thrasher's death. But the worst has to be that Accelerator bit. Skulduggery's assumed death. Yeah, that hit me bad.**_


	24. Into the Sanctuary

**Helloooo readers! Wow already nearly one month in to 2015...**

***Just a quick question for this story; I was considering, based on the current plot, if I should kill off one of the Dead Men... Do you guys think I should, or should I just take the plot in a different, slightly happier direction? :) I won't say who I'm planning on killing, so you aren't influenced with your answers. Let me know what you think before I do something drastic! ;)**

**And now, on the darkest of days, the Dead Men gather to raid the Sanctuary, but casualties are forecasted, and blood will be shed.**

**Nothing will ever be the same again.**

**So, without further ado, lass uns beginnen! :)**

* * *

><p>They made it into the Sanctuary unnoticed, and began walking stealthily towards the offices and the Gaol. Every time they came to a corner, they would look at Saracen, who would signal whether or not it was safe to continue. Occasionally, they had to duck back into the shadows or into an empty room as an oblivious Mage passed by, but eventually they made it to the cross-section. This was where Erskine and Ghastly turned left to the offices, and the other five continued right, towards the Gaol.<p>

A few minutes later, they reached the stairs that led down to the Gaol, and stopped in the shadows of a nearby alcove. They could see three cleavers, their backs to them, standing guard in the doorway.

"Two people need to take out the cleavers," whispered Skulduggery. "The others will continue on to get Fletcher. All of this must be done in silence."

"Dexter and Skulduggery, you get the cleavers. Us three will get Fletcher," said Saracen. Dexter nodded, and him and Skulduggery crept down the stairs and up to the cleavers.

Skulduggery got one of the cleavers in a chokehold, whilst Dexter fended off the other two with energy and punches. Valkyrie, Anton and Saracen ran past them and entered the Gaol.

Immediately, Staven Weeper caught sight of them, and stood from his desk, eyes wide. He barely had time to blink before Valkyrie sent a wall of shadows slamming into him. He hit the wall and slumped into unconsciousness. Saracen searched around his desk, and pulled out a large ring of keys. They each then started checking the cells, sliding back the viewing hole in order to see who was inside. Valkyrie slid back the hole on one, and was met with none other than Vaurien Scapegrace.

"Cain," he snarled. Valkyrie hastily closed the hatch, but Scapegrace started yelling at the top of his lungs. "Guards! Cleavers! They're here! The Dead Men are here!"

Anton cursed, and resumed searching at twice the speed. Half a minute later, Saracen found Fletcher in the second-to-last cell. He had been unable to use his powers to find Fletcher's cell as the inside of the cell was bound, so his magic was unable to benefit him. "Got him!" he called, and the others hurried over.

After fumbling with the keys, they eventually found the correct one for the cell, and hauled Fletcher out of there. His hands were shackled, powers bound. He looked around, surprised. However, before he could even smile at them, a shout was heard from further back, from Skulduggery. They had to move. Now.

Valkyrie put the ring of keys in Fletcher's pocket. "We'll unshackle you later, Fletch," she promised. "We're kinda short for time right now to find the correct key."

They ran back to where they had last seen Skulduggery and Dexter, to find that they were just finishing off with the last cleavers. Once done, they turned and saw the others. Skulduggery had lost his hat somewhere, and Valkyrie could see that he was quickly scanning the surroundings in order to find it, eventually locating it in the shadows by a wall. Dexter, however, had blood cascading down his left arm, and the source seemed to be his shoulder. He saw the others' concern, and smiled reassuringly. "It's not as bad as it looks. We just need to get out of here, now."

They raced out of the Gaol, and turned towards the corridor that they had entered through. All of a sudden, alarms started blaring.

"Run!" yelled Skulduggery, and they picked up speed. Skulduggery led the way down the maze of corridors, hauling Fletcher close behind him, buffeting him with short, sharp gusts of air to ensure that he kept up. Saracen came next, then Dexter, and Valkyrie and Anton brought up the rear.

They made it to the intersecting corridor, and Valkyrie spotted a confidential looking piece of paper on the floor. "Erskine or Ghastly must have dropped that, so they're already at the van," she panted, noticing Dexter also looking back at it.

They turned into a long corridor. The exit was near. Suddenly, the thudding of boots was heard close behind them, and Valkyrie glanced back and saw at least a dozen cleavers charging at them. The massive length of the corridor meant that they had nowhere to duck or hide or shelter- they had to keep going to the corner. They were already tiring, though, and the cleavers were catching up.

Valkyrie knew that Skulduggery would have no problem reaching the exit, with no muscles to tire and ache, and Fletcher would get there, too, due to the boosts he was receiving from air manipulation. Saracen might just make it as well, seeing how he was also quite near to the corner. However, Valkyrie was certain that she, Anton and Dexter, who were running a few metres behind the others, wouldn't be able to outrun the cleavers, especially since they were gaining fast. She glanced at Anton, who met her eye. He knew of that fact, too.

Valkyrie's legs were screaming at her, and she slowed down slightly, unable to continue at that speed. She tailed behind Anton, who looked back, seemingly debating whether to slow down and haul her along, or to carry on. Valkyrie looked back and saw that the cleavers were now mere metres away from her, and she stopped running, knowing that it was hopeless. Skulduggery looked back, and she met his gaze, then turned to the cleavers, fists ready and shadows curling. "Keep running!" she yelled to the others. "I'll cover your escape!"

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" Skulduggery called back over his shoulder.

"Just move!" she roared, and began throwing shadows at the cleavers, slicing and decapitating them with ease, aiming for the neck so she could get under their protective clothing. She was aware of Anton taking up a fighters stance beside her, and Dexter charged into the cleavers out of nowhere. The others, however, appeared to have moved on. They got what they needed to get, and now they needed to escape with him.

Anton joined Dexter in throwing fists and kicks at the cleavers, and between them managed to eliminate six. Valkyrie took care of another four with her shadows, but all were beginning to tire.

And then the reinforcements came.

Cleavers poured into the corridor, forcing Anton, Dexter and Valkyrie back against a wall, where they attempted to defend themselves against the cleavers, keeping them a metre or so back. Still they fought, but to no avail. A cleaver sliced at Valkyrie's stomach with his scythe, but soon realised that she was wearing protective gear, and began aiming for her head. She managed to dodge the majority of his jabs, but one cut across her cheek, and she cried out, feeling the warm blood trickle down.

Dexter, meanwhile, was operating mainly with his right arm, as his left was still feeling the effects of being sliced into by a cleaver previously. He punched whenever a cleaver got too close, and resorted to throwing energy the rest of the time, but the cleavers were standing their ground securely.

Anton realised that the odds were stacked against them, and ripped open his shirt. His gist emerged, snarling, and leapt at the cleavers. It savagely pulled them apart, and soon the corridor was empty, but for various body parts of cleavers strewn about. The gist turned its head towards Valkyrie, baring its teeth, but retreated unwillingly back into Anton's chest as he reined it in.

Anton slumped against the wall, breathing heavily. Dexter and Valkyrie leaned against the opposite wall, smiling. However, just when they thought they'd won, even more cleavers swarmed in, at least two dozen of them. The three looked at each other, knowing there was no point in trying to run or trying to fight. They stepped in front of the cleavers, hands raised in surrender.

There was movement at the back of the group of cleavers, and then Grand Mage Graves emerged from the gathering. He was wearing a gas mask, and had a canister in his hands.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't half of the Dead Men," he sneered, his voice slightly muffled by the gas mask.

"Actually, it's less than half, dimwit," Valkyrie pointed out.

"Trivial details do not matter, girl," said Graves. "Three of the Dead Men hostage- imagine the carnage I could cause..."

And with that, Graves lifted the canister, and removed the lid. Gas billowed out of it, and no matter how much they tried to cover their mouths, the three Dead Men collapsed into unconsciousness.

"Take them to the cells," said Graves, and walked away as cleavers began to pick up their lifeless bodies.

* * *

><p><strong>Q9: What is something you hate about the series?<strong>

_**I hate how the reflection ended up working alongside Skulduggery, after everything she did. Also, it's annoying how there was absolutely no mention of Saracen Rue being in the dead men, until Death Bringer- I would've thought that since he was in the dead men, and is one of Skul's best friends, that he would have been mentioned at least once, but he wasn't until six books into the series. I also hate how Skul forgave China. Heck he even offered her a hug! And I don't like how the dead men only focused mainly on the death of Ghastly, not really so much on Anton. and also it was annoying how there were no detailed descriptions about Anton and Erskine, and no recent illustrations either. It's also extremely frustrating that there were no pairings or implied pairings towards the end of the series, or even throughout it, except for, obviously, Ghanith, Fletchyrie and ValkyrieXcaelan, none of which worked out. Okay that's a lot of stuff I hate! **_

**Q10: Who is a character that you wish hadn't died? **

_**The obvious answer for me would be Ghastly, but I think that his death meant something; it showed the great lengths Erskine was prepared to go to, as well as show the close bond between him and Skul and the others. I didnt want him to die, but I get why he did. Umm so I guess I would say that I wish Anton hadn't died; he was awesome, and his death was pretty pointless to me, killing Ghastly was bad enough. Oh yeah and Tesseract- it would've been epic if he had come into later books, I can just picture him against melancholia in death bringer, or fighting against the warlocks in LSODM. Oh and Sanguine's death. That was just heartbreaking.**_


	25. Torture and Tears

**Hello readers! Thanks for all of your feedback on the last chapter, and on the question I asked about the dead men. I've considered all of your responses, and I have made my decision. You'll find out what I decided soon. Veeeery soon. **

**And now... Torture. I've tried not to go into too much bloody and gory detail, but it's not exactly vague, either. :) **

**okay that smiley face was inappropriate. :| that's better. **

* * *

><p>Valkyrie stirred and opened her eyes, looking at her surroundings. She recognised the lower levels of the Sanctuary, and knew that she was being held in one of the cells down there. This cell, however, was completely different to the ones in the Gaol- it had long metal bars from the ceiling to the floor, which spanned five metres across to the other end of the narrow hall. The floor was bare and cold stone. In front of the cell was a wide open space, free of any furniture. The shadows at that end of the room made it impossible to judge how long the room was. The room itself was lit with a few torches, which had flickering flames that made the shadows seem alive. As a Necromancer, it was comforting in a way, to know that if she did manage to escape, she would have a healthy arsenal at her disposal. For now, however, the cell was bound.<p>

She realised that she wasn't wearing her protective jacket any more, and concluded that it must have been taken off her by Graves and his men. She found that was leaning against a wall, and that she was not alone in the cell. She could make out Anton and Dexter's muscular silhouettes slumped against the other two walls. She shifted slightly, and they looked up at her. She put a hand to her cheek, where the cleaver had cut her. The blood had been wiped away, but it still stung slightly. She smiled softly.

"Are you two okay?"

"Yeah," replied Anton. "I've recovered after using the gist, and Dexter's bandaged up his shoulder with half of his shirt, and we used said shirt half to wipe away the blood from your cut. So, everyone's alive. For now."

"What do you think they'll do with us?"

It was Dexter who answered, after a brief hesitation. "I dunno, Val. Probably use us as bribery, issue out threats, or try and get information out of us. Yeah, I think that's what they'll do."

"Great," sighed Valkyrie. "How I _love_ being tortured."

"We don't know if it'll come to that, Val," said Anton, attempting to reassure her. "It could just be... errr..."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Uh it could just be intense verbal interrogation," Anton decided after thinking for a moment. He believed this alternative about as much as Valkyrie and Dexter did. Not at all.

A door opened somewhere in the shadows in front of them, and promptly closed before a lot of light could get in. Grand Mage Graves stepped out of the shadows, a nasty sneer on his face that was probably trying to appear menacing, but instead made it look like he was in pain.

"This is your last chance to speak, Dead Men, before the torture begins. Where are the others hiding?"

Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton remained silent. Finally, Valkyrie sighed, and answered.

"Switzerland," she said. Dexter sniggered.

"Do not play games with me, child," said Graves.

Valkyrie feigned offence. "_Games? Child?_ I'll have you know that I am _not _playing games. If you don't believe me, then that's your problem. And as for _child._.. I am twenty four, which is most certainly _not_ the age of a child."

"Hold your tongue, young one."

"_Hold my tongue? _Then how am I supposed to answer you, you ninny? Fine then, don't expect an answer. All you're getting is Switzerland."

"Last chance," warned Graves, but when the three resumed their impassive composure, he sighed and motioned to the door behind him. Various items were brought in by cleavers, including a chair, shackles and some nasty looking torture instruments. Once all but two of the cleavers had exited, a man entered. He was tall and broad, with muscles that seemed to rival even those of Dexter and Anton. His head was shaved bald, and he wore a malicious, sick smile on his face. This was a man who thrived off other people's pain.

"Well, you leave me no choice," said Graves, turning to the man. "This here is Tyga Blood, and-"

"_Tyga Blood?_" scoffed Valkyrie. "What sort of a name is _that_?"

"The name of the professional torturer that I hired especially for you, who will be cutting you up for the next few hours," said Graves, turning and walking back into the shadows. A few moments later, the door slammed shut.

"Now," growled Tyga, "I'm meant to be torturing you until you give me an answer. But sometimes, I'm a bit hard of hearing, so if you do decide to co-operate, it may take a few more hours of torture until I comprehend what you're saying."

"So even if we give you all the answers Graves wants, you're still going to torture us?" clarified Anton.

"Exactly," growled Tyga. He looked at the three of them. "You," he said, pointing to Dexter. "You're first."

The two cleavers, who had been standing just in front of the shadows, came forward and stopped outside the cell. One of them unlocked the door, with a rusty iron key, that was furiously close to Anton. However, the other cleaver held his scythe by the key, so if Anton attempted to take it, his hand would promptly be cut off.

One cleaver entered the cell, and forced Dexter up and out of the cell door, whilst the other kept Valkyrie and Anton at bay with its scythe. The door was locked again, and Dexter was led to a metal chair in the middle of the room, and forced to sit down. His wrists and ankles were strapped down to the chair, with some sort of material that ensured that Dexter's magic stayed bound.

Dexter eyed Tyga as he walked to a table where the torture instruments had been laid out. He appeared to contemplate whether the knife or the steel pole would be better, and then decided on the latter. He picked up the metre-or-so long pole and walked over to Dexter, who's hard gaze had now turned slightly cautious. Suddenly, without warning, Tyga brought the pole down hard on Dexter's wounded shoulder, causing him to cry out in pain.

Tyga smiled a sick smile, and proceeded to keep beating Dexter with the pole, each assault bringing a fresh cry of pain into the air. Soon, blood was drawn, which only seemed to widen Tyga's grin. A few minutes later, which consisted of harder, rougher attacks with the pole, Tyga administered a mighty blow to the back of Dexter's skull. Dexter's brain slammed against the wall of his skull, and he slumped in the seat, immediately unconscious.

Tyga realised that he could no longer inflict pain, as Dexter was unable to feel it, so undid the bounds, unlocked the cell door, and threw Dexter back in with Valkyrie and Anton. By now, they were silent and nervous, anticipating what sort of torture they would receive. After watching Dexter's, or part of it in Valkyrie's case, as she had turned around and faced the wall after the first couple of minutes, they knew that it would be lethal.

Valkyrie and Anton dragged Dexter into a sitting-up position and leaned him against the wall, and attempted to stop the blood flowing out of the various points of his body, whilst the cleavers stood guard outside, scythes drawn, to ensure that no one escaped. A few seconds later, Tyga appeared to have made up his mind, as he walked to the cell door. "You," he said, pointing to Anton.

The cleavers hauled Anton out of the cell, locking it behind them, and set him up in the chair like Dexter had been. Tyga had already chosen his torture instrument, and held a long, sharp knife in his hand, the blade of which glinted in the torchlight. He once again gave a sadistic smile.

He slashed at Anton's arms, making quick, short jabs on his left arm, and then changing his mind with the right arm, instead pressing deep and administering a long, drawn-out stab. Anton winced, but otherwise showed no reaction, determined not to give this man any pleasure. So, as the blood cascaded down his arms, he attempted to remain indifferent.

Tyga moved on to his torso, and began slashing roughly at Anton's chest and stomach, ripping his shirt to shreds in the process. More blood was drawn, and as the intensity of the attack increased, so did the pain. Anton could not take any more, and let out a scream as the knife was plunged into his leg, and twisted around.

Valkyrie couldn't watch any more, and just turned away and tended to Dexter. She ripped off more of his shirt, and used it to stem some of the blood flow from his shoulder, which was bleeding heavily. She could hear Anton's cries in the background, but tried to block them out, focusing only on Dexter. It was bad enough that they were being tortured, but having to watch each other being tortured as well was heartbreakingly awful.

Soon, Anton's cries died down, and Valkyrie heard the cell door being opened. She turned, and Anton was thrown in. He was covered in blood, and slowly, painfully, dragged himself to the other end of the cell, where he sat slumped against the wall, breathing heavily, his long black hair messily obscuring some of his face.

Valkyrie looked his way and met his eye. He looked away, unable to offer any sort of reassurance to her. They both knew what was coming, and as Valkyrie was dragged up out of the cell, he could only sit there and watch.

She was placed in the chair, and was strapped into it like the other two had been. Tyga turned away from the table, and now Valkyrie could see what he had chosen to torture her with.

A hammer and nails.

A large, heavy looking metal hammer, with long, rusty iron nails. Tyga grinned and came closer, and bent down so he could look Valkyrie in the eye.

"I heard that Grouse nailed Tanith Low to a chair nearly a decade ago," he said. "Thought I'd take a leaf outta his book, and do the same to you, love."

He moved towards her hand, and held the nail above it. He pressed it down so it was gently digging in to the back of Valkyrie's hand, which was forced flat out, due to the positioning of the cuffs and binds on her wrist. She looked up, wide eyed. "No," she whispered. "No, don't, please." She breathed heavily, panicking and anticipating the pain about to come. She glanced up, and saw Anton looking at her, worry in his eyes.

Suddenly, with great ferocity, Tyga swung the hammer down onto the nail. Hard. Valkyrie screamed, whilst Anton yelled, "No!". Valkyrie felt tears coming to her eyes, and whimpered in pain. It hurt so much that she didn't notice Tyga raising the hammer high above his head, and bringing it crashing down back onto the nail. Valkyrie screamed once more, taken by surprise. The nail was nearly halfway through her hand.

Tyga continued his assault whilst Valkyrie screamed, soon completing one hand, and moving on to the other. Anton watched, helpless. Dexter began to stir, and soon awoke from unconsciousness. Anton shuffled over to him, moving stiffly due to his injured leg and torso.

"Are you okay?" he asked Dexter, voice barely audible over Valkyrie's screams.

Dexter nodded, but his attention soon turned to Valkyrie. "What the hell is he doing to her?" he asked, unable to see, as Tyga was standing in front of Valkyrie, obstructing his view of her.

Anton's tone was remorseful. "He's nailing her to the chair," he said simply.

Dexter's eyes widened in shock, and he could only imagine the immense pain Valkyrie was feeling. He took in Anton's own bloody appearance. "Knife?" he asked.

"Yes," Anton said.

Tyga, now finished with her hands, moved on to Valkyrie's legs. Further straps at the knees ensured that her thighs were flat on the chair, and it was here that he nailed next. He placed the nail against the fabric of her trousers, and brought the hammer down forcefully, forcing the nail in, once again resulting in screams.

"Now, I know what you're thinking, princess," sneered Tyga, over Valkyrie's cries. "_Why aren't my clothes protecting me_? Well, the answer to that is that these nails are enchanted- they can break through anything. And that includes Bespoke-made clothes. That includes skin and bones."

And with that, Tyga continued nailing Valkyrie Cain to the chair.

* * *

><p>Tyga had left them a little over an hour ago. He had left Anton and Dexter bleeding in the cell, and Valkyrie strapped and nailed to the chair by her hands, thighs, ankles, elbows, shoulders, stomach and collarbone. She had passed out soon after the nails to her stomach had begun, but until then had been screaming in pain almost non-stop. Blood was seeping from her wounds, her skin was pale and her breathing was ragged.<p>

She was slumped over as best as possible in the chair. Anton and Dexter were each leaning heavily against the wall, seated on the floor. They were silent, trying to get the mental images out of their mind, as well as the remnants of Valkyrie's screams, which seemed to be flitting around the room.

Valkyrie began to stir, and slowly raised her head and opened her eyes. She glanced down at her hands and thighs, and winced at the pain she could still feel. Attempting to minimise her movements, she flexed her fingers slightly, trying not to show the pain that it brought with it. She looked over at Anton and Dexter, who looked back blankly. There was nothing that they could do or say to help at all, or comfort her, so they kept their mouths shut and set firmly in a straight, hard line. None of them would ever be the same again.

And then Skulduggery Pleasant burst into the room, gun in hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Q11: Who is a character that you wish had died?<strong>

_**I think for all the trouble she caused, I kinda wished that Tanith would be killed at some point. Also, China should've died. She should've been killed by Darquesse, or even anyone else, I literally just wanted her killed. Painfully. :)**_

**Q12: What is your chosen power/discipline?**

_**For its sheer awesomeness and power, Necromancy. And I love Solomon Wreath, so that may or may not also be part of the reason.**_


	26. Jail Break

**Helloooooo! Glad you liked the last chapter!**

**This is what happens from Skulduggery's perspective.**

* * *

><p>Skulduggery thundered down the long corridor of the Sanctuary, the others right behind him. He kept giving Fletcher quick boosts with the air to ensure that he kept up. He glanced behind him, and saw Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton bringing up the rear. They were behind the others, but the exit was right around the corner. They were going to make it.<p>

Then, Skulduggery heard an army of boots accompanying their own, and looked back to see a hoard of cleavers running after them. The long stretch of corridor had nowhere to hide- it was now just a race for survival. However, Skulduggery saw something else in that glance he just took. He saw that Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton weren't going to make it in time. The cleavers were gaining on them, and there was no way that they could outrun them.

He was aware of a slight change in the sound of shoes hitting hard ground, and looked behind him again to see that Valkyrie had stopped, and was turned towards the cleavers, her fists full of shadows. She looked over her shoulder at him and met his eye.

"Keep running!" she yelled to them. "I'll cover your escape!"

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" yelled Skulduggery. There was no doubt that she would get captured or even killed. There was nothing he could do to save her now.

"Just _move_!" she roared, and with that, she started hurling shadows at the cleavers. At that moment, Skulduggery's mind was raging a debate that seemed to him to last a millennium, but in reality was a split second decision. He decided, with great reluctance, to keep running. He didn't look back again as he left Valkyrie Cain behind, but a shift in the air currents told him that Dexter and Anton had remained as well.

With the cleavers occupied, Skulduggery, Fletcher and Saracen ran out through the exit, emerging into daylight. In the distance, Skulduggery could hear more boots thudding in unison, and realised with a sinking heart that a reinforcement of cleavers had arrived. There was no way that the others would survive an escape.

Clearing his head, or skull, he raced to the van, seeing that Ghastly was already waiting in the driver's seat with the engine running. He titled his skull towards Saracen, who nodded. Erskine was in the back. Saracen jumped into the back, probably to keep Erskine company, seeing as there would be one empty seat at the front which he could've claimed. Skulduggery helped Fletcher into the back as well. He then got into the front, leaving the middle seat between him and Ghastly empty. He slammed the door shut.

Ghastly didn't move for a second, but then began accelerating the van back the way they had come. He glanced in the rear-view mirror and cursed. "They're following us."

"I'll try shooting them," said Skulduggery in a hard voice, "and if that doesn't work, we'll lead them away." He opened the window, and looked in the wing mirror. He took his revolver from his pocket, and held it in his hand. Then, quickly, he stuck his hand out of the window and fired at the three black cars that were tailing close behind them. Fortunately, they were driving on country roads, so there were no mortal witnesses.

Skulduggery considered aiming for various points in the car; the driver, the engine, the tyres. He fired one shot at the driver in the first car, and the car immediately began to swerve as the driver writhed in pain. He then shot the person in the passenger seat of the car, so they couldn't take over. The car quickly crashed into a tree on the side of the road.

He had four bullets left before he had to refill. Skulduggery contemplated his options as the second car approached, and decided to shoot out the tyres. He used one bullet per tyre, and the car came to an abrupt and shaky stop. The mages and cleavers inside got out and attempted to run after Ghastly's van, but were nowhere near fast enough. The third car crashed into the back of the second one, a fire starting somewhere inside. As Ghastly drove on, they lost sight of the three wrecked cars, but a few moments later, they heard an explosion. The cars must have blown up.

Skulduggery sat back in his seat, and focused on the road ahead. Ghastly broke the silence. "What happened?"

"Cleavers," said Skulduggery simply, his voice absent of the velvety quality it usually possessed.

"Injuries?"

"Dexter had a wound on his shoulder, but that was it. As far as I know."

"Skulduggery, say something," Ghastly said.

"I am," replied Skulduggery, looking at him.

"I mean, say something that isn't just some monotonous answer to my questions."

Skulduggery looked back at the road. "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how I left the three of them to a swarm of cleavers? Do you want me to tell you that they're probably being tortured right now? _Do you want me to say that they could be dead?"_

He paused, and appeared to compose himself. "Ghastly, I had a choice. I could've stopped to help, but I didn't. I carried on. They'll be tortured. Anton and Dexter have been tortured before, they know what to expect. Valkyrie... What if they _kill _her, Ghastly? What then?"

"It won't come to that, Skulduggery. She'll pull through. We'll go and rescue them, as soon as we get back to the warehouse and formulate a plan."

"Why don't we just turn this van around right goddam _now_?" he growled.

"You know why," Ghastly said softly. "They'll be waiting for us, and they'll be ready. We need to get Fletcher to the warehouse, so he can teleport us back there after we've got the others. We can't just charge in guns blazing, Skulduggery. We need to think about this one."

"Alright," said Skulduggery, defeated. He busied himself with refilling his revolver with bullets, relaxing slightly. He knew that the three of them were tough, and that they would get through whatever was thrown at them. He hoped.

"What should _we_ do?" asked Erskine from the back.

"Valkyrie put a ring of keys in Fletcher's pocket," said Skulduggery. "One of those unlocks Fletcher's handcuffs. Find it and unlock them."

Erskine turned to Saracen. "I don't suppose your power can help us with this...?"

"Nope. We're gonna have to do this the long way," said Saracen. He turned to Fletcher. "Welcome to the Dead Men, Fletch," he said warmly. "Please bear with us. We are not the smartest men of the group, so don't expect to be free from those shackles any time soon."

"Who _is_ the smartest?" asked Erskine. Saracen shrugged.

"Uh, guys," said Fletcher, "I don't mean to be rude, but can you hurry up? I'm pretty starving, and the frustration at not being able to teleport to McDonalds is really annoying me."

"Right, yes, sorry," said Erskine. He took the ring from Fletcher's pocket, and looked at the multitude of keys, and then across at Saracen, seated opposite. He sighed. "This will take longer than I thought."

* * *

><p>"I'm sure you've tried that one," said Saracen. It had been two hours, and they <em>still <em>hadn't managed to uncuff Fletcher, probably because a certain ex-Grand Mage kept mixing all the keys up.

Erskine shook his head, and kept a firm grip of the key on his hand. "No, the ones I've tried are on this side of the ring," he said, pointing to the right, "and the others are on this side," he pointed to the left.

"But that one looks familiar, I remember making a comment about the writing engraved on it, remember?"

"He's right," nodded Fletcher wearily. These men weren't kidding when they said they weren't the smartest.

"Well _you_ do it, then!" exclaimed Erskine, and threw the keys on the floor.

"_Erskine_!" yelled Fletcher and Saracen.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

"Now we have to start again!" said Saracen. He undid his seatbelt and stood up, and held on to the side of the van as it accelerated onwards, really hoping that Ghastly wouldn't hard brake. He crossed over to Erskine, and motioned for him to get up and swap places with him, so he could reach Fletcher's handcuffs.

Erskine looked at Saracen blankly. "Get up!" said Saracen, exasperated.

"Why?" asked Erskine.

"So I can reach the damn handcuffs, you _twit_!"

"Why do you want to reach them?

"_Why do you think? So I can unlock them!_"

"_Ohhhhh_..." murmured Erskine, and he got up and walked over to Saracen's seat, stumbling slightly as the van turned a corner. Saracen sat down next to Fletcher, who looked like he was falling asleep, and took the ring of keys.

He tried one after the other, sighing. _This was going to take a while._

* * *

><p>They pulled up at the warehouse just as Saracen found the right key. He grinned in triumph, then noticed that the van had slowed, and cursed as he realised that they were at the warehouse anyway, so there was no time for Fletcher to teleport them to the pub as he had secretly been hoping. He undid the shackles, and took them with him into the warehouse, thinking that they'd come in handy later.<p>

The five of them gathered in the living room, whilst Fletcher ate a Happy Meal that he'd picked up from McDonalds a few minutes earlier.

"Before we start formulating plans," said Ghastly, "here are the papers that Erskine and I got." He put a thick wad of papers on the table. "We also managed to start a few fires in some filing rooms. We stole what looked important."

"Excellent," said Skulduggery. "We'll read those later, but for now we need to find out how we're going to get the others back."

"So I'll teleport you all there," said Fletcher, "and we go in, get them, and teleport out again. You can figure out the rest."

"Helpful(!)" said Erskine sarcastically.

"So once we're there," said Saracen, "we need to head to wherever they are. Do we have any idea where they are?"

Skulduggery thought for a moment. "They're either in the Gaol or in the old cells in the lower levels. I strongly doubt they'll be in the Gaol, because it's not the most ideal place for torture." He said all this with a casual, indifferent voice, even though inside he was fuming with the very idea of them being tortured.

"So we'll go down to the lower levels, and navigate our way to them using Saracen. There's enough of us to take out anyone we encounter, as the lower levels are usually pretty sparse anyway," said Ghastly. "Right, that's sorted then. Skulduggery, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Skulduggery tilted his head at Ghastly, but then got up and the two left the room. Erskine turned to Saracen, to find that he was looking at Fletcher weirdly. Fletcher looked up from his toy, and scowled.

"Don't give me that look," he said defiantly. "There's no age limit on a Happy Meal."

Saracen sighed, and Erskine shook his head. "Fletcher," he said, "you're just a few fries short of a Happy Meal." And with that, he began humming 'Great Escape' by Gwen Stefani.

* * *

><p>Ghastly led Skulduggery into the kitchen, and shut the door. "Skulduggery," he began, but the detective interrupted.<p>

"Ghastly, if this is about Valkyrie, and how she might not come back, save it," he said bluntly.

"You're saying it, but I don't know if you're accepting it," he said gently. "She might be perfectly unharmed, she might be dying, she might be dead. We don't know, but just be prepared. We can't afford to lose concentration and go off in a mood- we're still being hunted, and they still want our blood."

"I understand, Ghastly," Skulduggery said. Ghastly studied his friend for a moment, but could not read into the blank demeanour of his skull. Only Valkyrie could do that. He nodded, and they went back into the living room.

* * *

><p>"Everyone clear on the plan?" asked Skulduggery. They all nodded, and linked up. An eyeblink later, they were in the thicket of trees near the Sanctuary that the van had been parked in previously.<p>

Wordlessly, they entered through the same door as before, which was still unguarded. They took a sharp left and ran down the stairs to the lower levels. Luckily, they had not yet encountered another person.

Saracen took the lead, and led them along the maze of dark, damp corridors. They hoped that they weren't too late- it had been about four hours since the others had gotten captured. A lot could happen in four hours.

A few minutes later, they came to a door, and Saracen slowed. "In there," he said lowly, voice devoid of any emotion.

Skulduggery Pleasant burst into the room, gun in hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Q13: What would your taken name be?<strong>

**_Victoria Pierce. (Necromancer). I've just had that in my head for god knows how long._**

**Q14: What is your least favourite power?  
><strong>

**_I think they're all awesome in their own way, but my least favourite... Ummm the children of the spiders' ones, like turning into a giant spider, and having loads of little spiders under your clothes. Ewww._**


	27. Recovery

**Hi guys! (Please see the end of the author's note for a mini announcement).**

**Wow I have the most creative readers... Your taken names are amazing! I loved 'Roxy Swift', 'Athena Cain', 'Phoenix Conway', 'Leah Moran' and 'Molly Malone'- awesome choices! Next questions are at the end. **

**Review Replies:**

**kittehkatkakes: Haha same here ;)**

**flames400: Hi! Thank you for the feedback, really appreciated! :) I update every 3 or 4 days.**

**Libertied Insanity: haha lol yeah- you gotta love a happy meal ;) I think instead of doing a chapter where his angry feelings and stuff are shown, I'm going to embed it throughout the following chapters. Yeah I guess Saracen is quite protective over Dexter- like in LSODM he was the only one to ask about dexter when he had been captured, and whenever there was conversation about him (when captured), he'd be one of the main speakers. If that makes sense. I dunno, I just write, and forget to read over it :) Haha yeah, eyeblink is mine. All miiiiiiine! (I've never heard someone say 'Zazzy' before either!). Yeah, they can scroll down, but I don't know why they don't. It's annoying. I'm just like why the hell would you focus on the authors note when there's a bloody long story going on here!? Lol thanks! Ummmm handcuffs... I haven't thought of what they'll do with them, but I'm sure they'll find a use. Maybe they'll shackle Erskine to fletcher if he gets too annoying ;) Sirius... I do not read/watch harry potter. Sorry! The torture was pretty hard to write, yeah. Think I prefer the humour ;) OMG white chocolate magnum... Mmmhhhhhh I want one. (See Berlin's review for a response)**

**Berlin: yeah I've been down that route as well, and it was an identical situation for me; the only reason i didn't was because of hurting people close to me. Okay yeah you win, that's a MUCH better ice cream ;) That's such a sweet story, such a shame she never returned! :( Good choice of name! Haha yeah same i won't use my real name either. Eww hate spiders!**

**NotSoGracefulGrace: Thank you! *high five* Solly Wreath rules!**

**Lightening Sparks: Molly Malone is incredible! Haha lol bless you dog Molly! Yeah being a zombie is... BLEURGH. Yeah fletcher is annoying, and I'm afraid he'll only get even more annoying ;) hence why I wanna get rid of him :) thank you so much for the feedback!**

**TheVoiceOfReason: wow you just like read my mind :) thank you, I really appreciate your support. I can't express my gratitude, thank you! :D**

**Guest: Hi, thank you for your feedback- so, firstly, thanks for reading and I'm glad you like it so far. Also, yeah, I realise that the replies are taking a lot of space, so see the end of this author's note for my response to that :). And also, I think that's overreacting a little bit- half of it isn't replies to reviewers, for example if you look at earlier chapters, they feature much shorter authors notes, and it's only the recent ones that are longer as interest for the story has grown. I apologise that this is an issue for you, although I personally don't see why people can't just scroll down past the replies, and go straight to the story...? I'm not going to stop writing to my readers, and I feel that this is the best way to do it, as some, like yourself, don't have an account, so this is the only means of contact, and it would therefore be fairer if everyone's replies were in one place. If it continues to become an issue for you, feel free to stop reading.**

***REPLIES***

**Okay so I've decided that from now on I'll delete the review replies on chapters that are from over two updates ago. So, just to clarify, I'll delete the replies from chapter 25 and earlier. And then on the next update, I'll delete chapter 26, and then on the following update 27, and so on. Hope this satisfies everyone! :)**

**And now, without further ado, so no one else complains, it's time for some protective Skulduggery! **

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><p>Valkyrie became aware of someone entering the cell, but couldn't move her head to see who it was. However, judging by Anton and Dexter's reactions, it was Skulduggery and the others.<p>

Sure enough, a few moments later, Valkyrie saw Skulduggery kneel in front of her, attempting to undo the binds on her wrists, which he did quickly. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned, gesturing to her to get up.

"Skulduggery..." she muttered, strength having deserted her body long ago.

Skulduggery stood and looked at her, and for the first time noticed the nails in her hands. He tilted his head in shock, and the flickering of the torches caught the metal of the other nails, and they glinted wickedly. "Ghastly," he said quietly, his voice harbouring venom.

Ghastly came over, and noticed the nails. He gasped in shock, then bent down and studied the one in her left hand. He put a gentle hand on Valkyrie's cheek.

"How deep do the nails go?" he asked softly.

"All the way through," she said breathlessly. "Just take the others and go," she added after a moment of gathering her senses. "It'll take too long to remove the nails."

Ghastly shook his head, and began prising the nail out of Valkyrie's hand. She hissed in pain as it moved back up the hole it had entered through, but the pain was just about bearable. He removed the nail on her left hand, and turned to the right. He looked back at Skulduggery, still standing as still as a statue.

"Help me, then," said Ghastly, glancing behind him. He saw Saracen, Erskine and Fletcher gently hauling Dexter and Anton out of the cell. As soon as they were out, Fletcher teleported them back to the warehouse, returning a moment later without Erskine and Saracen.

"Just give me a name," growled Skulduggery, and Ghastly remembered when Melancholia had attacked Valkyrie a few years ago, and how Skulduggery had reacted in an identical way.

"Skulduggery, revenge can come later. Right now, she's hurt."

Skulduggery seemed to just notice that Valkyrie appeared to be dying, and hurried to her, taking the nails out of her ankles, quickly but gently.

Working together, they managed to remove what they thought was all of the nails, but when they went to help Valkyrie out of the chair, she delicately raised a hand.

"Neck," was all she managed to say.

Skulduggery came closer and peered at her neck, and cursed when he saw the long rusty nails hammered into her collarbone. He got a secure hold on one, and gently yet forcefully began to prise it out, whilst Ghastly worked on the other. Valkyrie winced in pain, and tears sprung to her eyes as it intensified. "Nearly there," Skulduggery said, in an emotionless voice.

Then, he pulled out the nail, throwing it across the room with such force that it broke into two pieces when it hit the wall. Ghastly pulled his out soon after.

"Fletcher," said Ghastly, and Fletcher, who had been watching wide-eyed, hesitantly stepped forward. He put a hand on Valkyrie's, then immediately recoiled as she yelped in pain. "Sorry," he apologised, and went to place his hand on her thigh, causing her to yelp again. "S-sorry," Fletcher said again, flustered. He didn't like causing Valkyrie all this pain. He went to place a hand on her elbow, when Ghastly stopped him.

Skulduggery gently laid a hand on Valkyrie's forearm, one of the only places on her body that didn't have blood cascading down it, and put his other hand on Fletcher's shoulder. Ghastly touched Fletcher's arm. "Ready?" asked Fletcher, just as a troop of cleavers burst into the room.

"Go!" yelled Skulduggery, and before the cleavers could even draw their scythes, Fletcher teleported.

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><p>They materialised in the living room, where Anton was lying on the sofa unconscious, and Erskine was stitching up his cuts with medical resources they had brought with them, as well as some that it seemed he had taken from the Sanctuary during the raid. On another sofa lay Dexter, barely awake, who was receiving similar treatment by Saracen. Both were lying on sheets, and those sheets were drenched with blood.<p>

Skulduggery gently picked Valkyrie up, and moved steadily to the final sofa, also covered with a couple of sheets, where he carefully set her down. He began tending to her wounds with a cloth soaked in healing water that Ghastly brought him, which was designed to stem the flow of blood and relieve stinging, as well as commence healing. He looked up, and saw that Valkyrie had lost consciousness. Taking her hand, he dabbed at the hole made by the nail, on both the back of her hand and the palm. He moved on to the other hand, then did the rest of her wounds with equal care. He was able to get to her leg wounds as the nail had ripped through her trousers, during both the process of being nailed in and removed, so now there were large rips at her knees and thighs.

He lifted up her t-shirt in order to get to the injuries on her stomach. She flinched, even in her sleep, and Skulduggery immediately stopped, and started again, going extra slowly and taking extra care.

When he had finished her stomach, he moved further down the sofa so he could reach her neck. He stared at her for a moment, at her perfect body which had so cruelly been hideously abused. He shouldn't have left her behind. He should've stayed by her side, and fought. She'd have done the same thing for him, he knew that. He stroked her hair softly, observing how the ends were drenched in her own blood. His hand trailed down her face, following her beautiful cheekbones. How he longed to see those dark brown eyes open and look up at him, as her muscular body leapt up and hugged him and told him she was alright and always would be. But looking down on her, he knew she most certainly was not alright. She had lost a lot of blood, and was still losing it.

He noticed Erskine looking at him out of the corner of his eye...socket, and emerged from his trance. He ever so gently wiped away the blood from her neck, and the blood flow gradually stemmed. When it had stopped bleeding, he began to dress all the wounds. He started once again with the hands, and wrapped them in a bandage that had been enchanted so that it aided recovery. He did the same with her elbows, and then her shoulders, ensuring that the bandage was wrapped tight, but not so tight that it blocked the flow of blood around her body, halting circulation. He wrapped bandages around her thighs, weaving it through the hole in her trousers, around her leg and out of the hole again. He then did her ankles, noticing for the first time how pale her legs were.

Finally, he reached the stomach, not working as quick as he would have liked to. He hoped that Valkyrie hadn't lost too much blood, but had no way to be sure. It had been a long time since he had been a man of flesh and blood himself, so could not tell how much blood was a healthy amount to lose. Not that any amount was healthy, but... He sighed. It was no use waffling to himself when Valkyrie was most likely dying.

He wrapped a long length of bandage around her stomach, then pulled her t-shirt back down over it. He then moved closer to her neck, and debated the best way to go about bandaging it. He knew Valkyrie would not appreciate having a load of bandage wrapped around her neck. Firstly, it was not the best look in the world. Secondly, she was claustrophobic, and Skulduggery knew that wrapping something tightly around someone's neck would lead to feelings of suffocation.

Ghastly came over. "How is she?" he asked.

"Unconscious," Skulduggery replied simply.

"Need a hand?"

"How do you bandage a collarbone?"

"You could do a sling or a figure of eight," Ghastly said. "Only do a sling if the clavicle injury has affected the arm in some way, but I don't think it has in this case. So, we'll do a figure of eight."

"Ghastly, will you please just get to the point?" Skulduggery snapped. He took a moment. "Sorry," he apologised.

"I know you're angry, heck, I'm _furious_, but look at her. She's alive. She'll heal. Now concentrate. Distractions will be fatal," Ghastly warned. He took the bandage from Skulduggery's hands and gently looped it around Valkyrie's left shoulder, tightly. He brought it around behind her, and reached under her back and picked up the end of it. He pulled the end round and looped it around her right shoulder. He tied the two loose ends together behind her back, and stepped back a little. The bandage criss-crossed on her back, and looped around each shoulder, just as it should have.

"There," he said. "It will be uncomfortable, but she'll only need it for a day or two."

"How are the others?" Skulduggery asked Ghastly.

"Fletcher's resting upstairs in one of the bedrooms. Anton is still unconscious," Ghastly gestured behind him, to where Anton was still lying on the sofa, as Erskine tended to him, "but the blood flow has stopped. He's lost a lot of it, though. Dexter's awake," Ghastly turned and smiled at Dexter on the sofa, who smiled wearily back, "and Saracen's patching him up pretty well."

"Good," Skulduggery said, and left the room.

Ghastly sighed, and turned to Saracen. "We'd better stay out of his way until Valkyrie wakes up," he said.

Saracen nodded. "Unless we wanna lose our limbs."

Ghastly walked over to Anton. "Do you think he'll make it?" he asked Erskine, looking at all the blood he had lost.

Erskine looked up, and wiped sweat off his forehead. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. Saracen looked over, and Dexter arched an eyebrow.

Ghastly just nodded. "Let me know when... if anything happens," he said, saddened. He walked off and left the room to make Valkyrie a new jacket. Sewing always did help him cope with a loss.

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><p><strong>Next questions! Halfway through already...<strong>

**Q15: What is a question you want to be answered in the future?**

**_So many! Do Saracen and Dexter get together? Does Valkyrie have feelings for Skulduggery and vice versa? What did Dusk taste in Val's blood? What is Saracen's power (I know derek said that Saracen was basically HIM in the books, and that would imply that as the author, Saracen would know stuff, but I'm not buying that explanation- for example, why didn't Saracen know the identity of the man with the golden eyes?)? Who were Grant and Jeremiah?_**

**Q16: Who do you think is/are the evilest character/s?**

**_Kitana, Doran and Sean, but mainly Doran. They just wanted to inflict pain; at least Darquesse did it all out of scientific curiosity, and Lord Vile had a motive- revenge. These three, though, were just murdering innocent people for absolutely no reason._**


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